Ranma 12 : Welcome to the club
by Wolvenstrom
Summary: What happens when the boy with no clue about girls is thrown into one of the most fan serviced series in the history of anime. Ranma/ Eiken crossover. rated M just to be safe
1. Chapter 1

Ranma 1/2 x Eiken

Disclaimer: I don't own Ranma 1/2 or any other Animé mentioned in this story. To find out which other Animé you will just have to read the story

If you find any inaccuracies there is in the fic please notify me on the review board.

* * *

Gorou Ito was a salary man by trade, of course with a job like he had it was always nice to come out to a nice peaceful part of the country(1) to do some fishing without one of those American tourists with the big guts and bigger mouths pointing at him and taking pictures at him doing hardly the most amazing of things. He sat on the peer of the beach with a only 2 small fish beside him, it wasn't much of a catch but that the point of the trip was more to relax than catch the big ones so he didn't mind. He hooked another krill and cast his line out into the warm summer waters. About 20 minutes later he got a bite. A big bite.

"Whoa" He said as he was jerked from his position and almost pulled in. Gorou quickly jumped to his feet and began to pull as hard as he could. But as strong as he was the fish still seemed to be pulling him toward the sea.

"LIKE HELL YOU ARE!!"

He gave one final big tug and managed to pull his fishing pole up behind his head, from the sea below there was a splash as the monster he had been grappling with was yanked out of the sea. Proud of his accomplishment he grinned from ear to ear as he reached for his hammer to stun the beast with. Of course the grin faded into a look that just screamed 'WTF' (OoO)as he saw what exactly he had dragged up.

A fat guy in a white gi was lying on the edge of the peer was happily chewing on the bait that Gorou had been using despite the fact that he had a large hook stuck is his right cheek which was bleeding rather a lot.

The vacationing salary man had a large tick in his eye. He looked at the hammer, then the guy, then the hammer again, he looked around once. He shrugged and lifted up the hammer.

Ranma Saotome was sitting down on the beach ringing seawater out her shirt, fortunately people don't usually go to the beach when it's at 5 in the morning so no worry s about anyone seeing her generous endowment's. It was to bad her dad had taken the last of the water proof soap they had but then she couldn't imagine it would be easy for a panda to swim to Japan. Next to her was her father Genma Saotome was tying to pull his head out of the sand after he fell from the peer. Sighing she put her shirt back on and stood up. "Hey pops now were back in Japan where are we gonna head."

Genma pulled his head and fell back onto his but, a large lump on his head. "We'll be heading to Tokyo to meet with an old friend of mine. We have old business and it's time to finish."

"Really?" His son turned daughter said warily. "The last time you said that I had to scrub dish's for three weeks in that restaurant with a chick named Itami (2) standing behind me with a baseball bat."

His father snapped at him "I am your father boy and you will do as I say." He picked up his bag and started walking for the street. "Now come I want us to be in Tokyo within this week."

"Uh pop."

"What boy." Genma growled.

"It's Friday and Tokyo City is about 400 miles from here if I'm reading the map right."

Genma sweat dropped slightly then did his patented 'Fist of the Big Fat Baby' technique "Oh how ashamed I am to have such a sorry excuse for a son, he cant even walk a few measly miles in a few day's."

"I hardly call 400 miles measly pop,"

Genma only increased his wailing making Ranma let out a mushroom sigh.

"Al right already I'll do it just stop with the tears already."

She look up to see Genma was already on his feet and at the street walking away. Ranma just moaned before jogging to catch up to her father.

* * *

Hours later Genma had finally decided to make camp just in the woods near the main road, and by that I mean he decided to get drunk while a now male Ranma set up the tent and cook the dinner. They'd been walking from 5:00am and it was now 7:00pm. Stopping only to swipe some food 2 dozen or so times. He definitely won't be going back there for a while. Ranma had just finished making the dinner and sat down next to his father with a bowl of stew.

"So pop, exactly what is this business you have with your old friend anyway?"

Genma choked on his sake before spitting it out and looking around worriedly.

"Um..er ah that's not your concern boy."

Ranma just stared at him, one eyebrow raised. 'Damn maybe he's wise to me. Nah if he didn't catch on the last 47 times I did this then why would he get wise now?'

"What did ya marry we off for this time?"

o0...'Crap .'

"I said it's none of your concern boy."

"None of my concern!" Ranma was on his feet and yelling 4 inches from his fathers face. "The last time one a' the family's ya promised me to showed up I barley made it out alive when they found out 'bout the other's."

"Well the Himura(3) did offer an enormous amount of yen for you boy, I may be an honourable man but I am a man nonetheless and I do have limit's."

"They paid your bar tab!"

"Same thing."

Okay he could give his dad that one. He'd seen how many the old man could put away before getting so much as a buzz. But still. "Before that you promised me to marry into the koushoku family when I was 10 for a house, dojo and money."

"You must admit son that it was a very good deal, and the girl you were to marry was quite pretty."

"Girl? more like girl's since they wanted me to marry ALL 12 OF THEIR DAUGHTERS!!"

Gulp "Well when you think about it, it does cut down on the number of unwanted in-laws."

GLARE

Under the intensity of the angry ki his son seemed to be instinctual sending through his eyes the balding martial artist shivered slightly. It wasn't his fault that he didn't have much else to offer people other than his son. Life on the road didn't offer much in the ways of shudder employment, and he had to pay for the essentials (if he was caught) somehow. But this superseded anything else. For once this was about honour and not selling off his meal ti- opps' I mean 'heir' for something as trivial as property or money. Lots and LOTS of money, BAGS AND BAGS OF MONEY, AN VERITABLE OCEAN OF...

'Oh yeah, the Himura and Koushoku were the last rich guy's to agree to the marriage, damn I'd be living in luxury already if not for that boy's big mouth' Genma got to his feet and with a meditative breath met his sons evil gaze.

"Okay I understand your frustration, I haven't made the best choices besides how big their wallet is. But this agreement was made before you were even born. It takes presidence over all overs and you will 'honour' this agreement." 'Magic word, the boy is mine'

Ranma just smirked "Pop if you honestly think I'm gonna go along for another one of your crazy plans just cause ya' throw honour in my face then think again. Their is believe it or not a line between being honourable and being smart (4). Not that you know much about either huh old man."

Genma was shocked His son had never said this before. He remembered a time when he could have told Ranma to jump in a river with a rock tied to his back for the sake of honour and he would have done it, but to completely ignore it, unacceptable. He pulled himself into a fighting stance he had not used since he sealed the style, knowing full well that he couldn't beat his son unless he used his special 'thieving style' of fighting.

"BOY, AS YOUR FATHER AND HEAD OF THE SAOTOME CLAN I AM TELLING YOU THAT YOU ART MARRYING A TENDO AND THAT IS FINAL!!

"Except your not the head of the Saotome clan are you Genma."

The elder Saotome whirled around on his heel. Standing about 20 feet away was a guy who looked like he belonged in a detective comic, or that old 'Casiie blanco'(5) movie Nodoka made him take her to when they were dating. He wore a long leather trench coat which was tied up around the middle and only half buttoned near the top letting Genma see a white silk shirt with a blood red tie. He wore a dark brown fedora that shadowed his face quite ominously in the waning daylight, yet despite that he also seemed to be wearing a pair of rounded sunglasses . In his leather gloved hands he held a thick looking blue binder filled to bulging with paper. All in all this guy looked to much like a 'Dick Tracy' style cop for Genma's liking. He shouted at the guy while going back into his '1000 mountain fist' stance.

"Who the hell are you to tell me I'm not the head of my own family."

The man just looked at the fat idiot with a bored expression before opening up his folder.

"My name is Heki Musha, a private detective that's hired to find you two."

Genma gave his a slightly puzzled expression. "How the hell would be looking for me."

Heki looked don at the opened folder and turning to a page labelled 'Clientèle'. "You mean besides the Himura, koushoku, kouijo, daitojou, takashimi, chardin, 47 different bars, 28 restaurants, 39 grocery stores and with that only being the most up to date list of clans and business cheated not including the town back there? I don't know sir. How about we start with the one who originally hired me before I received generous amounts of funding from all of these other wonderful people to track you down."

Gulp "Uh...yeah?"

"Your wife Saotome."

'Uh Oh' Genma thought as he turned around to look at his son who was staring at the detective with a puzzling look.

"His wife? You mean my Mom is alive?"

'It's okay Genma maybe if you back out slowly you can get away till the heat is off'

Unfortunately he didn't have time to take two steps as his son grabbed him by the collar and scream in his ear.

"YOU DAMN MORON. YA TOLD ME MOM WAS DEAD!! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING!!"

"I WAS THINKING ABOUT GETTING YOU OUT OF THERE BEFORE SHE CUT OUR HEADS OFF."

Was was about to replay when he stopped to listen to what his father said. "What?"

Genma's expression grew grim. "Just before we left on the journey your mother made both of us sign a contract that stated if you were not a 'man amongst men' upon your return then we must commit seppuku."

Ranma was speechless, that couldn't be right.

"You...your lying."

"No Son I'm afraid not."

Heki of course would have none of this. "Oh yes you are." He said in a playful tone. Causing Ranma to look over at him and Genma to make several 'shushing' motions with his hands. Ignoring the man he turned a few pages in the binder and found a page with a plastic document cover. He removed said document with was quite old, brown and torn around the edges with a large black mark near the bottom were it looked like the whole paper had been dipped in ink. Genma froze as he instantly recognised the paper.

"This is the original contract which clearly states that..."

Genma lunged at the man in an attempt to stop him, only for him to be brought down in mid air by his son grabbing his foot as he jumped, Ranma motioned for the private eye to continue.

"Anyway the contract states that Genma Saotome will take his son on not 1 training trip for 10 years, but 7 training trips a year over the period of 10, Any trip that last in excess of 14 day's without any contact to notify Nodoka Saotome with the reason of the trips excess will result in the immediate replacement of Genma Saotome as clan head with his wife Nodoka Saotome. Nowhere on it does it mention anything about a 'man amongst men' or 'seppuku."

Ranma looked down at his father who's ankle he was still holding, he gave a twist to flip his father onto his back.

"You mean to tell me that pop wasn't supposed ta take me round the whole country and china for a decade cause mom was dead." The detective nodded.

"No Ranma, your mother did want you to know the family school, but from what I've learned she didn't wish for you to become a sensei for your fathers style due to a bad experiences with the schools grandmaster."

Genma shivered slightly but managed to get back onto his feet.

"Now see here, becoming a master of the art is a Saotome tradition. My father did it, my grandfather did it, and every other Saotome man has taught the art for over 300 years."

The private eye wasn't even a little intimidated by the man 's supposed mastery of martial arts.

"Yes but according to your school and employment records you have never made any effort to get the teaching license that is required nowadays by all martial arts sense i's. It makes me wonder how you intended for your son to teach because being in school so rarely his chances of doing anything with his skills are even slimmer than yours."

Ranma glared at his father hard enough to put a soldering hole through the man. All this time learning to be the greatest martial artist in the world and now he finds out that it could all be for nothing just because the old man always told him 'you don't need schooling to teach martial art's boy'. He was so gonna make the old man pay. But first.

"So yer hear ta take me to see my Mom." It wasn't a question.

Heki nodded. Ranma smirked a little and walked up to him. "Lead the way."

"NO" Genma screamed as a vacuum blade passed over both Heki and his son's head's and cut the top off the tree in front of them.

"I WON'T LET YOU TAKE HIM, I'VE WORKED TO HARD TO LET YOU MESS THINGS UP!!" Heki didn't even bother to turn around, he simply looked back in the binder.

"Mmm Genma are you aware that your total debt to all the various clans and business you have swindled is about 1,000,000,000 yen.(6)

Genma moved back to create another blade. "Yeah so."

He snapped the binder shut. "So it stands to reason that the reward for a thief with such a big reputation would have quite the reward for your capture."

Genma smirked "Like you would stand a chance, even with Ranma helping you I made sure to keep a few or my best styles to myself in case he thought he could beat me."

The Aquatranssexual's fist tightened and he was prepared to charge his father then the detective put his hand on the boy's shoulder, calmng him own.

"Now who said I was the only one looking for you." He snapped his fingers and the small bit of woodland was filled with the sound of metallic clicks.

"GENMA SOATOME PUT YOUR HANDS OVER YOUR HEAD YOU ARE UNDER ARREST!!"

Genma looked around to find more than 2 dozen heavily armed men aiming right at him, most of then were police but several of appeared to be bounty hunters if the non police standard rifles and lack of tacky blue uniforms were any indication. Right now Genma had enough red dots covering his face to look like a balding teen with acne. Nervously he weighed his option's.

1. Go grab the boy - Ranma would surly not go easily even if he used the Umi or Yama senken and he'd more than lily end up a bloodied bullet riddled mess before he even reached him.

2. Go with the police - As his master once taught him 'never take responsibility for anything, EVER.' and 'if they can't catch you, do it' were the only good pieces of advice the master gave him and by all that is good and decent he was gonna listen to it. That left the third option.

He looked over at his son and spoke grimly "I'll deal with you later boy." Before he dissipated before their eyes.

Ranma looked shocked that his father ha been holding out on these amazing techniques, he was about to try and go look for him to beat the secrets out of him but the older man stopped him.

"Sorry kid but remember why I'm here? Your Mama wants to see you."

Ranma nodded slowly before looking back at the spot were his father dissipated before turning the follow the detective back to his car on the side of the road, the sounds of disappointed groans coming from the law men for hire echoing behind him.

* * *

Ranma stared at the house with saucer eyes. 'Pop's wanted to leave this?' an absolutely huge mansion was staring back at him. At least a half a times bigger than the Koushoku family house and they had a dozen daughters and a over hundred staff to house at that place. It had an almost impossible appearance of both a modern house and a traditional one. Wood panelling, rough white stone, black tile's and glass making up whole walls at seemingly random parts around the compound, the building itself changing between 1 and 4 floors at certain points where the higher levelled part rose up in balls, cubes and the central part in the centre actually looking like a large pyramid. (7)

The detectives car pulled past the house gate and up the long driveway to the houses main entrance. He got out and stared for a few seconds and the large door that seemed to be made out of several redwoods. He went to knock but Heki stopped him. Pointing over a sign saying 'ring bell'.

Moments after the tinkling sound echoed throughout the house the door opened to reveal a man in a fine black butlering suit. Not your typical old butler but a young man who couldn't be more than in his early twenties. The man considered Ranma for a second before coming to a decision.

"Master Ranma?"

Ranma nodded. The man opened the door wide and gestured for him to enter. "The mistress is waiting for you in the main lounge. Please follow me as it's very easy to get lost in this house."

Wordlessly the boy and the detective followed through the house. It was surprisingly minimalist decoration with no snotty frivolities the rich seem to fill their homes with to show how rich they are. The furniture that looked like it was all from IKEA and for the most part of the walls on the inside painted in various pastel colours and deep red wood panelling rather than the stark white and oakwood that was the outside colour scheme. Unlike other big manor's there actually seemed to be few expensive looking pieces of art or antiques. Instead The artwork was actually part of the wall, and random points in the halls curls and zig,zags and all other shapes were shooting out of the floor and ceiling to take novae shapes in great swirls of changing colour. Dots of random colour joined in with and around them, it actually made Ranma question just what kind of person his mother was. He also couldn't help but notice that from the house help that were dashing about that they all seemed to be around his age if not a few years older and younger, he even thought he saw a 9 year old in a maid outfit following an older girl with towels a minute ago.

About 40 minutes after coming through the front door and climbing and descending several DOZEN flights of stairs they finally made it to the central part of the complex and came to rest at a traditional pair of sliding doors.

The butler turned to them "I'll go and tell the mistress your here."

He slide the door open before closing it behind himself. A mumbling was heard followed by a sharp female squeal. He came back out with a finger in his ear.

"She will see you now."

Ranma nodded slowly and carefully entered the room followed by the private eye and the doors quickly rolled behind him. 1 fraction of a moment later he was engulfed in a rib crushing hug by a woman louder than a bullhorn.

"WAH MY BABIES FINALLY HOME!"

Ranma struggled to break the woman's grip. But she wouldn't budge more than a few centimetre's which was getting hard to make her do considering his lungs were starved and he was turning red in the face as his blood was squeezed into his head.

"OH I CAN'T BELIEVE AFTER ALL THESE YEARS MY LITTLE RANMA IS FINALLY BACK WHERE HE BELONGS!"

Now he was sporting a calming ocean blue.

"I SHOULD NEVER HAVE LET YOU OUT OF MY SIGHT TO LET YOUR IDIOT OF A FATHER TAKE YOU!"

After the bi - gender boy turned a peculiar blend of tartan Heki Musha thought if he was going to get paid he best make sure that the one who hired him didn't kill the one he was sent to retrieve.

"Um excuse me Mrs Saotome but I really think your son needs to breath."

Realising what she was doing she quickly dropped her son who fell to his hands and feet gasping for air.

"Oh I'm so sorry for that son. I'm just so happy to finally see you again." Ranma stood up to get a good look at hi mother, a moment later he kinda wished he didn't.

She was his spitting image, since he looked nothing like the old man he always kinda thought he got his looks from his mother but this was ridiculous. He looked quite a bit like her as a guy and he was certain he could pass off as her twin when he was a girl. Her red hair had faded into a dark auburn with age and she was about a foot taller than his other form but the resemblance was still uncanny. What surprised him was that instead of a kimono or an expensive dress she was wearing a pair of blue jeans, slippers like they had been made to put on at the front door, and a logo less white T-shirt that along with her face and jeans where covered liberally with various colours of paints. In the far corner of the room were a collection of paint brushes next to a part of the wall that had art several swirls of differing colour on it that still looked wet.

"Uh. You to Mom." He said sheepishly while scratching the base of his pigtail.

He immediately found himself struggling to breath once more in his wailing mothers arms.

"Ms Saotome." The detective said loudly. She dropped her son, sporting an embarrassed blush on her face and turned to the detective.

"I trust you found my wayward husband as well?"

"Sorry but I'm afraid he used some sort of invisibility technique and got away. However need I remind you that our contract was for me to bring home your son not Genma." The wealthy woman nodded a bit disappointed at the detectives answer to her husbands location. She pulled out a chequebook and wrote out the yen equivalent to 10,000,000 and handed it to the detective who quickly folded it and placed it in his pocket as carefully as it was made of rice paper. Ranma who was standing between the two and had seen the number his mother had written out was slack jawed. 'Why the hell would that idiot leave here?' He thought.

"Pleasure doing business with you Nodoka. Don't be afraid to call again if you need me. But right now I believe you want to talk to your son" He said as he headed for the door. Nodoka smiled after the man.

"Oh Heki like I've ever been afraid of you. Thank you my old friend for doing this favour for me." She bowed slightly. Heki snorted in amusement then patted his pocket as the servant opened the door in front of him. "Funny I don't believe you get paid for doing someone a mere favour." He said as the door slide behind him. She looked at the door for all but 2 seconds before turning back to her long lost son who was now standing upright with a slight evasive stance should he be hugged to death again.

"Don't worry Ranma I'm not doing to do that again. I was just so happy to see you again."

Ranma visibly relaxed and sat down on the 4 beige leather couch in the centre of the room his mother motioned to. She sat down a comfortable distance from him. (You know close enough to talk but far enough so the other person doesn't feel smothered.)

"Ranma I'm sure you have a lot of questions about me, right?" Nod "Good because I'm just dying to fill in the missing gap's of information of your trip I already know of."

Ranma instantly started sweating like a pig. If he was blamed for even a fraction of what happened on that trip then his mother really would have reason to make him a head shorter.

"R-rr-really? Wha-wha-what d you know?"

His mother giggled from behind a raised hand. "Enough to know that however catches your father will be given an award by the emperor himself." Ranma stared with dish sized eyes at his mother. "But don't worry I managed to get rid of any blame he put on you, I don't like it but it's amazing what a billion yen (8) will make dissiper."

Ranma's eyes all but bulged out of his socket's.

"Know before we begin what I'm sure will be a long and exhausting tale I want to get any questions you have out of the way. And if I guess correctly you have a rather prominent one in your mind.."

Ranma looked at his mother. Then stood up straight up with hands raised to the sky.

"HOW ARE WE SO &ING RICH!!"

"Ranma, language!" His mother admonished him. He visibly relaxed and looked apologetic.

"Sorry Mom. It just that on the road dad tried go get me married into dozens of wealthy families." Nodoka gave Ranma a look to signify she already knew. "Not to mention all the stuff he's tried to steal over the years."

"Yes I know, your father tried to sell the family treasures when we first married." This time her son did NOT look surprised.

"What I want to know is WHY the idiot did all that if he married into a family as rich as this?"

His mother gave a very unladylike snort before responding.

"That's easy son. It's because we weren't this rich when your father left, I amassed my fortune over the 10 year period you and your father have been gone."

'POP' her son's eyes were now at her knees and dangling by there socket's. "HOW!!"

'My family is definitely not normal' Nodoka thought amusedly. "Well Ranma to start of the Kahou(9) was quite well of to start being a game company for years making toys and games for Japan and then other countries since the start of the Meiji era. About 8 years ago your grandfather was in ill health and was forced to name a successor to the company."

Ranma interrupted "So he choose you right."

Nodoka shook her head "No he choose my brother Hazure (10) Apparently like most businessmen he thought a women wasn't capable of being anything other than an office lady. HAH I got my buisness AND design degree's from Tokyo U at the top of my all male class, I came up with nearly every toy the company made for the last 15 years and managed to launch our company into the top 10 toy manufacturers in the world but" She put on a sickeningly sweet voice dripping with sarcasm. "Daddy says a women doesn't know the first thing about business" Back to normal "Despite the fact that none of my brothers especially Kainashi were even remotely interested in the job or had any clue about business he thought in his infinite chauvinistic wisdom to put him in charge."

"Wow that sucks. The last and only time I said to a girl they couldn't be a martial artist I ended up with a dislocated shoulder." Ranma said sheepishly. Nodoka smiled at her son glad he had learned a very important lesson about equality that most people never do. (11)

"Well I'm glad for you sweetie. So to continue my father had put my brother as next in line as the unwilling head of one of the biggest games company in Asia and I was stuck in the design spitting out hit toy after hit toy without even a well done. Fortunately though my father was a very paranoid man when it came to the control of the company. He divided up the controlling shares between his 4 sons and three daughter myself included and Mom. Each owning only about 6.5 percent each. He got it in his head that by keeping ownership in the family would keep anyone else in the company from having any real say in the company but at the same time ensure that he was always in control.

"Lemme guess, that didn't pan out?"

"No. You see Samoshii Kahou thought that by keeping only 49 of the shares himself and giving shares to his wife who would always side with him and keep his more ambitious children at bay bickering who should succeed him while he tried to mould his youngest son into a mini him. What he didn't foresee was mother betraying him and along with the rest of the family giving their shares to me. giggle You should have seen the look on fathers face when he realise that a woman would be controlling his company. I'll give you a hint, you only 50 years older 40 lbs heavier, and balding in a bad suit."

Her son put his head back and laughed so hard tears formed in his eyes. He was joined by his mother for a few minutes.

"Ah I needed that. Anyway after I took the reigns things took a turn for the better. Without fathers bigotry we've been able to hire people who are better qualified to come work for us than half of the men in my fathers administration regardless of gender or race. And overall over the past decade have been making at least 10 times that we did previously moving us up to the number three toy manufacturer (13) , much to daddy's char din. But enough about that I have a question for you."

Her son turned to meet her eyes with a worried expression, inside Ranma's head it was like 'don't ask about china, don't ask about china, don't ask about china, don't ask about china.'

"How was China?"

'CURSE YOU KARMA!!'

Nodoka waved a hand in front of her son's face. "Ranma I asked you a question."

He snapped to it and looked quite nervous. Sweating several pounds off before answering "Well it was okay I guess." He said plainly. He saw his mother encouraging him for more. He took in a deep breath before continuing.

"Well Pop took us all over the country to different temples kinda like he did here. Those shoaloin monks sure did a number on him when they made him work like the rest of us." He smirked. "We left shortly after that, course he did take a few priceless scrolls with him as well that had the cop's chasing after us."

"I know. Several of your father's similar stunts almost caused an international indecent." His millionaire mother said heatedly.

"Yeah well aside from the more than occasional burglary Pop's turned out to be a decent sensei. He might look like a fat lazy idiot but when he ant's to he's like a man possessed."

Nodoka got a goofy grin on her face and talked in a dreamy tone. "Yes I know, that's what drew me to your father, a powerful man, fast, strong, skilled and a body that showed it all in the most delightful manner. A free untameable spirit rather than those lazy spoiled up their own ass rich boy's father set me up with."

"MOM!" Said the boy who was quite surprised at his mother hypocrisy about language.

"I'm an adult dear I'm aloud." She said coyly. "Now I actually know all of this, what I don't know however is when you ventured into the area in the quing hai province that I was told was outside of Chinese control. Tell me about Jusenkyo." She noted the colour immediately drain from her son's face and seem to pool on the floor.

"I was kinda hoping you wouldn't ask that." He said defeated. His mother scooted over slightly and put er hand on his shoulder.

"It's okay Ranma you can tell me." She said in a tone that was nothing but reassuring.

Ranma tore his gaze from his mother's eyes and looked at the table which had a pitcher of lemonade on it that a maid or something must have brought in during the story exchange. Wordlessly he poured a glass, he took a sip to quench his immense thirst and turned back to his mother.

"Okay here's how it went-" He started as he through the rest of his drink in his face.

* * *

The all to common Ranma flashback

The Saotome men had just arrived at what Genma said would be the last leg on the their long journey

"Welcome sirs to Justness springs of sorrow. Thousand pools of water all with too too tragic story to them." Said the man dressed in the Mao style clothing. Nearby Genma and Ranma both dressed in near identical gi's and carrying large backpack's. Genma dint bother listening to the rest of what the guide had to say and dropped his pack then with agility and grace a man his size should not physically have he jumped 30 feet froward and landed on one of the bamboo poles sticking out of the springs.

"Come boy let's see what you've got."

"No no sir. Is very bad if you land in springs!" He guide yelled. Fortunately Ranma listened.

"Hey Pop don't you think we should listen to this guy?" Unfortunately for the soon to be cursed boy his father employed his sure-fire baiting technique on him.

"Are you afraid boy. Are you some weak little girl." He taunted Ranma. His son was mildly annoyed but remembered that girl who had handed him his ass a few years prior. Seeing that his son wasn't baited he tried another approach. Tendo's patented waterworks technique.

"WWAAHH! WHAT A COWARDLY SON I HAVE!"

"Hey old idiot I ain't afraid I just listen nowadays when someone says 'danger'" Ranma said while pointing at the sign near the springs which clearly said 'danger' in several different languages.

The man only responded with continued blubbering like his old friend had showed him to. Ranma tried from several more logical angles to get his father to give but they were all met with the same crying. Giving up Ranma joined his father atop a bamboo pole opposite the soon to be panda. The crocodile tears stopped almost instantaneously as Genma Saortome lashed out with a flying kick at his son.

Ranma jumped away to another spring as his father landed on the pole he was on previous. Down below the guide was chewing on his fingernails as he waited for the springs to claim two new victims.

Landing on the bamboo Ranma used it as a springboard to shoot at his father like a bullet and nailing him with a haymaker and sending him crashing into the spring while he landed on another pole and waited for his dad to jump out. Down below he heard the guide mention something about a drowned panda and got a bad feeling about this. This bad feeling was confirmed as a panda launched itself out of the spring while wearing his fathers cloths and taking an anything goes stance. The identity of the panda was obvious but Ranma had a hard time understanding it.

"Pop?" He asked the panda. Who's response was a flying kick to the face which sent his son into a nearby spring. The guide bowed his head in shame at yet another failure to do his job.

"Spring of drowned girl. Too too tragic tail of girl who drowned in spring 1500 years ago-."

Ranma had resurfaced in the spring and almost immediately felt different. Looking down he saw two very large things sticking out of his chest.

"-now whoever falls in spring takes body of young girl they be if they born one."(13)

Ranma's only reply was a high pitched. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

End Flashback

* * *

Nodoka stared in shock at the girl his son had become upon contact with his drink. This girl indeed did look like she did at a young age but with several key differences that made the boy turned girl resemble his/her grandmother even more.

Unlike her at that age she was not short but was strangely tall for a Japanese girl at about 6'3 like Nodoka's mother was, giving her long legs to go with a taunt waist and wide hips that stopped her slacks from falling down and a large but firm bottom. She had Nodoka's face only about 18 years younger and still held a little baby fat to give the girl that cute look. Ranma's black hair had turned bright red which framed her innocent blue eyes. The most noticeable thing about her however was hardly innocent, Nodoka stared wide eyed at the enormous bulges that caused all but one wooden button on her sons Chinese shirt to come undone off and then make the last one reveal it was actually a tie made with a rather strong piece of rope rather than a button which had apparently been added to the shirt for this occasion. If Nodoka had to guess she'd have had to say at least a high f-cup at least, which was about the same size as her own mother and sister's if not bigger, and if her sisters were any indication then her son/daughter would still be growing for the next few years. The millionaire ess absently rubbed her own modest chest cursing her luck that she had to be he only one to inherit those genes from her fathers side of the family.

Ranma groaned and lifted her mothers face away from her chest so their eyes could meet. She saw shock and confusion prominent (and a tiny bit of jealousy), but was infinitely relieved that their was no disgust or hatred in Nodoka's eyes.

Nodoka having her face lifted to met her new daughters eyes felt a little guilty at the worry and apprehension in Ranma's eye's, firming her resolve she reached froward and pulled her son/ daughter into a maternal embrace.

Ranma had never been really hugged before. Their was his fathers bear hugs but that was training, and the over enthusiastic ones his Mom gave him a while back but this was different, it was warm and comforting in a way that Genma had never allowed him to feel before and this new sensation was really nice she decided, she leaned in a little and put her head against her smaller mothers hair and hugged back. Ignoring the slightly uncomfortable yet tingly feeling she was getting from her chest from being lightly pressed into something.

They pulled away and looked at each other with understanding. Evident that their relationship as Mother and Son/ daughter would not be hurt by the unusual condition. Of course Nodoka still did have a prominent question that Ranma already knew, it was usually asked after 'how can you do that' and 'is it a complete change' and of course the ever popular 'are those real'.

"Don't worry about the change. The guide said that cold water activates the curse but hot water reverses it." She said a little annoyed that their wasn't any hot liquid in the room at the moment.

Her mother chuckled "That's good dear I was worried for an instant I'd lost my long lost son." Her pleasant smile turned into a devious one "Although I wouldn't mind having a daughter to dress up. Maybe even get you a nice boyfriend."

"MOM!" Ranma shouted indignantly. Nodoka's smile only widened.

"What? I mean it's not like it would be difficult for you to get one with a body like that." This time she noted that Ranma developed a full body blush if the crimson colour her sons face was turning. She let out a hardy and very unladylike laugh while waving her hands in a warding gesture to show she was kidding, which of course had Ranma grumbling about her luck with parents.

"Now seriously all joking aside I don't believe your condition will have much of an impact on your life." Said his mother who he eye balled strangely.

"I know you think that just because you change your gender with water it will create awkwardness between you and other people but I'm sure that it won't be such a problem once people get to know you." Her brow deepened as an 'as if' look grace her new daughters face.

With a huff Nodoka gave in to her son for the moment knowing this argument wouldn't be solved in a minute. "Or if you'd like we can start getting you waterproof soap I saw in the catalogues a while back." This time Ranma's face had relief written all over it. He obviously heard about the soap before or he'd have a look of confusion instead of a face splitting smile.

She was glad that all the uncomfortablenesses was out of the way. Now she could move onto the important things.

"If we could move past your gender issues for a moment son I'd like to talk to you about what's going to happen now."

"Huh?" Was the large chested 'boy's' intelligent response.

"Your future." Nodoka said plainly. "Now that your no longer on the road you need to figure out what it is you want to do for the foreseeable future."

Her son/ daughter looked thoughtful for a few moments before responding in a slow voice. "I'm not really sure. All my life I've had to do what pop told me to do. What to eat, what to do, what to say. Now that he's not around any more choosing for myself feels kind of weird."

Nodoka gave her a smile. "I'm not asking for a fully detailed life plan Ranma. I'm just asking what you want to do for now." Nodoka stopped for a second to let it sink into the other redhead before continuing. "Well lets start with a rather important question. Do you want to teach at a dojo son?"

"WHAT!!" The aquatransexual yelled, looking at her mother like she asked if water was wet. "Course I wanna teach a dojo. That's what I've been training for the last ten years for." The girl was a little worried when she saw her mother frown a little.

"Ranma I don't want a canned answer." She said "I want to here your honest opinion and not something your father has pounded into your brain since you were born. Now I'll ask you again, do 'you' want to teach a dojo?"

Ranma was about to repeat her previous answer when she caught herself. All her life Genma had told him that he 'would' be teaching the family art at the dojo, not if he would like to but rather he 'would'. Like everything else about his life he wasn't given any real say in the matter. Did he want to teach the art? Sure he loved the martial arts with every cell in his body but could he honestly be content with just that one thing for the rest of his life now that he had a say. He could do anything now, be anything he wanted and their was no fat idiot to tell him otherwise. But could he learn to love something else as much as he loved the art?

Despite the old say '**Better too much than too little**' having too many choices to pick from CAN be even worse than having no choice at all.

Ranma looked away from her mother with a slightly ashamed look. Like she had just figured out something she didn't like about herself "I'm not sure what I want any more."

She received a brief hug from her mother who parted but still had her hands firmly on her shoulders. "That's perfectly understandable Ranma. Like I said I'm not expecting you to plan your whole life right now. You'll have plenty of time for that when your in school."

"School?"

Nodoka kept smiling and even did the Kakashi eye smile thing with both eyes. "Of course. No matter what you decide you want to be you simply must have an formal education if you plan to be anything. I believe that the detective informed you that if you want to be a sensei you need qualifications in order to obtain a license. Well it's the same about nearly everything. Unless of course you'd rather spend your life as a janitor." She said with a hint of amusement."

Now the currently female boy understood. He had only been in school a few times in the past when the truant officer had tracked down Genma. When he thought about it he could actually say he liked it, not having to move around constantly, having friends, he even picked up a few things from the teacher which came in handy. Plus like hiM mom said it was kind of important if he wanted to get anywhere in life. Smiling she said. "Yeah school sounds good.".

"Good, I've already taken the liberty of getting you a place in my old private high school. It's a little ways outside of Tokyo but you can still come home everyday, after all I didn't look for you for ten years just to send you away myself.

Ranma nodded. Nodoka stood up and patted her legs which had already fell asleep from sitting their for the past few hours.

"Yawn It's getting late son. You should get some sleep because tomorrow is going to be your first day at the academy."

"Ranma looked confused. "Tomorrow? Shouldn't I... ya'know go buy a uniform or something." His mother waved her off.

"Oh I told the maids to start making your uniform the second you came through the door. I just have to tell them about your current form and it'll be ready by morning. No store after all has uniforms that could handle the wear and tear you'll be putting it through." Her mother smiled deviously. "Or prevent giving the boys a show if you change and those monsters appearing on your chest rip the jacket wide open."

"MOM!!" Said the indigent girl who was now covering her as her mother put it 'monstrous' chest while blushing redder than her hair. Her mother laughing at her expense was something she felt she was going to have to get used to if today was any indication.

"HA HA ha, ho you are just so easy to rile up son. Look just go to bed okay. Angelica should be just outside waiting to take you to your room. Goodnight son" She said as she turned back to the paints on the floor which had by now hardened on the tarp on the floor. The redhead bid goodnight to her mother and opened the door to see that he'd been right about their being a very young girl working in the house. She was Caucasian in appearance, had long blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes. She looked so cute in fact that Ranma was rubbing her teeth with her tongue because she could wear her teeth were beginning to rot.

"Angelica?" She asked the little girl how nodded then took one of Ranma's and dragging her down the hall. Giggling in a crystal perfect voice all the way.

As the door slid closed Nodoka's thoughts turned from her son's return to grand baby's as far as the eye could see. That was why she'd made sure to send her son to her old stomping ground. Where not a girl was anything less than beautiful and nearly every couple from it got married later. She might not like the idea of 'forcing' Ranma to Marry but had no qualms of helping speed it up.

Yess sirry she made a good decision sending him to Zashono Academy. (14)

* * *

End Chapter 1

(1) I've never been to Japan, I don't know where anything is, what any of the city's and towns are like. I'm using a general term cause I'm afraid if I use a real place name someone will be offended.

(2) In Japanese 'Itami' can mean the following words. -pain, ache, sore, grief, distress, damage, bruise

(3)Tribute to Kenshin

(4)I've made a little change to Ranma's personality. He won't do something just because someone says its for honour. Like what he does in the show

(5) If it isn't about martial arts or how to make money then Genma could care less about it. the movie is obviously casa blanca

(6) I checked against a currency calculator and that should turn out to be around 10,000,000

(7) If you can't get a good idea then just 'google images' the words 'modern house' and you'll get an idea.

(8) Again that's about 10,000,000

(9) Kahou can mean the following. -good fortune, luck, happiness

(10) Hazure. - Failure

(11) Not only a pleasant change to Ranmas personality, but also one of my core beliefs.

(12) Second only to Nintendo and Kaibacorp. Yes I said Kaibacorp. **No** Yu-gi-oh crossovers apart from this one time.

(13) Just to be a little clearer on the curse and to help understand the situation.

(14) Yeah that's right. I crossed Ranma with Eiken. One of the most heavily fan serviced animé of all time


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own Ranma 1/2 or Eiken or maid team. If I did I would have made anime out of all 18 manga instead of the first few. Well. AM I RIGHT!!

If you find any inaccuracies or in the fic please notify me on the review board.

Ranma: Welcome to the club.

* * *

Chapter 2: No choice: School club day

* * *

Ranma Saotome for wakened from an usually deep sleep. Now ordinarily he'd be on constant alert for his father. Considering that he was used to sleeping which no covers and rock for a mattress. Plus his dear old dad liked to start training as soon as he woke up starting with trying to land a blow on his son. The boy in question had many a rough morning before he learned how to keep himself aware of his surroundings and still rested while in a form of meditation which resembled sleep. It did do the trick and his dad hadn't been able to catch him off guard in years but it wasn't nearly as restful as real sleep.

Today though. He sat up and found himself in a low bed. Like a futon only with a mattress and a wooden frame. It may not seem like much of a bed to most people but to him it was like sleeping on a cloud. For the first time in years he actually had a good nights sleep.

Yawning a little and stretching, Causing a few popping noises as he did so. Rubbing the sleep dust away from one of his eyes he looked around the room the little blond girl had said was made especially for him when he returned. It was quite a big size. About three times the size of your typical room and the ceiling was about 15 feet above him. The wall were white plaster of course and the floor was the same wood style that was around the rest of the mansion. His furniture was quite spartan as was the rest of the room. He had a basic dresser to the right of the door and table with a plain wooden chair seated in front of it was to the right of the dresser. Their was no east wall to his room only a set of sliding glass doors which led out to a balcony, the door had white vinecian blinds drawn to block the dreaded sun from invading his slumber too early. To his left was a small side table seemingly built into his beds framework holding a metal frame lamp and an old fashioned alarm clock, Finally the west side wall had a door which led to his own private bathroom.

'This is nice' Thought Ranma. Waking up because he choose to rather than being forced to. Not having to look over himself this morning for fear that something may have bitten or stung him and not having the aches of sleeping up a tree so the wolves don't eat him. He looked at the clock, 6:00am it read. 'Not used to sleepin' this late' he thought. Usually his father would wake him at around 4:30 to begin Kata before he himself went back to sleep for another 4 hours. Lazy panda.

He slowly got out of the bed. Partly unwilling to leave it's refreshing comfort. He shuffled over to the bathroom door. It wasn't as lavish as one would expect. Bath big enough for two, a porcelain sink and a medicine cabinet mirror. He moved over to the sink. He performed the usual morning routines for a high school boy. Brush his teeth, wash his face, scrub under her arms, tidy up...wait, her?

Yes Ranma had indeed turned into his overly voluptuous form during his wash. Apparently like most water heaters the one used souly for this bathroom had to have the water running for a few minutes before it become hot enough for Ranma to stay male. Luckily the boy turned girl had chosen to sleep without a pajama top on during the night due to the houses more than adequate heating system otherwise he'd have to bother the maids for repairs. The way some of the ones about his age were looking at him as he walked to the room yesterday was a little disturbing.

(After 10 years on the road with all but the most platonic contact with females and no certain class on the subject Ranma Saotome didn't even know the word 'libido'. With a crossover like this whose willing to bet that will change.)

Quickly running her hands under the hot tap she once again became her birth gender. It was a little aggravating that his body would change upon contact with even the smallest amount of liquid. Provided of course that it was pure water and coming into contact with anything that wasn't his lips and the inside of his mouth. Jusenkyo wasn't that cruel after all. He left the bathroom to go and get his uniform . His mom had after all went through all the trouble of getting him into her old school so the least he could do is look right for it.

His eyes twitched frantically as he stared at the number of items in the closet. If he remembered correctly he had heard his mother had said that his uniform was being modified by the maids in case he changed.

So why was there so much 'DAMN' girls clothing here.

Half the closet was taken up by slightly baggy shirt's, t-shirts, short and slacks. While the other half was filled with obviously girlish variations of the same clothing. Frilly shirts, a dress or two and even an ugly combination yellow school sweater and purple skirt not to mention a gym shirt and bloomers, both with a card on them saying...

-_take as well_-

Even the drawers at the bottom of the closet had undergarments for both his needs. Boxers and briefs to the left and bra's and panties to the right. In the middle of that same drawer was a dark white spandex shirt with a card on top decorated with badly drawn little animals. It read:

_Sports shirt -tough enough for a man. Supportive enough for a woman.-_

Obviously meant for him as an added precaution to go with the modified boy gear. He wanted to throw it away along with the rest of the girls clothing but decided against it. His mom probably had a valid reason for giving him all this. Well either that or she was insane. Knowing his luck it was probably the latter. He quickly got changed into the shirt and slacks, preferring not to have to wear the rather stuffy looking black jacket. He also grudgingly picked out the girls uniform and quickly stuffing it under his arms without as much as looking at it.

**Knock Knock**

Ranma turned to face his door just as it opened. A fairly young woman entered the door. Wearing a forest green house dress in addition to the white maid apron and matching maid cap. She had short brown hair and clear blue eyes. She had one of those smiles that had you wonder whether she was smiling because she wanted to or because she had to.

"Excuse me Ranma-sama but your mother sent me to tell you that she has prepared breakfast for you both."

That was mildly surprising.

"Mom cooks. Don't she have cooks ta' do that for her."

The girl lifted her hand and giggled behind it a little. "Oh goodness yes. It's just that Nodoka-sama is incredibly artistic and prefers to do such things pertaining to art herself. She considers cooking an art form as does does when she can. The cooks are responsible for feeding the staff and catering when we have a large number of guests such as parties and off site meetings for the company."

He nodded at the explanation. Better to do things on your own than have everyone do everything for you.

"Tell mom I'll be down in 5 minutes."

"Oh. Do you know where the dining room is already Ranma-sama?"

"Er..."

"I thought so. Please follow me." She said as she exited the room.

Ranma quickly regained his composure and headed out behind her.

* * *

As he followed the young maid through the labyrinth like house his head continued to to bob from left to right as he took in all he could. If it wasn't the artistic designs flowing along the walls that if he remembered were all works of his mom, he was watching as maids and butlers who looked no older than he at their oldest were rushing about the house to perform their day to day tasks. As a matter of fact he had just caught sight of 3 girls running into his room with various cleaning items and closing the door behind them, only to exit it with visibly depleted cleaning supplies almost as soon as the door had closed.

It was strange that he had yet to see a person over 25 aside from his mother in his entire mansion yet. And he'd been looking for the last 10 minutes.

"You won't find one Ranma-sama."

His head whipped around to met the back of the girls head as she continued forward.

"Huh?"

He could tell her smile widened a little. She seemed to enjoy embarrassing him like this.

"You will not find any person employed in this house older than 23 and a half. An age which belongs to Miss Kongo Tsunami the head of security. Nodoka-sama is the eldest person on the estate."

"Really? The few mansions I've been in always had this one old as dirt butler hangin' around at least."

"Well Ranma-sama you can tell by this home that traditional is not something Nodoka-sama is. She will not do something because thats the way it's always been done."

He nodded.

"When creating her staff either at home or work she always makes her choices based on three important factors. Number 1 is skill, two is trustworthiness and three is dedication. Taking into account all three of these Nodoka-sama was able to elevate the family company to the height it is know at by removing the employees and executives who did not display these traits and filling those positions with those that did."

Again he nodded. His mom had already told him pretty much the same thing yesterday.

"When she was staffing the house she looked for the ability to dedicate yourself to whatever task given. The ability to be trusted completely to ensure teamwork and peace between all staff members, and in terms of skill...

...to have none whatsoever" She finished expecting to hear the delightful sound of make confusion once more.

"Thats a good idea. Instead of wasting time trying ta' get a bunch a people who do things all there own way to do what you want. Ya train 'a bunch of people to do all the things your way."

Her eternal smile feel the fraction of a fraction of a millimeter as she was denied her slightly twisted humor.

"Yes. Nodoka-sama hand picked each and every one of the 200 maids and 50 butlers. Each and every one of us initially possessing no skill in the duty's for which we were assigned. One by one she molded us for the tasks for which we were to perform until we could execute them flawlessly."

"So...what? My mom train you to be a guide."

"Actually every staff member is required to know the house inside out. Which is quite confusing considering that new wings and floor are always being built. I am Yue Nagasaki, My duties are actually as Mrs Nodoka's personal assistant. I accompany her about the home and work and aid her with anything she might require. I am one of the top 10 servants in the house."

"So yer' my moms secretary?"

A vein appeared on her forehead while keeping the calm appearance.

"I prefer to be called her personal assistant."

"So yer' my mom's secretary?"

"...yes."

"Oh."

They stopped in front of a set of of sliding doors. Yue turned around before bowing to him slightly before heading off down the hall. A touch slower than he wanted cause of all the delicious smells coming from the room he politly slid the door over and stepped into the room. He was both surprised and relived to find a large dining table that could hold at least 20 people in the center of the room. Sparcly decorated with wood woven place mats with chopsticks to the left and a knife and fork to the right. He hadn't expected a weird idea of a mansion like this to have this table but it was nice to see that his every belief in the homes of the rich wasn't completely shattered by this place. At the far end of the table sitting at the biggest chair was his mother somehow eating with a speed he and his dad ate with. Yet somehow making it till look graceful and ladylike. He was going to sit down at the opposite end of the table when he saw that there was a second meal in front of the chair to Nodoka's right.

Once properly seated he found it rather difficult to keep himself from drooling. The stuff smelled even better than it did through the door and it looked incredible. It was rice, shrimp and a dipping sauce, and a very large glass of what smelled like 5 fruit's juice. Picking up the chopsticks he was about to dig in when he heard a cough from his mother in his direction. He put his hands together for a quick thanks for his meal before digging into his first bite of rice.

**'HALLELUJAH HALLELUJAH HALLELUJAH HALLELUJAH HAALLLEELUJAH'**

He has tasted the rice of the gods. Cooked in the kitchen of the angels and made for his unworthy taste buds.

And it was good to.

Nodoka smiled a little as she put her chopsticks on her clean plate as he son ate as if he would never be allowed to eat again. He was polished off in a mere matter of seconds. She was slightly disturbed at how he ate but that would come with time. She after all she was the current 'peu de bouche' of martial arts dining and had learned how to eat smaller mouthfuls of food elegantly without turning herself into a giant mouthed weirdo.

Once both Mother and Son had finished their meal they pushed their meal mats away a little to signify they were done. A butler quickly swooped in out of seemingly nowhere and quickly stacked the plates in a tower before vanishing into the shadows once more spooking Ranma a little.

"A car will be waiting outside to take you to the academy son."

"I thought I could just walk there."

"I'm afraid not Ranma. Zashono Academy is located along the shoreline a little ways out of Tokyo. If you had wanted to start walking then you should have already left an hour ago." His mother stated.

Ranma grimaced a little but nodded. He was used to traveling on foot and anything else just felt like he was being lazy. No use arguing though. If his mom was anything like him she wouldn't quit until she won the argument. Although...

"...Why is half my wardrobe girls cloths."

"Why for when your a girl dear." She said as if it was as simple as 1+1 2.

"I thought ya told the maids ta' just fix my guy stuff."

His mother nodded. "Yes that's true but that's only to prevent you from flashing anyone accidentally"

Her son blushed crimson from head to toe."

"But there **will **be times when your gender is non optional. Swimming for example."

"I thought ya ordered me that waterproof soap."

"I did but it's only manufactured in a few of the more remote areas of china where the springs of jusenkyo make it a necessity. Even with my resources it will take a little time for it to arrive. A week at least.

"A WEEK!!"

"RANMA SAOTOME!! I will not have voices raised at this table." She said with the all commanding voice that all mothers and bossy girls seem to possess. (1)

"Sorry." He said meekly. Her blazing eyes suddenly sputtered out and her face returned to it's normal relaxed smile.

"So since the soap won't be here for a while if you want to go swimming. Or go out in the rain without looking like a cross dresser..."

Ranma settled for burying his face in his arms on the table. He was beginning to understand how a woman like his mother could marry his dad. They were both crazy.

"...Which I might add is strictly forbidden for either gender at the school so I expect you to carry both uniforms around with you at all times to change into as soon as possible." She said in a tone of finality.

He didn't bother to acknowledge her. He **knew** she knew he understood and would do it. It wasn't like a guy could win an argument with a girl anyway. (2)

"Now hurry up son. The cars been waiting to take you to school for the past 15 minutes."

He adopted a confused look. Gazing up to the clock in the middle of the wall he saw it was only 6:45 Am. He still had an hour and a quarter to get to school.

Following her son's gaze she 'oh'ed' a little before gazing of in a random direction. "Maybe I should have told you that the academy is an hour and a half drive from here. Silly me."

She turned round to hear the sound of air suddenly being rapidly displaced as her son dashed out the room at lightning pace. Shaking her head a little she sighed.

"I fear my son may be more like his father than either of us would like." She said as she held out her hand in front of her like she had a cup of tea. She brought her hand to her mouth and dank deep the camermeal blend that had suddenly been placed in her fingers before they even reached her mouth.

"Speaking of my lovable buffoon I wonder where he is."

* * *

-Somewhere in Tokyo-

Sneaky feet.

Creaky feet.

Super fatty ninja feet.

Genma Saotome was a shadow. A big fat idiotic shadow. Clinging to alleyways and jumping onto rooftops when he saw anything that even looked like a uniform of the law. So in the heavy business part of Tokyo he was currently in he was hardly ever in sight with all the men in black suits walking about.

The past two days had not been kind to Genma Saotome. Never before had the law chased him so relentlessly. Then again never had the law thought to turn all the smalltime rewards on his head into one giant one. With the equivalent of ten million US dollars slapped on his backside he not only had the police actively looking for him with authority to carry guns and armed with rubber bullets but he also had bounty hunters of every shape and size after the reward, and just because the reward called for him to be alive dint mean they were afraid to bring bring out their B.A.G's (Big Ass Guns) and see how you far you can go with '**alive**.'

'Damn that detective.' Thought the bald idiot. 'How am I supposed to get Ranma to marry a Tendo now?'

Yes he was still focused on getting his son to marry a Tendo. It was a simple plan and considering the nature of the one who created it was probably his greatest plan ever. So of course he wasn't about to let it go just because his wife was one of the richest people in japan now. Not that he was aware of that anyway. He never knew much about Nodoka's family other than the men in the family were the only ones who got to even look at the money the money while the women were just meant to look pretty and be married off. Of course he only found out that little tidbit after they were married and living in an average suburban home. Ah well she might not have been rich like he wanted but she was still a hell of a women.

Not to mention a demon in the sack.

'heh he heh'. Genma giggled pervertedly.

This little act of perversity managed to draw the attention of a nearby female officer. I say female because you see women have a unique power. In japan his power is known as 'denpatanshiki chikan' or 'pervert radar' in English This allows women to immediately find any man who had the slightest perverted thought within a mile radius of them. Unfortunately for Genma he's been but a measly 134 feet away when he thought about his wife's marital duties. So the lady officer in question spun around on her heel and pointed at the wall Genma was clinging to before firing. Sending everyone about her to the ground in fright.

It took nearly took all of his speed and ki to dodge the bullet. Releasing his umisenken in the process. The womens eyes never wavered as she retook aim at the fat father who didn't waste his time in bolting into the crowd and throwing people back in his wake to avoid the shots.

After three chambers in the special issue bereta were emptied she lowered her gun, her hat covering her eyes. Next to her, the male officer she was partnered with gave a long whistle while readjusting his hat and looked down the direction the fugitive left in.

"Now that was some damn fine shooting Rei. How the hell did you know he was even their?"

Receiving no response he turned to look at her and almost immediately jumped back to land on one foot with his hands in a warding gesture.

His partner looked as though she had been lit on fire. A flaming aura roaring around her. Slowly her head rose from its downward position to show that her eyes were blazing with righteous fury. Raising her head to the heavens she shouted.

"PPPPEEEERRRRVVVEEERRRTTTT!!"

The reaction caused many a soiled undergarment that day. For as these words were uttered every single women of 14 and over in the sound of the voice immediately began to burn with the same flaming aura. Then almost as one a hundred head turned to face the direction the offender sprang of in. Raising they're heads to the heavens they mimicked the instigator.

"**PPPPPEEEEERRRRRVVVVEEEERRRRTTTTT!!"**

En mass 241 feet (1 old lady with a peg leg) shattered the very ground beneath then as they burst from the spots they were currently occupying to chase after the pore soul who had the misfortune of being a man. Which in a women eyes automatically pervert.

(And as we all know their's no such thing as a perverted women. Yeah right and I'm the guy who invented pudding)

Officer Hiroshi looked in the direction of the departing mob of female anger with his wide eyes. Getting up of the ground which a high school girl had sent him down to. Casually brushed himself off and straightened his clip on tie.

"This is why I had a visectiomy after my first two kids." He said before picking up his traction and heading in the opposite direction.

* * *

-Back with the boy who is a girl. Or is it the girl who is a boy I can never remember?-

He was pulling at the collar of his stark white shirt. He'd naturally refused to put on the tie and jacket but as it was such a nice day outside I really don't think anyone would care. He was currently sitting in the back of a very long beige limousine. It was beige of course because absolutely everyone had a black limo, and those who decided to stand out all had a white limo. Which was strange to think that if everybody who wanted to stand out bought a white limo then were they really standing out at all. No this was most assuredly the only toffee colored limo their was, because quite simply no one was all that fond of riding around in a car that looked like it had been washed with mud.

He'd been riding in the back for th past hour and 20 minutes. He had to get dressed in the car which wasn't all that hard given the room to move about in was more than enough despite the fact he couldn't stand. After those first few minutes he'd grown bored rapidly. Oh sure their was a projector which displayed on the part that separates the passenger from the driver (who hadn't as such as given him a nod by the way). Sure thee was the fact that it had every channel known to man and several known to dolphins. A game console that looked like someone had merged the wii with an xbox 360 and a ps3 making it a wiistation 360. The fact of the matter was that to Ranma if you couldn't hit it with his bear hands then it wasn't fun. So he settled for watching the scenery go by. An act which he had never done before considering his father always told him not to cloud his mind with anything that wasn't t do with martial arts.

Suddenly a rather deep and rough voice (not unlike someone was attempting to speak after intensive throat surgery) came out of the speakers were light elevator music was preciously thumping away.

"Mr Saotome were approaching the school."

'I don't see nothing but a beach' Thought Ranma looking out the window.'

"Its on the left sir." Said the voice as if the driver could read the young masters mind.

Blushing a little from embarrassment he scooched over across the plush seats and peered out the window.

Like everyone seeing Zashono academy for the first time. Ranma gaped in amazement.

The school sat at the end of the beach on a massive man made island like structure. In most basic terms of shape it was a cone. Climbing up into the sky like a mostly Grey mountain. All over this mountain were what appeared to be hundreds of rectangular school buildings. There were the slightly less dull and Grey buildings that reminded him of the elementary schools he had been to for but a week before being pulled out by Genma. The dull and unimaginative middle and high school bbuildings he was more familiar with in his later years. As well as other building he could only guess since the buildings were schools that they must be the gymnasiums, swimming pools and god knows what else is attached to a school. All in all this looked less like a school and ,town designed by an artist who'd taken a little to much 'inspiration'.

"Welcome to Zashono academy sir. Student population is approximately 50,000 students at any given time encompassing every level of education from kindergarten to university."

'Well that explains that I guess.'

He car pulled up along the side of the road about 2 minutes away from the school. The door opened and the pigtailed boy got out to face the school. Up ahead the drivers door opened as the burly young man in the suit stepped out with a large piece of folded paper in his hands. Ranma slung his bag over his shoulder and went up to meet his driver who handed the paper to him. Unfolding it he discovered that it was one of the most complicated maps he had ever seen. Several different pictures described the various levels of the school. The map was partially obscured by a large red line from a felt marker. This line lead all over the academy to stop at various places with X's and numbers marked all over the place. At the top of the map someone had the courtesy to put an index for all the various numbers and what they mean. X'1 for example was the main school he would be attending and was located on the 'high school' level of the incredible structure.

"I'm afraid I'll have to leave now sir. If I'm not back in the next hour to drive her to the office your mother will hang me by a hook through my tongue." His face locked in seriousness.

Not waiting for Ranma to ask how he could cut a half hour of the drive he jumped back into the stretch vehicle. He pulled a u turn in the conveniently sized four lane road to face the direction which he came. Suddenly Ranma began to hear a strange sound coming from the engine. Like it had swallowed something it didn't like. With a flash of flame from the tailpipe the car was gone in a burst of fire, the words 'viva la nitro' in a deep shout echoing off into the distance.

Turning away from the rapidly diminishing car he turned to th gigantic form of the worlds largest academy. Shuddering a little at the thought of school he began his death march towards the island as though his feet were encased in cement.

* * *

-Zashono academy 10 minutes later-

Ok

He was getting a little annoyed.

Here he was trying to find his class before he became any later than he already was when what seemed like the entire male student population rushed past him, trampling him face up into the ground and covered in shoe prints. Somehow managing to sneak up in front of him while he held his map up. 'They must have ninja training at this school.' The boy/girl thought. Cause how else would they be able to sneak up on him like that.

This of course had nothing to do with the fact that he'd dedicated so much half assed brainpower to deciphering the inhumanly impossible puzzle that was the map his mother had made a meteor could have impacted the earth and he would not have noticed til he was swept up in the debris.

Slowly he raised of the ground. One hand to lift himself up and the other to rub his groin as that area had come under a particularly vicious attack from a pair of cleats. Honestly who wears cleats to school.

(It was a trampling scene. You've 'got' to have cleats in a trampling scene)

"Hey man you okay?"

He saw to rather indistinguishable guys walk over to him. Seriously they were completely unnoticeable even when he was looking right at them. Brown eyes, black and brown hair. Faces neither too ugly or too handsome, average height. Though they did have differences. The guy on the right was significantly stockier than the other and wore glasses. Plus one was wearing a gi while the other wore a basketball top and shorts and was much taller. It was as if he stopped concentrating on them then they might fade into a crowd that was not there.

"Yeah. Just didn't expect to get trampled on my first day."

The two looked at each other.

"First day? On the second week of school starting? What class you in." The stockier one asked.

Trying to remember but as all too common for him he drew a blank. He listed the shredded map and looked for any undamaged clue of the room he was supposed to go to. Spotting it underneath a nike footprint.

(All nike footwear was the nike logo on the soul)

"Er. I think its high school building 7, room 31."

"Sweet that's our class." Said the thin one.

Ranma sighed in relief. The map was barely any help in the first place before it got shredded. Now he'd be lucky if he could find the end of his nose with it.

"Thanks. I'm Ranma by the way. Do you think you could show me to class now I don't wanna have to be any later than I already am."

The bigger guy smiled at him.

"Sorry no can do. I'm Maru by the way."

'I thought Maru went on the end of a name. Not made one.' "What do you mean no. I can't be late for my first day my mom will kill me."

The two chuckled.

"Uh Ranma dude. In case you hadn't noticed no-one's in class today. I'm Gai by the way(5)."

The boy who could be a girl swiveled on his heel to face the schoolyard. Indeed it seemed as though thousands of students were waling about. Most of them dressed in a fashion that was definitely not uniform. Gi's, baseball uniforms, kimono's, old English cloths, cricket cloths. Every possible design of clothing was seen before the bi-genderal boy. In fact he thought for a second he saw someone in a giant bear suit. Overhead streamers were hung from every high place. A little ways into the distance he could see fare rides like roller coaster and the big wheel.

"Just...what...is all this?"

"Club day?" Maru said plainly.

"Club day?" Ranma repeated lamely.

"CLUB DAY!" Both of them shouted to get it through the boy's skull. Gai then coughed a little after shouting before continuing in a much less painful level of speech.

"Today students new to the school. Or just looking for something more to the school can join one of over 500 clubs including but not limited to..."

He took a deep breath."

Soccer, baseball, basketball, karate, wrestling, choir,opera, library, science, history, geography, mathletes, video games, tai chi, theatre, art, eiken, swimming, cricket, American football, go, Shoji, chess, polo, quiz team, puzzle, gymnastics, volleyball, fencing, kendo, hocke..."

"Okay I think he gets the idea." said Maru

Ranma actually looked interested. Out of the few clubs he mentioned he'd managed to get the tit bit about the martial arts clubs. He was well versed in most of them but one.

"What kind of martial art cub is Eiken."

He stepped back a little at their reaction. Their faces darkened, their fists clenched and they visibly began to shake.

"The Eiken club is..." Maru began.

"The Eiken club is..." Gai continued.

"The Eiken club is..." Gai and Maru said together continued. With an almighty below they were both in Ranma face. Their noises dripping with blood

"THE BEST CLUB EVER!!" They shouted. Steam and blood snorting out their nose.

He scooched back a little from the over emotional boys. His hands in a warding gesture.

"Okay. What's so great about it?" He asked. His new associates looked like he'd grown a second head when eaten it.

"WHAT!! The Eiken club is the most distinguished club in the school. Guys and chicks bend over backwards for an invitation they never get. It the best club ever."

"Really?" He started. "What do they do?"

"Well...No one knows." Replied Maru with his hand behind his back.

"Okay. So where is it?"

"Not a clue." said Gai plainly

"How do you join?"

"That I do know. It's supposed to be invitation only. Rumor is the if the club president wants you in then your forced to join." Said Maru in a hush hush manner.

"Okay then what are the members like?" Now that question got a rise out the two boys. Red trails down their noses began anew as they grinned a little too much to be doing anything but thinking dirty.

"No ideaaaaaa." The two said as if in a dream induced trance.

A tick appeared on Ranma's head as he clenched his teeth. He moved over to the two idiots and raised his fists.

**WHAM**

Maru and Gai were crouched on the ground with a now different colored liquid coming from above their noses and nursing multistory lumps.

Ranma still possessed his look of righteous fury as he looked down at his two may-be-friends.

"Would you two idiots would actually be helpful for a change!"

The two stood up still nursing their now miraculously lump less heads.

"Sorry man but we couldn't help it. She just has that effect." Said Gai

"Who?"

"Yeah no-one really knew that the Eiken club was even real til she joined."

"Who?" He said a little more forcefully.

"I mean out of all the clubs in the school who were begging her she went and joined one we only thought was a myth."

"WHO!"

"Can you imaging if she was in the wrestling club. Hands everywhere. Throwing each other to the round and pinning the loser."

"What about the basketball team. Jumping for the baskets, tackling defense, Balls bouncing everywhere. Bouncy. Bouncy."

**WHAM**

Two hormonal idiots on the ground again this time kissing pavement. Once again thanks to an irate Ranma.

"Who. Are. You. Talking. About." He punctuated each word with more force than his fists. Both boys got the message. 'Give me a real answer or you won't be thinking about girls for a long time'. Nervously Maru pointed over in the direction which many of the boys who had trampled him had ran off in. No more than 400 feet away from him the large group of club scouts had gathered and appeared to be shouting towards the center of the crowd with requests and pleads to join their clubs.

"Can't see anything from down here." He mumbled. He swiveled his head a little til he found something he could use. In this case a lamp post. Without even crouching he jumped the 15 feet straight up and landed on the post in a crouching position. Ignoring the astonished gasps that he was oh so used to when he displayed his talent he peered into the center of the crowd which he now noticed that was a whole lot bigger than he first thought, a good hundred to a hundred and fifty easy. Scanning a little for the supposed source of all the boys he found her almost instantly.

To say the least he was both surprised. Yet not surprised at all.

The girl looked like him. Well not like him exactly. A more accurate statement would be that the girl looked like his other self. She was about as tall, lacking but a few centimeters. Fiery red hair that was free flowing except for the two long sideburns that had baubles in them and was most certainly as long as Ranma's truly was outside of the braid. Her face was quite different though. Ranma had in both genders an unusual shade of blue for a Japanese national while this girl had more common yet somehow sparkling brown eyes filled to the brim with innocence that betrayed her body. Her face was a little bit longer and slightly more angular than Ranmas as well and what he could tell from when she was talking that she had a smallish mouth. Of course like any guy he eventually wondered down to her body. It didn't seem that even a god ugly color scheme like the girls uniform could not dissuade average boys from a girl when she looked like that. Shaped like an hourglass with a firm rear that she keep pulling her suspiciously short uniform skirt over whenever she felt the smallest breeze. Long legs clad in equally disgusting purple knee socks, and of course the two very large protrusions sticking out of her chest and stretching the fabric of the mustard yellow top. About as large as his red head self if not a centimeter larger. This combined package is what drove the non aquatransgenderal men crazy. Unlike most boys however Ranma was desentitised from the average male reaction and actually found himself comparing his girl side's body to hers.

It never occurred to him that he'd been doing that almost from first glance.

He jumped down and landed in his previous spot. Looking at the two slack jawed faces he sighed.

"I've studied martial arts my whole life. Satisfied. Both nodded.

"Any questions." He said sounding rather annoyed. Wanting to get the usual amazement out of the way.

"Would...would you, maybe, wanna join the wrestling club." Maru managed to whisper out.

Ranma looked thoughtful for a second before shaking his head.

"Nah. Mom said I should learn more than martial arts while I'm here." He stopped. "And as fer sports. Don't wanna end up with a basketball jammed in your jaw after all with how hard I play."

Both boys nodded dumbly.

"So that's the girl you guys were talking bout right. I can see why."

Maru upon hearing one of his favorite subjects broke his stupor. Looking over at the slowly advancing crowd as the girl tried to leave.

"Yeah that's Chiharu Shinonome Aged sixteen measurements 88b 55w 82h..."(4)

"How the hell do you know that?" Said a incredulous Ranma.

The stout boy continued regardless "...They said she was in nearly every club in her old middle school but still made valedictorian"

"Wow really." Replied the martial artist. He could admire a girl who managed that.

"Yeah. It's really a crying shame that she doesn't wanna join any other clubs. But I guess when you went from 0 to a thousand like she did over the summer she probably doesn't wanna get involved with many guys at the moment."

"Mmmm" Went Ranma. Since he'd got the curse he'd had more than a few cautious glances. Not to mention the old man with the busy hands who was too old to have a sense to preservation left.

"Ah well. My club president told me to try and get a few new members but I guess I'll just quit." Said Gai with a laugh.

"Hah Yeah me too." Agreed Maru.

"Just how many people have you asked anyway?"

The two turned to him.

"You mean not including you and Chiharu just before you got here. No-one."

"Yeah I mean everyone any good is either already in a club or 'too good' to be in a club. Aye." Said Maru with a rather sarcatic look at his new friend.

He just groaned at the rather obvious jab at him and planted his face in his hands trying to make sense of these two. He was beginning to like them some some strange reason or another but if this was what the average teenage boy was like then he was predicting many idiocy related headaches in the future.

So caught up in his state of semi depression he didn't seem to notice the single pair of dainty footsteps come towards him ahead of the hundred also heading this way that he definitely did hear. He turned to make a jump over the impending stampede when the one who was making the previously mentioned dainty steps collided with him. Causing them both to twist and fall to the ground. Landing in a position anyone who knows the word 'ecchi' could guess.

His eyes were closed. It was instinct when you fall to close your eyes. Some people believe it's out of some insane idea that if you can't see it then it can't be happening, and if it can't be happening then the pain you feel when you've broken your leg in the fall isn't real either. One man who lived in a far off region in a strange land that you'd have to cut out your tongue and stick it back in the other way around to pronounce believed that if he closed his eyes whenever he feel then he would fall asleep before he hit the ground and be spared the incredible pain til his waking in the hospital where the pain he never felt would not be there. It was rather ironic that because he did this for every time he feel he could have saved himself many a sizable medical bill if he'd just have thrown his arms out to catch himself.

Ranma however had a much more sensible reason for closing his eyes. He had them closed because he had a strong suspicion that he would not like were he had landed.

For one thing the air which just moments ago had been filled with please for club membership had went eerily silent save for a few choice whispers. The phrase's 'I wanted to do that' and more significantly 'pervert' rang across his ears and lodged themselves in his brain. He was also rather distressed by the fact that only one knee felt as though it was only on concrete while the other felt like it was resting against something warm. His hands which he usually found bracing dirt and stone when he feel were instead holding onto what he sincerely hoped where to very large and soft pillows that someone had conveniently put there Cautiously as a man sticking his head in a starving lions mouth he gently squeezed the right pillow and was rewarded with a most feminine gasp. He swore he could now hear female sounds of indignance and male jealousy emanating from around him.

'Sometimes I think the universe just plain hates me' The very unlucky boy thought.

Deciding to end his torture he spoke.

"I'm lying on top of that Chiharu girl with my hands on her breasts aren't I." He said. It was not a question.

"Yuh, yeah dude." He heard Gai stutter out.

"Figures" he said as he opened his eyes. Though he currently didn't have the libido to understand it he would later come to realise that beneath him was an incredibly cute girl. Her face torn in an expression of embarrassment, forgiveness, horror and what they both would also later come to realize as a small amount of pleasure.

Not wanting to travel downward he could still feel as though his hands were sinking into the red heads asset's

"Sorry Shinonome-san." He said and got up with only a hint of blush. The girl also standing up quickly. Her arm's around her chest as she tried to avoid his eyes, her face burning atomic.

"No it's my fault. I didn't see were I was going and you had your back turned. I'm very sorry..."She trailed off. He picked up immediately.

"My names Ranma Saotome." He said as he smiled a little. The girl already starting to relax around him smiled a little as well.

The moment was disrupted as a baseball tried to lodge itself in his head. Before he caught it that is. He turned to face what he could only describe as an unruly mob. Bats and Bokken being wielded in his direction and that was only a small percentage of the angry wall of men (and a woman) glaring at him.

"There soft aren't they new guy?" One guy said angrily.

"Felt great didn't they?" Another one said while beating a blackjack in his hand.

Chiharu felt her face blush like a tomato at the words being spewed by the jealous boys. Unable to take it she turned to Ranma and uttered a quick "Sorry before bolting off as fast as her long legs could carry her. As he watched her leave he saw something slip out of her skirt pocket. As he went to pick it up he noted that she was already long gone by now.

"Hey were not done with you." Cried one of the boys from the mob.

Ranma rolled his eyes. He turned around and spotted something he couldn't help but smile at. Several girl's were looking at the boy's in a rather annoyed fashion. This got the cog's in his brain working.

"Why exactly are you so angry? I mean it was an accident." He said

"So! I wanted to feel them first." Their was a round of agreement from the boy's.

Off to the side Ranma could feel heat begin to build up.

"So you wanted Chiharu in your clubs so you could feel her up?"

"HELL YEAH!!" Was the unanimous response.

"You sure about that?" He said as he ever so subtly moved away from the building fire

"YES!" A guy in a Shakespearian costume said.

"Absolutely sure?"

"YES FCUKING YES WE WANTED HER IN OUR CLUBS SO WE COULD OGLE HER GET IT!!"

"Oh I don't get it but you sure are about to." Said Ranma with amusement in his voice.

"Huh?" Was the intelligent response.

"Turn to your right."

A hundred male (and one female) heads turned as one and a hundred pairs of pants (and one skirt) was suddenly stained yellow as they gazed into the blazing inferno that was the female 'anti pervert battle aura'.

"I hope you guys from the sports clubs are wearing cups." He said as he walked off in the direction the red haired girl had just headed off. Stopping only for a second when he heard the sound of 'PERVERRTT' ringing through the air followed by the sound of millions of possible children crying out in terror then suddenly being silenced.

"Perverts are idiots." He shook his head as he walked off.

* * *

Back at the site of the massacre were one hundred boys and one girl were rolling around on the ground in agony holding their private areas. Off to the side Gai and Maru were holding their privates in sympathy for their fallen brothers and sister in lust. They thought for a second before looking at each other then looking back at the carnage.

"Gai?"

"Yeah."

"A vissectomy sounds pretty good bought now."

"Yeah. Dad's a cop and he said it was the best decision he ever made."

The boy's stood still for a second.

"But at the same time..."

"I know dude. I know."

The to boys slinked back off to an unnamed location before the girls decided that they were the 'unholy p word' too.

* * *

High above the young Saotome on top of one of the many school buildings that dotted the island two figure watched the young martial artist in rapt attention. The first one had all the appearance of a little girl, her hair in a light blue bob cut that went with her elementary school blue uniform. Of course a normal little girl didn't usually have an expression of absolute seriousness nor did they wear a white lab coat, and almost certainly they did not wearing a pair of futuristic goggles. Well maybe toy one but certainly not ones that actually work. Thought the goggles over the distance which kept them away from the boys senses they watched him as well as any binoculars. Binoculars that showed the name and blood type of the one being watched.

"Are you sure about this Kirika?"

The girl next to her was a giant in comparison. Her face hidden in shadow what did show was her long purple hair tied back in a ponytail leaving her girl sideburns that reached her knees to flow reaclysave for the bauble at the ends. Her figure at the moment made even Chiharu look flat in comparison but she looked a look more normal in measurements because of her way more than average height.

"Never been not sure Kyouko."

"But this boy. He's not like what were looking for. His previous display of athletic ability shows he is unique an certainly not lacking in skill like we had hoped."

"Yeah I know."

"Then why?"

Kirika looked in Ranma direction.

"You ever seen a guy touch Chiharu's boobs and get away Scot free."

Kyouko said nothing. She was sure there was more to it but left it in the hands of the club president.

"He's entering the fourth club building."

Kirika grinned.

"Perfect. Contact the other members and notify them o execute plan B near the fourth club building."

"Roger."

"If the plan fails then you and I will take this guy by force."

She turned to the smaller girl and grinned.

"Lets use Gustav in case anything goes wrong."

For the first time. The seemingly little girl smiled

"Of course." She smiled

'One way or the other Ranma Saotome is becoming a member of our club.'

* * *

Unaware of the currant scheming the young Saotome wandered into the fourth club building. Mildly impressed that the school have as many club as it does is this building was any indication. It seemed like an ordinary school building except for that inside was a beehive of activity. Kids of all ages swarming around each classroom door and table in the hallway that represents a single club. With all the activity going on he couldn't help but feel a little envious.

'Why hasn't anyone asked me to join anything.' He wondered. He thought back to Maru and Gai but he really didn't think that he needed to demonstrate his skills just to get into a club. Their were people all about him that didn't seem to have any talent but were being scooped up by clubs almost on sight.

He was so preoccupied in his thoughts that he almost didn't catch someone asking him a question until she repeated it. Turning around he found it to be a young girl with bright pink hair, a bright pink face and a bright pink uniform representing middle school level if his previous reading of the now useless school map was any indication.

"Excuse me?" He asked seeing if the girl was talking to him.

The girl squirmed a little under his eyes. Looking in every possible direction but his. "I , um, ask if. If you would li-Like to join the science club please!" She finished with a touch of hope in her voice.

"Seriously!" He said.

"Um Yes." She said nervously.

He scratched his chin a little and thought about it. His mom did want him to try new things and he had a feeling this girl would shrivel up in a corner somewhere if he said no.

Speaking of the girl he seriously began to wonder what the hell they put in the water around here. Bright pink hair to go with a bright pink top. Glasses covering pink tinted eyes. Of course what really made him think of something in the water rested on her chest. He made an expert appearance that his eyes never left her face because he didn't want to seem like he was looking even though his looks was nothing more than surprise. From what he could tell this girl was only about 12 or 13if the middle school uniform was a clue. Yet the protrusions on her chest were way bigger than even Ranma's were when cold water was applied. At least a little more than 30cm bigger making then compete with the size of their bearers head. Not to mention on a girl this size they only seemed to be even bigger than they really were. Which given their actual size didn't help much.

Sadly despite his best efforts he could still see that the girl had went from tinged pink to beetroot red as soon as his he took the fraction of a glance at her chest. As quickly as she could she squivled on her foot in the direction Ranma was facing to talk to her and ran off. Rather clumsily considering she was most certainly not built for running.

'Poor kid.' Thought the completely un- perverted boy as he saw her stumble several times before rounding a corner. Who unlike most males when confronted with the more than generously proportioned girls who inhabited this school actually felt sorry for the small girl with the huge chest.

Shaking his head a little to clear thoughts of giant boobs he made his way up the nearest flight of stares. Idly noting that several kids around kindergarten age were rushing up past him. Reaching the top of the stares he saw that the kids were now hanging off of a large bear with a bow tie and a felt blush on its cheeks handing out balloons. Completely unhindered by the numerous children that were hanging of if it. Turning to face him with its wide and goofy smile it plucked a balloon ties with a bow from its hand and gave it to him. Leaving no room for protest as it quickly turned back to its young charges.

Finding no reason to complain the boy just handed his balloon to a particularly adorable child that had watched the only red balloon in the lot exchange hands moments ago with big eyes. The little boy cracked that smile that all kids have that make even the coldest hearted people go 'awww' as he raced back over to the bear.

"Using a bear to draw kids for the theater club." He said turning round to continue his quest for the not so mysterious wallet owner. "Not a bad idea." He mused. His thoughts were suddenly interrupted as they usually are prone to for an anime character as he felt something large and heavy settle on his back. He was about to tell whatever kid had decided to limb over him to get off when he then felt multiple pinpricks poke into the soft tissue wrapped around his skull. He turned as best he could given the circumstance and went slightly pale from shock.

That cute big bear with the felt blush and large ribbon around it's neck that moments ago had been handing out balloons was TRYING TO FREAKING EAT HIM!!

Ordinarily he wasn't easily frightened. Hell he faced off against many a real wild animal on the road since before he was in double digits The difference between those animals and the one clamped to his head was that non of those animals had ever actually managed to rap their jaws around his head and bite down. Faced with such a sudden circumstance even the most seasoned and un shakable martial artist would do what Ranma did that day.

"AAAAGGGHHHH!! GET IT OFF!" He shouted as he sped down the corridor with enough force to drag anything and anyone not nailed down along with him. After a few more seconds of running he heard a pop as the pressure on his head noticeably lessened. He screeched to a halt and reached up to find the slight pressure he still felt. Bringing down what could be described as a pair of bears false teeth. Okay now this day was seriously getting weird. If it wasn't encounters of the big breasted kind it was false bears with false teeth. What's next...

...No seriously whats next. I haven't read that far in the manga. Just a moment.

...

...

...

...

...

Okay I'm done.

Minutes later Ranma was sitting outside the 'first aid' club getting treated for the bites the larger incisors on the falsy's left him with. After a pat on the back he made a break for the exit hoping not to crash into anyone on his way. Unfortunately a sullen and paranoid expression seemed to attract the attention of those who would feel it their duty to cheer him up.

A teacup on a plate was suddenly thrust under his nose.

"Here you go." Said a feminine voice. The boy groaned and prepared for another big bosomed girl only to internally sigh in relief as he saw it was not what he was used to today. Not that the girl wasn't unusual in her own way.

She was most certainly Chinese. Though the long blond hair done up in the giant dumplings reminded him of the unfortunate run in with the other Chinese girls with strange hair. They were held in place by large baubles like

every other girl he had seen today but what really drew his eyes was the two enormous red earrings she wore with the grinning demon faces. Her eyes were close so he couldn't get a good look at her eye color but he was sure that she was looking at him with sight unhindered. Her dress which for the first time today was NOT ready to burst at the seams was traditionally Chinese in pattern except for the large bow around her neck.

Of course that didn't stop him from noticing that her dress was a tad short. As in her panties were showing even though she was standing straight. She wasn't even pretending to hide them if the guys behind her wear crashing into each other were any indication.

'Well it does smell good' He thought taking the cup. A subtle taste of mint and jasmine washed down his throat and hit his stomach. Filling him with a pleasant sensation as the tension of today began to slip away.

"Thanks I needed that." He said in an usually relaxed voice. The girls smile grew wider and bowed a little at the compliment. Causing the recovering boys behind her to collapse clutching their noses.

"Thank you. My name is Grace lin" She said politely.

"Ranma Saotome." He shot back.

"So have you already joined our club?" She asked.

"Huh? Oh no sorry. I'm actually looking for the owner of this wallet." He said as he reached for the offending item in his pocket.

Their was a flash of steel and a blur of motion. A knife was buried halfway into the wall a few inches away from were his head was. His left hand was occupied by a wrist holding a long knife. A wrist who's currant owner looked like he jumped right off the screen of a bad vampire movie. Long blond hair, dashingly handsome. Long black cloak and fierce expression etched on his face.

There was another flash as he brought up a second dagger aimed at Ranma's face. The boy was forced to drop the cup to catch the knife between his fingers.

"Hey man what's your problem. I was just gonna ask her about a wallet I found."

"LIES! You were reaching for a weapon I know it. I won't let anyone warm Grace-sama." The man said as a small knife shot out of his knee like a switchblade as he cocked it back.

"Ron." Came a rather displeased voice.

The man paused in mid strike to face a rather upset looking Lin.

"You made him spill the tea I made." She said as she pointed at the broken cup.

Quicker than he attacked he withdrew and was almost instantaneously in front of the Chinese girl bowing and scrapping for forgiveness.

'It's official. Everyones insane.' He thought bitterly as he made pace to leave the building as he heard Grace complain about how if he was hurt then she'd have to clean up the mess after Roy killed him.

The smell of outside had never been so sweet as he stretched to try and relieve himself of all the rapidly built up tension.

Wait a minute.

He looked right. He looked left.

Where was everyone. A school with over 50,000 students can't just suddenly be empty outside. Then again with his luck the chances are he's about to have a very annoying thing happen to his.

"Hey Ranma." Someone called out. He saw Gai and Maru run up to him."What you still doing here It's lunch. The entire schools on the upper levels.

"The entire school." He said incredulously. "I find it hard to believe that the entire of this school could just suddenly drop what their doing just to go for lunch."

"Hey sorry but the author is having a really hard time thinking up filler with as little of the manga being translated at the moment." Said Maru.

"Huh?" Said Ranma.

"I said the Sushi's really good with all the fish around here." He repeated.

Shaking his head a little. He raised his hands in a sign of surrender "Alright, alright. I'll meet ya up their soon as I find that Chiharu girl an giver her back her wallet.

The two boys looked at each other before making a dash for the wallet.

"Chiharu's wallet!!"

"She might reward the guy who gives it back."

**CLONG**

Two flying idiots of their way to the top Courtasay of Ranma airlines.

He looked around. Quickly moving from side to side. Back to back. Scanning every single place in his vision with the eyes of a hawk until he was sure nobody was about.

He sighed in relief and started to move in the direction of the nearest stairway to the next level.

He was kneed in the back of the head.

He feel face first into the dirt. Idly lying their and drumming his fingers for a moment in extreme annoyance.

"What. Is their a bullseye on my back. Am I some sort of universal punching bag. Someone tell me because I'd really like to know."

"Sorry. That was my fault." Was his reply.

He sat back up to examine the girl in front of him.

'Strange hair color. Really tail. Giant breasts. Yeah that's pretty much how my day is going. So what is she gonna eat me, kill me or run away from me.' He thought in nothing but the most bitter of voices.

Standing back up he made his way over to the girl who was still lying chest fir in the ground with her t-shirt lifted up showing a frilly bra clad cheest. Which was strange because she was dressed in gym cloths and he distinctly remembered that in cases of gym that you usually wore a sports bra. Ah well no point in saying anything, with the way today's been going I really don't care anymore

He walked over extending a hand to the girl "You alright?" He said

The girl in question tried to stand up but feel back down to the ground rubbing her left leg timidly.

"I think I twisted my ankle." She said in a pained voice.

Internally Ranma groaned but realized he really didn't have much of a choice. Crouching down with a sweeping motion and oddly enough not so much as a squeak of protest he put her on his back.

"Come on I'll take you to the first aid club inside." He said

"NO. I mean no I really just wanna get back to my club." She said meekly.

"Look your leg is hurt soo..." He began but she just moaned pathetically and he crumbled like a house of cards.

"Okay." He said in a tired voice. "Tell me where it is."

* * *

The boy who could become a girl was feeling rather uncomfortable. He was carrying around a girl who was significantly larger than him for one but he could already lift many times his own weight but that was not the problem.

The problem was that this girl on his back was leading his down an alleyway while deliberately seeming to press her assets into his back and wiggle the her backside against the hands that were currently holding her in place.

"So..." He began. "Where is this club house of yours anyway?"

The girl just smiled and wiggled a bit more causing him discomfort to no end.

"Oh it's at the end of this alleyway Ranma."

"Kay."

It wasn't until he got to the end of the empty alley that he realised sopmething might be wrong.

"Hey wait I never told you my name."

The girls innocent expression switched to that of a tiger stalking pray. In an instant she was holding him off the ground. Her breasts pressed into either side of his head as he bound his arms with more strength than a certain Hibiki kid had once.

"KYOUKO NOW!!" She shouted.

Ranma gaped in horror as the wall in front of him burst open and a giant metal...'thing' came out thought It was vaguely humanoid except for the little girl where it's head should be and the name 'Gustav Zwei' imprinted on it in a fancy header.

"Hold still." The girl said in a voice that betrayed her age as the robot cocked its fist forward in a punching motion.

Unable to move under the combined force of the amazonian girls strength, the machines speed of attack, not to mention the sheer weird out factor generated by the attack (5) he wasn't able to do more than struggle for freedom against the fleshy sand trap as a giant fist clouded his vision and everything faded to black. But just before the last light faded he heard the purple haired girl call out.

"Welcome to the Eiken club."

* * *

End chapter two

* * *

I've decided to also make a crossover with hankayou maid team. It will be different in certain places but certain key characters and such will be their. In case you didn't notice that head security maid was also head of security in the original maid team.

Don' worry it will not be nearly as prominent or frequent as is seems at the start. The main crossover will still be with Eiken. But theirs nothing wrong with adding a little spice to the dish is their?

I'm not joking

Because no matter how you start of it always descends into an argument about you

Their like the managers friends out of 'Love Hina'. Everyone wants to know their name even though thier hardly ever in the story

Got it off the Eiken homepage. I also made her a year older for story purposes


	3. Chapter 3

Ranma ½ : Welcome to the club

Chapter 3

* * *

"He won't wake up for a while." Said a voice.

"Lets get him to the clubhouse." Said another.

Despite being significantly more resistant to damage than your average teenager, Ranma still felt like he had been hit by a sledgehammer the size of a Humvee. Every part of his body ached and his head felt like someone was jabbing his brain with a hot poker.

He was only barely aware of the feeling of being carried by something cold and metallic before that was replaced by a feeling of something soft.

"Mm mm." He moaned. The feeling in his brain was no better, even with the warm washcloth on his......washcloth?

"He's waking up." He heard yet another voice call out.

'Waking up? Did I really pass out?' He just thought that he'd been dazed. He must have gotten hit harder than he realized because as far as he could remember the last time that had happened his pop had thrown him off a cliff to increase endurance, then started throwing rocks down after him.

He slowly opened his eyes. Letting the world come back into focus.

The world looked an awful lot like Chiharu Shinonome.

The haze of sleep vanished when he realized that the girl he'd been running all over the school looking for was standing over him.

He moaned as most people did in protest to waking before sitting up in the bed he found himself in.

"Chiharu?" He said. "*Nnn* Where the heck am I?" He held his head as it was still throbbing like his brain and heart had switched places.

Chiharu put on her best comforting smile. "This is the Eiken clubhouse."

'Eiken? That club that those two pervs were talking about?'

"How'd I get here?"

Chiharu blushed slightly and looked away in embarrassment.

If Ranma had a libido right now he would have considered it 'cute.'

"Kirika and Kyoko brought you in after Kirika's.....'forced' initiation tactic." Her blush intensified.

'Kiriki? Wait does she mean.........!!!"

Memories started flooding back. Memories of a purple haired giant holding him between two gargantuan breasts while a massive metal fist collided with him.

He vaguely remembered the robot attached to the fist picking him up and carrying him somewhere but that he must have past out soon after he touched the bed.

"That's right. I was kidnapped by that mech and the amazon." The pigtailed boy said.

"Who are you calling an amazon?" A strong female voice rang out behind Chiharu.

Ranma looked past the redhead to see his would be kidnapper.

The girl was completely different from what he'd seen earlier. Okay obviously she was still the tallest girl he'd ever seen at 6 foot something, she still had long purple hair and impressive 'attributes', but where once he'd seen an injured and helpless girl in need of help stood a strong and confidently grinning woman who looked like a cat who'd been given the keys to a dairy.

She wasn't alone either. Standing next to her was the blond waitress with the knife wielding bodyguard. The pinkette with the premature and overactive hormones and a small blue haired girl in....a giant robot?! You mean that really happened?!

"Wait. If your all here then.....you were all scouting me out for this club." It wasn't a question, he already knew the answer.

They on the other hand.

"Did I?"

"Uh....?"

"Rrrr?"

"Kuma says she doesn't remember you." Said the blond.

***WHAM*** Ranma and the floor became one.

***Grumble*** "How could they forget me. It's not like I don't stand out." He moaned.

"Who cares!" Said Kirika, towering over him prone on the floor, her boobs blocking out the light. "You've joined the Eiken club so they'll get to know you soon enough?"

"I what!" He shouted. He looked over to the other girls, only to find the pink haired one shying away from his look, he reached the conclusion that.

"You all planned for me to be kidnapped didn't you!" He said with an edge in his voice. Making the smaller girl and bear back away just a step.

"Kirika just continued grinning. "Don't get angry, were a team after all."

"Couldn't you have just asked me!" The pig tailed fighter shouted.

"Well.............Mmmm?" She scratched her head for a moment. Her expression was one of deep thought. She turned up to the seemingly little girl in the robot. "Hey Kyoko why didn't we ask him?"

"Probably because you've never asked any of us before you made us join." The bluenette said with a hint of bitterness.

"What? What about you? I definitely remember asking you."

Kyoko's face soured. "I said no but then you just picked me up in between your breasts and carried me here."

"Oh yeah." The club leader said without a hint of remorse.

"You tied me up and dragged me." Said the pink girl.

"Rrrrr, rraagh ragh rrar ra." Added Kuma. Crossing it's arms.

"You just walked up to me on my first day and told me I was a member of your club so I just assumed it was mandatory, like class." The blond in the china dress said while smiling.

"Mm mm." Kirika looked to be thinking for a moment before turning back to the group. "You don't have a problem with the club though right?"

"No/ Rrr." They said in unison.

"Well I do!" Growled Ranma. "I never said I'd join."

"Sure you did." Said Kirika who out of nowhere pulled out a large white board and pushing the boy down on a conveniently placed seat.

The projector took a second to power up before the video was displayed.

The Saotome heir paled. 'How long was I out?"

With all the style of a cheesy American game show the words 'RANMA SAOTOME JOINS THE EIKEN CLUB' strobed on the screen enough to male the 'Pokemon incident' look tame.

The message faded away before the video faded in. It showed Kirika on screen waving a piece of paper about while Chiharu who was slightly less giddy pleaded with her club leader not to do whatever she was planning while futily holding onto the older girls leg.

"Please. This is wrong." Chiharu protested in vain to the girl blatantly ignoring her.

"Here." She said slapping the paper down in front of the camera.

"I'M SO HAPPY!"

Ranma couldn't help but gape like a fish at the projection as a scratchy computer voice pretended to be him while Kyoko in her robot held him up by his arms like an amateur puppeteer.

The bad imitation of his voice continued to praise the Eiken club as an ink brush was limply placed in his hand and his arm was pulled across the paper leaving behind an inky trail.

"No way." The pig tailed boy said. They couldn't have.

"See. Overwhelming proof." Kirika whipped out the contract from her usual hiding place.

Ranma stared wide eyed with disbelief at the paper. It had happened again, Waving in front of his face tauntingly like a matadors cape was another stupid contract that he never really signed that people still expect him to uphold whether he knew about it or not. The only difference was that this time there wasn't some fat idiot giving him 'his' butchered version of it. It read exactly as Kirika was telling him.

* * *

Speaking of fat idiots.

* * *

'The master naked on a cold night, the master naked on a cold night, the master na....'

Genma was hiding again. Not from the police mind you, but from the greatest enemy a man could face.

Pervert hunting women.

It was insane! He'd had one little thought about his wife and now he had women ranging from middle school to senior citizens baying for his blood along with the T.P.D and about two dozen heavily armed bounty hunters.

He'd never seen a man big enough to swing about a Vulcan cannon like a pistol, nor had he ever seen a man like that cower away from a four foot noting girl in a fuku when she started growling but he was sure it wasn't good.

The cops and hunters were easy enough to avoid with the umisenken, but the least bit perverted thought about his wife and the women honed in on him like he did a free meal.

Thankfully he'd lost quite a few of the homicidal repressed and prudish... (why else would they attack so viscously) ....women in the course of the chase they they swarmed other guy's in the street, attacking like angry beasts leaving bruised mass's with abused groins in their wake.

Genma guessed that running from his 'punishment' only made them angrier.

Although why he deserved to be mutilated for thinking about his wife was anyones guess.

He crossed the rooftops with speed and agility that betrayed his girth. The ten story minimum fall he risked was something he'd rather face than his fate on the street below. With his mantra in mind he ensured that he was invisible to their 'denpatanshiki chikan'....in fact chance are he wouldn't be thinking about anything sexual for 'another' ten years.

Down on the street the women began to disperse, disappointed looks a plenty. A young girl absently mindedly and quite viscously kicked the rib's of a pervert they'd taken down in pursuit of Genma. The young man's only crime was that like the overweight martial artist he'd been thinking about his wife.

About a minute after the women had left a large black van stalked out of a shadowy alley. The doors opened and out stepped two paramedics. They quickly ;lifted the mass of bruises that was once a man and carefully loaded him onto the gurney in the back before signaling the driver to head to the nearest hospital. Careful not to let any of the women realize that they were helping a 'pervert' (1)

* * *

"No way." Said the boy as he headed for the clubhouse door.

"And where do you think your going? You signed a contract remember?" Said the purple haired amazon with a tone of authority.

Ranma looked over his shoulder to glare at the girl. "The hell I did! They re ain't nobody who'd believe that line ya made me paint was my mark!"

"True." Said Kyoko from atop her mech Gustav. "Fortunately we also have the video for proof. A little editing on my part and I could make you do anything I wish and no one would be the wiser."

"I knew I got you to join for a reason." Said Kirika proudly to the small girl.

"NO!" Came an outraged female voice. The club turned to see Chiharu, her face flushed with anger.

"This is wrong. You can't just force him to join when he was unconscious. It's not right!"

This for Ranma was...unusual to say the least. He was so used to people strong arming him it was actually kind of nice to see someone who stood up for him like this.

Kirika on the other hand just looked at the redhead for a second before speaking. "Why are you so against him joining Chiharu?"

The strong and indignant look on the girls face vanished in an instant and was replaced by muted horror.

"N-nothing. I-it's just w-wrong." Chiharu said while trying to look as invisible as possible.

Kirika grinned. "Oh? Are you sure it's not because..."

"NO!"

"...HE'S THE FIRST MAN TO TOUCH YOUR BREASTS!"

"...."

"...."

"....that's dirty." Said Komoe.

***Blush***

Embarrassment flared up on The full time and sometimes redheads faces like their blood was boiling as the mammo...I mean Memory of their first meeting was brought up.

Now Ranma was used to embarrassment. He had to be with a father like his after all. However this kind of humiliation was a whole new kind that he had never experienced.

For once it was actually caused by him and not Genma.

The two turned away from each other. Stuttering like a certain cartoon pig.

"It w-was an acci-cident he didn't mean it, I'm the one who r-ran into him." Stuttered Chiharu.

"Yeah!." Confirmed Ranma.

"Really?" Kyoko said in a 'yeah right' tone. "The big bad martial arts expert slipped?"

Ranma whirled on the blue midget. (2)

"How did..." He was cut of by a suspicion edged voice behind him.

"Martial artist?"

Ranma sweated a little.

Kyoko continued. "Our Mr Saotome here is the heir to the 'anything goes' school of martial arts. In fact he's just returned from a ten year long training trip with his father. The chances of him colliding with you are about as lily as a normal being tripped up by nothing."

Much to Ranmas displeasure Chiharu's eyes began to narrow slightly, the seed of doubt had been planted and the Eiken club was just the place for it to grow.

"I'm telling you it was an accident!" Ranma said a little 'too' defensively. "How the hell did you find out anyway?"

"The whole school knows!" The amazon said simply. "You really think 'no one' would notice you jumping 20 feet into the air this morning? Some had they're eyes on you well before you 'met' Chiharu. A little digging and we hit paydirt."

Ranma and Chiharu once more went atomic, Ranma more so when the club leader bent down to envelope him in an all too friendly hug from behind. Pushing his head forward.

"Did you like the feel of her 88cm's?" She leaned over just a tad more, pressing her impressive lungs harder into his back, in a rather strange turn of character she spoke to him in a soft whisper. "Mine are 99cm."

Ranma wasn't one for math but from the size of the things on his shoulders he was guessing that meant they weren't exactly small.

He pulled away from the giant woman. A task that took more strength and skill than one would think since she was stronger than she looked. When she already looked strong to begin with.

He turned to the redhead who looked like she wanted to curl up in a corner somewhere.

"Chiharu please..." The pigtailed boy said slowly. This sort of situation required a degree of tact and diplomacy.

Something that he had less of than Kirika had modesty.

Fortunately were spared his somewhat sad attempt to justify himself when a nearby window slid open revealing two easily forgettable faces appeared.

"Hey Ranma we heard the news." Said the fat one.

Ranma stared at the two looking through the window. Squinting a little like he'd seen something that reminded him of a distant memory.

"Uh...hey." He said in a friendly manner. Trying to hide his forgetfulness. "Your..."

"Shimada." Said the heavyset one.

"And I'm Todoroki. We met this morning remember." Said the tall one in the basketball jersey.

Ranma stared at them for a moment before recognition sparked in his eyes.

"Oh yeah." He said. "Wait didn't you say your names were..."

"NO!!!" The two exclaimed loudly before calming themselves.

"So he heard you joined a club. I thought you said you weren't into clubs." Said Shimada in a mock hurt tone.

"I wasn't. He tried to force me." Said Ranma, glaring at his giant and mini sized kidnappers whose only response was a giddy smirk from the aforementioned giant.

"Forced?A club can't force you to join. The only one that even tries to to do that is....." Realization struck the two minor characters like a freight train. "Dude! You joined the Eiken club!!!"

Ranma gave of a series of sputtering noises much to the amusement of most of the club members.

The two boy's gaped, "Aww man, you didn't want to join a club, then you get into the club every guy in school would give their left nut for. " Moaned Todoroki.

"So how did you get their attention." Asked Shimada. Leaning in for any clues to get into Ranma's (and by proxy Chiharu's) club. "Was it cause of that accident you faked?"

"Faked?" Ranma said. Idly glancing over to the red head, (which the two boys had yet to notice) once more had an angry look.

"Yeah, the upperclassmen told us you made it look like an accident so you could touch Chiharus boobs." Said the basketball player.

It was then that Ranma felt an inhuman sense of dread pass over him. The kind that only came form one source.

He turned to face Chiharu, visibly paling when he saw her eye's full of something that renders even the mightiest of men to whimpering puppies.

'Right out feminine fury!'

"Chiharu I..."

***Smack***

It was the hardest blow he'd ever taken in his life. It didn't send him flying into a wall, it didn't make him cough up blood or knock out any teeth.

What it did was give him a red outline of a delicate hand on his left cheek and sent a girl running out of the club house with tears in he eyes.

That to a guy like Ranma was worse than any injury.

Having no time to punish the two stooges for their big mouths the pigtailed fighter raced after the girl he had inadvertently upset.

As the martial artist speed out the door the two let out a breath of relief.

"You know for a second I was sure he was gonna hit us aga..."

***WHAM***

Two idiots dripped to the pavement courtesy of Gustav's fist's. Kyoko looked down on them with minimal interest.

"You two talk to much."

* * *

It came as quite a surprise to the boy that the upset girl he was chasing was able to keep an impressive distance between the two of them.

He thought that they're might have been another reason the clubs tried to get her to join....well besides the obvious one.

"Chiharu wait!" He called out to the girl. She didn't turn back and just kept running.

'At this rate I'll never catch up.' He thought. He still hadn't completely recovered from the monstrous blow to the head, he'd already tripped a few times during the run.

He could have easily caught her if he used a tiny amount of Ki, sadly Genma hadn't yet gotten into great detail about that branch of the art before he went on the run. At best Ranma could channel a little to his muscles to make himself stronger but that was strictly last moment stuff since it would completely wear him out afterwards.

His best bet was to wait for her to tire and stop running.

After all no matter how athletic she was, no one could hope to outlast a guy who ran flat out for three days straight through the Chinese wilderness after that unpleasantness with the locals.

His bet paid off sooner than he thought. She must have been used to sprinting and not long distance she stopped near one of the schools ocean viewpoints after only a handful of minutes. He wasn't even breathing hard.

"Chiharu please listen." He said gently.

She still turned away from him.

'Geez I ain't no good at this.' He reached into his pocket and pulled out the purse.

"I was trying to find you before Kirika kidnapped me." He showed her the purse. "You dropped this earlier when you ran into me. I 'swear' that was an accident and I'm sorry for doing it!" He bent over in a low bow to emphasis his sincerity, he'd had enough practice apologizing with his fathers antics.

He stared at the ground for a while longer before he heard a soft reply.

"Thank you."

He felt the wallet being taken from his outstretched hands. He looked up to see Chiharu pressing the purse to her chest like it was a teddy bear.

"I thought I'd never see it again. I've had it since I was little."

Feeling he was safe for now Ranma looked up, and gasped.

Now Ranma had grown up on the road with little to no female contact, with all of that little contact involving righteous fury because of certain circumstances. Throughout the day he had been bombarded by girl's any other guy would have considered themselves lucky just to have seen, for other underdeveloped hero however he saw girls that were crazy, dominating and weird, never thinking of their outward appearance much.

Until right now.

He didn't know it but Ranma had just had his first official 'girl thought'. A school of thought exclusive to most guy's and some girls and the male equivalent to a womans 'guy thoughts'. This line of thinking is were the opposite gender becomes more than just a girl or just a boy. The start of this line of thought is also commonly the signal for the start of puberty and the awakening of the libido.

It may have been years later than it should have been but Ranma had finally entered this line of thinking, because this was the first time he'd ever truly considered a girl to be 'cute'.

"Hey Ranma!" Called out an agonizingly familiar voice.

Ranma spun in his heel, narrowly avoiding a flying mass of purple and yellow which continued zooming forward and crashing into Chiharu.

Ranma was both relieved that it wasn't him, but also a little confused, since his libido had only just awakened he wasn't sure of what to make about the site in front of him.

Kirika landed on top of Chiharu showing both the Redheads underwear and the purple haired girls 'lack' of underwear to the world (3). The club leader was also holding the smaller girls mammary's like they were about to fall off.

Ranma started pulling his pigtail in embarrassment while the other club members looked at the two on the ground with various expressions.

"S-sorry girl's." He started babbling like an idiot. "I just reacted to Kirika sneaking up and..."

***Puff Puff*** (4)

"Wow these are soft!"

The rest of the club sweat dropped a little as their giant of a leader blatantly fondled Chiharu's bosom much to the girl's humiliation.

Ranma's too apparently if the way he couldn't seem to do much but watch was any indication. It took him a second to gather himself to stop this.

"Kirika!" He yelled.

The girl looked up from her prone position with a fox grin.

"Oh? You wanna feel Ranma?"

***Puff***

He blushed and looked away. Giving her a stammered "N-no."

Kirika gave a hearty laugh and climbed of the girl, whose face now matched her hair.

"So."

The girls all turn to him.

"What does the club do anyway?"

***Smack***

That was a 'gentle' pat on the back, Ranma grit his teeth.

"I knew you'd come around soon enough." She took an air of arrogance. "Not that I'd have let you leave anyway."

"What!" Yelped the boy. "I never said I'd join!"

"Kyoko?"

"Got it all right here." Said the small scientist. Patting her riding robot. Gustav recorded his speech pattern's perfectly. A little work on my part and we can make you say anything we want."

"But, but, but that can't be legal!"

"Neither's breaking a legal document. Which we have video of you signing, and now we have a 'spoken' agreement. You'll be lucky if your just expelled for such a matter, it's all covered in the contract anyway if you'd like to read it this time."

He groaned and grabbed his head in frustration.

"This can't be happening! Not again!"

Chiharu closed her eyes and smiled nervously. "That's how they got me to join as well." She said while sweat dropping.

"AGH!"

* * *

Much later that day our pigtailed hero barely managed to crawl into his room. More exhausted than he thought he could be without training.

First after finally being 'allowed' to leave the Eiken clubs company he went to find his class's for the next day, which in itself was a task given the enormous size of the school. Then being driven home again without being seen stepping into a limo (he had a feeling that finding out he was rich would just raise more problems with him from his club). Then of course he was pestered by his mom, Bombarding him with with more questions than final exams.

He bluntly refused to answer any questions about what clubs he joined, since she apparently sent him a day earlier on purpose so he'd do just that. He refused to start her off once she found he was in a club with all girls.

He pulled of his pants and shirt leaving him in his boxers before dragging himself under the covers, the exhaustion catching up with him he fell asleep the second his head touched the pillow.

Shadows slipped through the darkness of the Saotome mansion. Making not even a creek of the floorboards or a whoosh of wind as they moved almost like lightning towards their destination.

It only took minutes to guide themselves though the labyrinth like house before finding the room they were seeking.

The shadows glanced over to each over for a second before slipping into the room. Both opening and closing the door without so much as a 'click' of the locks.

* * *

End chapter 3

* * *

I know I sound like I'm overdoing the whole 'women are anti pervert' thing. But it's just that I find that in a lot of anime that girl's are so against perverts that they will attack any guy who even looks at a girl the wrong way. Like Louise from 'Familiar of zero' does when Saito as much as thinks about other girls.

I'm a red dwarf fan

She doesn't wear underwear in the manga. I'm not kidding.

Remember 'Dragon quest: Journey of the cursed king?' I got the idea from that 'special room' in the game.


	4. Chapter 4

Ranma ½ : Welcome to the club

* * *

Disclaimer: Same as the previous chapters

Chapter 4: Meet the Eiken club (part 1)

* * *

"HIYAH!"

With a sound like the crack of a whip his opponent lashed out with a ferocious punch aimed at his jaw. Ranma barely managed to tilt his head to dodge before he was swept of his feet and belted between the eyes as he fell, knocking him a good twenty feet away, out of the arena and into the stadium wall.

"Ranma, ranma, ranma, ranma." The crowd of thousands chanted. Countless voices matching in a harmony that would make the borg jealous.

The hole which the boy had entered exploded outwards as the boy shot out like a cannonball. His foot aimed like an arrow right before it connected with his opponents face. Not letting the guy have a breath he latched onto his shoulder and drove his head into the mat before bringing his knee into his solar plexus, creating a massive booming sound from the sheer force of the earth beneath the mat being shattered.

He stood up shakily, he was battered but he had never felt so good.

"The winner by a knockout, RANMA SAOTOME!!!"

"Ranma, ranma, ranma...." The crowd cheered again.

As he was soaking in applause his downed opponent managed to pull his head off the floor, completely ignoring the fact that about four pints of his blood soaked the mat. He sighed in defeat before grinning and extending his hand towards the victor.

"Good match today Saotome."

Ranma grinned right back "Thanks, you were in great form to. You almost beat me."

"Beat the great Ranma Saotome!? No way."

Ranma just laughed.

"Well, good luck with your next match, later Ranma."

"You too Bruce." He called after the legendary martial artist before he vanished from sight.

The announcer, a man in a green spandex costume held his mike up

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN AND THOSE THINGS IN THE BACK THAT LOOK LIKE BALLOON RABBITS MADE OF HOTDOGS!!! ARE YOU READY FOR THE SECOND MOST YOUTHFULL MATCH!!!"

The stadium quaked from the cheering.

"THEN LETS GET READY FOR THE NEXT COMPETITORS!!!"

Ranma hopped back onto the mat and moved into a horse stance, his eyes firmly on the challengers entrance.

"NOW LETS INRODUCE OUR NEXT CHALLENGER!!!

Ranma tensed as the door opened.

"THE MIGHTY....!!!"

His fists clenched when the sound of fast paced running echoed from the corridor.

"...THE UNDEFEATED...!!!"

It was almost here.

"...THE SQUISHY...!!!"

It was.....wait, what did that freak say?

With no time to react several shapes shot out of the challenger entrance, stopping high in above the air before descending.

"...MARSHMALLOW TRIO!!!"

There was no time to dodge as the 10 foot tall fat human-esque monsters made of pink marshmallows were upon him.

He struggled as hard as he could but to no avail, his first strike against one of the beasts proved to be his last as he couldn't pull himself out.

"Ranma, ranma, ranma!" The crowd cheered.

He was surrounded on all sides, the creatures pressing into him, suffocating him.

"Ranma, ranma, ranma!"

It was hopeless, he was drowning in softness!

No it could 'not' end like this. He was Ranma! He had taken on Bruce lee not five minutes ago, he had trounced Hanzo Hattori and totaled Lu Bu with his eyes closed. He will not be beaten by a big pink, squishy, Gooey, delicious........Mmmm should have thought of that sooner.

He opened his mouth just as the marshmallow swallowed his head.

He bared his teeth and.....

"Ranma, ranma, ranmAGH!"

* * *

Ranma's eyes flew open as he found himself flung out of his head.

He groaned a little at the sensation he was feeling from when his rear met the hardwood floor before looking up at his bed.

It was a girl.....well actually it was three girls who all looked the same, they all had long brown hair down to the small of their back, each had the same brown eyes that contrasted with their flawless pale skin. If he knew the right words he'd say that they were each wearing black teddy's that nicely displayed their figures. Of course being Ranma he just called it skimpy underwear. Two were crowded around the third in the middle of the bed who was rubbing her chest with a slightly pained look.

"Uh, who are you and what are you doing in my bed?"

The three turned to him, looks of concern and pain vanished in an instant and was replaced by looks of joy and....something he wasn't quite comfortable with after Kirika yesterday.

"I'm Lemon." Said the left one.

"I'm Marron." Said the center one.

"And I'm Melon." Said the left one.

"And were yours!" They said in unison before leaping at hi, or more accurately were he would have been if he hadn't moved to feet to the left causing them to land in a heap.

"Look you can't just jump me like that. Your just lucky I dodged on reflex instead of, of, aw crap." He muttered as he saw the girls get up from their prone positions and were giving him the mother of all sad faces.

"M-muh-master Ranma is so, so muh-mean." cried Lemon

This was another reflex.

He was beside the crying girls sides instantly.

"Hey now don't cry. I didn't mean it." He said rushed.

The crocodile tears dried up almost instantly before they pounced once more, this time capturing their pray and pinning him to the floor.

Now he didn't find it totally unpleasant. Heck to most guy's having three girls in their underwear pinning him to the ground while trying to put as much lipstick on his face without a tube as possible was a dream, but for someone like Ranma, who had been ignoring his libido for years then only yesterday forced to deal with girls who made these three look flat (1), lets say he had significantly more control of himself than most right now.

He managed to raise himself of the floor. The girls followed, refusing to stop their campaign against any un-kissed parts of his face until the difference in height forced them away from his face much to their displeasure so they had to settle for hanging of his arms. Which they adamantly refused to be removed from.

"Look girls, don't take this the wrong way or anything but I really need to get ready for school so."

That seemed to dislodge them.

"I'll draw his bath." Said Melon before running to the bathroom.

"I'll get his cloths out." Said Lemon, turning to the dresser.

"I'll take off his boxers." Said Marron as she lunged for his night shorts.

"LIKE HELL YOU WILL!!!" Her sisters yelled. They each grabbed one of Marron's arms and tossed her back on the bed.

"If anyones doing that it'll be me." Yelped Lemon.

"No me!" Said Melon, tackling her sister to the bed and in the name of all anime tradition started a cliche cat fight.

"ME!!!"

"ME!!!!"

"MMMMMEEEEE!!!!"

"ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!" Came a fourth voice

All other occupants of the room turned to face the voices owner, which caused the three girls who were pulling at each others already delicate and straining clothing to pale

"Yue." Gulped Lemon

"G-good mo-mo-morning." Stuttered Marron.

"We were, you know." Stumbled Melon.

Yue glowered at the three. "I know exactly what you were doing. Now do what your supposed to and GET BACK TO WORK!!!"

The bath was drawn, his cloths were laid out and they were gone faster than he could blink.

".........should I ask yet or.."

"Just get in the bath." She cut in.

"Okay then." He said and without question went for a bath. Eager to push the last several minutes out of his mind.

* * *

They're was an eerie silence during breakfast. His mother quietly spooned the scrambled eggs she had made into her mouth while Ranma do make an unusual change was stabbing at his food. Too confused to really pay attention to his food.

"Hey mom..." He probed.

"I take it you found the girls from the health department in your bed this morning." She said while sipping some morning coffee.

"Uh, yeah." He said, not all that surprised at how casually his mother talked abut the triplets.

"Well it's not all that surprising. Well actually I'm a 'little' surprised they even remembered to put on the underwear."

Ranma just stared at his mother. She saw the looked and made an 'o' gesture before putting down her cup.

"Oh, Sorry, I forgot you wouldn't know about the servants all that well yet." She said. "You see son not all jobs in the house involve such simple things like cooking and cleaning. I've had them trained and tutored by some of the best minds in the country. We have maids acting as a security force on par with the JSDF. An in house nurse that can do neural surgery in her sleep, even those who are world leading physicists and architects...."

'Okay I know she runs a big company, but I draw the line at the physicists working for the head of a 'toy' company.'

"....Those girls you 'met' are also part of a special group of maids. They make up your health squad, theyre job is to make sure that you stay healthy and in top physical form."

"Oh.....and how does that add up to them being in my bed?" He asked.

"Well you are a very attractive boy Ranma."

"MOM!"

"No shouting at the table!!!" She said with an edge in her voice that sent chills up his spine.

Seeing her son properly chastised she continued. "I fear that this won't be the last time they try something like this Ranma. Even before I showed them your picture those girls have taken it upon themselves to ensure you remain tip top condition, in their own way of course. Whether that means warming you through the night so you don't get a cold, or doing some 'late night katas' as I believe I heard them call it." She said raising her cup to her mouth just as her son lowered his head in embarrassment.

"Can't you get them to stop or something?" He said, trying to keep himself steady with all the blood in his head.

"*sip* Now why would I do that? I said I wouldn't force you to marry anyone Ranma, but I am still a mother who wants to see grand babies after all."

The chair didn't even move as Ranma suddenly disappear from it.

'Mmm, maybe I should have told him about all the other ones too....oh well' She put her hand to her temple.

"Oh my. I feel a touch faint." She said in a distressed tone.

She was surrounded by 'her' health squad instantly.

"Nodoka-sama, Please tell us whats wrong!" One man who looked like he was made of carved granite said in a worried tone.

"Theirs no time man! Can't you see she needs us! Quick run her a bath!" Said another.

"I'll get the herbal tea!"

"I'll get her undressed for the bath!"

"The hell you will!"

"ME!!!!"

"MMMEEEE!!!!!"

She smiled. Although she still wanted her fat, balding and selfish husband, these greek gods who bent to her every whim would have to suffice for now.

…...............I know I could put something funny here but I think thats pretty much a given.

* * *

Too Ranma taking off at almost the crack of dawn to reach the other side of the city want as insurmountable a task as many would believe it to be. He could actually count the times he had ever sleep past 7am without being tossed at something by his old man.

The only problem he was having was of a directional nature. He hadn't been able to get a good look look at the route the limo had taken yesterday since he was too busy taking in the rare comfort of automotive travel. So while he was trudging through what he hoped was central Tokyo in the wee hours he was forced to ask directions.

"Excuse me." He said in a manner far politer than you'd expect from him. "I ned directions to Zashono academy if you please."

"Funny you should ask. Thats where we were heading."

Ranma dared to lower the map, hoping that this wasn't someone he knew from yesterday. Those girls were insane.

***Phew*** He was lucky. He knew that he had definitely not met these girls before. A brunette, a bluenette and a red head in their ugly school uniforms looked back at hi. Eyes not filled with lust, mischief or anger he'd come to expect from the fairer sex as of late but filed with kindness, shyness and perhaps the smallest bit of apprehension at meeting a boy. Not that Ranma saw that.

"I take it your new to the school?"

"Yeah." He said while tugging his pigtail. "I thought I'd leave early so I wouldn't have to take a ride."

The Brunette nodded "Right, it's just lazy to stay in bed past 7:00am." (2)

The bluenette spoke up. "Come on. We were heading to our friends house before we go."

Ranma wasn't exactly the most trusting towards women as of late, but considering he'd known these ones a whole 30 seconds and nothing bad had happened he decided they were ok.

He followed them while they chatted idly amongst themselves. He told them his name and they likewise introduced themselves. The brunette was Kika, the redhead was Luka and the blue haired one was Mika. They mostly just spoke between themselves but still fired the occasional question at him which he tried to answer, unless of course it was about his club or home.

Here is him trying to be evasive.

"So Ranma is this your first day at Zashono?"

"Nah. I started yesterday."

"Oh? That must mean you joined a club."

"Yeah I, Uh I mean....."

"Come on spill. What one was it?" They pressed him.

'Think, think.' "Theeeeejudo...club?" He said nervously.

"Really?" Said Mika. "Because I was recruiting outside the photography club next to the judo club all day yesterday and I never saw you."

"They recruited me outside." He said quickly.

"Mmm, well I guess they could have done that." Mika surmised.

Of course they didn't actually believe him. The stuttering and look on his face made it obvious that he was lying. The boy had no poker face to speak of.

Ranma was enormously thankful when they turned the conversation from him. Although they'd still glance at him every now and again with wary eyes.

Soon the walk led from the busy part of the city to the suburbs. It was peaceful here. Each house was roughly identical with only a coat of paint and maybe a few personnel touches to make them stand out from each other. They stopped in front of one of these seemingly uninteresting house and motioned him to wait just where he couldn't be seen.

"Sorry. But our friends family is a little weird and may react to a new face."

"Its aright. I like to avoid weirdness." Not that he was any good at it.

The girls walked past the gates and up to the door while he twiddled his thumbs.

"Oh hello girls." Called an older female voice. "Are you here to walk my darling daughter to school?"

Yes mrs Shinonome." Mika replied.

'Shinonome? As in....'

"Chiharu! Your friends are here."

"Coming mom!" Replied a familiar not to distant voice.

'You have got to be kidding.' He thought morosely.

"Bye girls." Said Chiharu's mother before closing the door.

"Hey Chiharu guess what. We have a guy walking with us today." Said Kika.

"A guy?" The nerves in Chiharu's voice were practically tangible. She didn't have the best luck with them.

"Don't be such a worrywart. Hes new and just lost." Said Luka before grabbing her busty friend by the shoulders and pulling her round the corner where she told the martial artist to hide.

"Meet..."

"Ranma!"

"Hey Chiharu." He said weakly.

The trio of girls looked between their friend and the boy.

"You two have met?"

Chiharu nodded. "Yeas. He....he joined the Eiken club yesterday."

"..."

"..."

"...Ouch."

Ranma waited for it to come. For the righteous female battle aura to spring forth once they realized he was in an all girl club with their friend and try to pound him into a fine paste, but it never came. Instead he saw the girls look between the Eiken club members with sympathy.

"Kirika strikes again eh." Said the Kika.

"You....? Your okay with this?" Questioned Ranma.

The redhead shrugged. "Sure. I mean it's not like either of you had much of a choice right? Last I heard Kirika was the only one in that club of their of her own free will. Not to mention I heard its impossible to get out of once your in right?"

The looks on their faces was proof enough

"So you really don't have a problem with a guy in a club with a bunch of girl?"

Luka walked up to him and poked the boy in the chest with a fingernail that shes purposely manicured into a razor point. "That depends. Your not a perv are you." A flash of fire passed between her eyes as she said that.

"No, no, no, no definitely not a pervert." I've always respected girls..."

He should have stopped when she backed away. However since it is Ranma....

"And that slip up with Chiharu yesterday was a complete accident."

A red faced red head and three battle auras later Ranma got what he expected.

"THAT WAS YOU!!!"

* * *

Thanks to a quick explanation by Chiharu Ranma was saved a savage beating. Now the only problem was the eyes that bored into the back of his head the rest of the trip, and the side, and the front. They effectivley boxed him in to one side so that he kept his distance from their friend, not to mention the rather unsettling growls they gave of should he even glance at Ms Shinonome.

Fortunately they didn't have any classes together so they at least had time to calm down.

Class itself was surprisingly good. Despite the onset of boredom from having to stay in one place for hours on end he was seeing each problem the teachers set forth as a challenge he had to win just like with martial arts. Of course he wasn't anywhere near his classmates level, what with missing several years in school and all that but at the rate he was going he'd be caught up in relatively no time.

Fortunetly for him it was soon lunch time. Unlike most other schools he was spoiled for choice as the school had at least a hundred different cafeterias to deal with the fifty thousand plus number of students and massive areas for those with boxed lunch's. That was some relief that the area he selected was fairly quiet. He didn't think he could eat very well with people staring at his meal.

Now you might be asking why he was eating his lunch after school and not during the designated lunch period. Well the answer to that is that he already had. He just couldn't finish it.

The bento had no less than 10 layers, each crammed with gourmet cuisine, enough in one layer to feed a person from breakfast till dinner, he'd managed to eat about 5 during lunch before his stomach betrayed his venture into finishing it with the unfamiliar sensation of fullness. He had a feeling that if he didn't finish it all by the time he got home then they're would be some very tear eyed girls waiting for him. After all his mom might be an expert chef but he doubted even she could make something this hard to lug around all by herself.

After consuming about half of his lunch and heading back to class he tried to take in the lecture while battling the sleep inducing meal he'd just eaten. class was let out soon enough and everybody quickly started to pack up and head to their after school clubs.

"Well done today class. "Now remember to study for the exam next week and don't join the Eiken club.

Say what?

"Got it."

"Yes sir."

"We promise."

Okay that was a little freaky.

As he started to head towards the club his ears picked up on a conversation. His eyes confirmed the sound when he saw to elementary schoolers sitting on a slope nearby.

"Hey Tobi?" The girl said shyly. A blush slowly creping across her face.

"Yeah Anzu?" The boy said. His face turning just as red.

"Whatever you do, Don't join the Eiken club!"

'Say what?!'

"You don't have to tell me twice! They're freaky."

Now giggling like kids they're age should the two ran off to play somewhere. Leaving a bewildered martial artist in their wake.

* * *

"Don't join the Eiken club."

"Did you hear about the Eiken club?"

"Weirdos in the Eiken club."

That was what he had heard pretty much the entire time he'd been on his way to said club. He'd never heard to much trash talk in a five minute walk in his life and to be frank it was rather irritating, but mostly it was puzzling. Why did his club have such a bad wrap.

Sure the members were all forced to join, and yeah most of the members were a perverts dream come true, and that amazon Kirika was borderline nuts but.....but......uh. I think we've wandered off the subject.

Though those were good reasons he still had his thoughts as to why the club had such a bad rep. Was it something about the clubs activities? Surely not.

Then again Kirika did change the subject when he asked what the club did. Was she hiding something.

It's not like its a demon cult or anything. Right?

* * *

Elsewhere a pretty girl covered head to toe in band aids sneezed. Dropping a jar of ash's she had been planning to use for a ritual.

* * *

It was after lunch and he was back in class, though now he was far to focused on another matter to bother with the teacher.

"I wonder just what kind of club it is that amazon made me join." He muttered.

"Whose an amazon?" Said a voice from behind him.

He was knocked to the side by a tackle from a flying purple and yellow menace. Kirika, despite being two years his senior had appeared in his class. Naturally everyone else was backing away and trying to look at anything else but the girl, the teacher included. Maybe it was her impressive stature that made them do this, or her reputation with the club. In his opinion he'd have to say it would be because of the unladylike way she was sitting on his desk that did it, but who could really be sure.

"I hate to ask but why are you in the middle of my class? I thought seniors had their classes on the other side of the campus."

She just waved him off. "Never mind that. I'm calling an emergency club meeting so lets go!" Without a second thought she grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and started to drag him off.

"You can't just take me out of the middle of class!"

"Oh? The others didn't seem to mind."

He was about to break free when he heard whispering.

"I heard that guy was the new Eiken club member."

"Heard he was some sort of star athlete."

"Seriously? Man first that babe Chiharu and now the new guy. Whose that crazy chick gonna make join next?"

"Shhh! Kirika might here you."

"Ya know I'm getting pretty tired with all this whispering." He said.

"Ignore it." Replied Kirika in a rare monotone.

The martial artist was able to pull himself free just before he got a good look at the girl. For once she didn't have a 'chesire grin' but an actual, almost...sad look. Did the whispering bother her?

It didn't take long for them to reach the tiny European cottage that they called a clubhouse.

"Shouldn't we get the others? Or are they already here?"

"Just Chiharu." Said the giantess. "Now in you go!" Without warning Kirika firmly put her hand on Ranmas back and pushed.

Ranma would later ponder how it was that his loud and flamboyant club leader was able to get the drop on him without him noticing, but that didn't stop him from pirouetting like Billy Elliot and forcing the girl int the door.

*Bam*

Kirika went chest first through the door.

"Don't speak up on meeeeeeeeeeee."

"AHHHH!!"

He pulled out the downed girl blocking the doorway and slammed it shut.

"Get a good eyeful did you?"

Ran,a looked down still splayed on the ground and gave her the evil eye.

"So that was your plan was it? Have me see Chiharu dressing so you can beat me for being a pervert?"

"Nope." She said in all honesty. "Though it sounds like you know from experience."

"Hardly."

Now that wasn't 'strictly' true. While he did know from experience the interaction between woman and pervert was not a pleasant one. The experience wasn't really his.

If that didn't make any sense, then maybe an annoying and plot non advancing flashback would help.

* * *

**Flashback**

* * *

"Don't need a bath." Said a six year old Ranma stubbornly while his father lifted him and and all but tossed him into the hot spring.

"You should be grateful I'm doing this at all boy. It's a waste of what little money we have but I am not bathing in a river in the middle of winter.

Genma decided against the cheap option foir once. Ordinarily he'd pay no mind if he dunked his son in a freezing pool. However he thought against it this time since the local river had frozen over with a thick layer of ice. Plus the local hot spring while expensive was less so 'and' less liable to get the police involved than a wanted man going to the doctor should the boy get pneumonia

Ranma just huffed and sat back against the rock side of the bath. Eventually letting the pools magic work on him and rid all that pesky stress and anger from him.

Genma was in a similar state of relaxation. This was a rare treat and hell if he wasn't going to enjoy it.

"Hee hee hee."

Uh oh. He knew that laugh. It was the laugh of the all to common......

He looked at the bamboo divide that separates the genders and saw an old man peering through a tiny hole. A crank drill at his feet and a notepad in his hand.

….old pervert.

"Hey." He said just load enough to catch the old mans attention.

The man in question turned around to glare at Genma.

"Do you mind? I'm conducting very delicate research for my book." He said gruffly.

'A book? What kind of perverted........long white hair, wart on his nose, perverted author....'

"Your that guy who writes those 'Icha' books aren't you?"

The man turned back again but this time his eyes were not full of anger. No they held pride.

Genma was 'treated' to the most bizarre introduction he'd ever seen or see. Sort of like Kabuki only without the grace.

"Indeed! I am the Saviour of men throughout the land, the lover of a thousand beautiful women and the great sage that created a book which spreads love and happiness to all those whose eyes grace it! I am the great Jiraiya!"

Genma stared at the clearly deranged old man as he struck a sentai pose. Although he couldn't say he was wrong. He got the first volume as a gag wedding present from Soun. Nodoka found where he hid, read 10 pages into it and 9 months later Ranma was born.

"Well it's a pleasure to meet you sir. Now do you think you could take your peeping elsewhere? I have a son who I'd like to keep innocent to these sort of things a while longer. 'After all it wouldnt do for the boy to be interested in girls until he meets the Tendos.'

"Your joking right? I'm getting research done for my next book. Surely you, one of my fans understand its important?"

Genma's look hardened. "It was my wife who read it you pervert."

The man backed up a step as if slapped. "I'm no pervert......"

"I'm A SUPER PERVERT!!!"

"A pervert!?"

"EEKK! They'res a hole in the divide!"

"They've been spying on us!

"Kill those bastards!"

The bamboo wall began to shudder and shake as the women powered by almighty rage started tearing it away. Some of the smarter men began running. Hoping to escape before they were hunted down.

Genma had a better idea. Looking to his left to find his son who was simply confused by the whole exchange. Not understanding what a pervert was let alone why all these people were running because of it.

He picked up his son by the shoulders and looked him dead in the eye.

"Ranma I need you to do that thing you did in Nara to get that candy." He said in all seriousness.

Ranma just looked more confused. "But you said not ta cause it ain't...

"JUST DO THIS FOR ME!"

The boy being as poorly educated as he was still knew enough to know that when his father yelled then it must be important. So he concentrated on the technique his dad wanted before bringing it at full force. Just as the barrier fell.

Women swarmed the mens side. Since they didn't know who to target they just attacked whatever man they could see. Most got away, some did not. Jiraiya managed to hide by hanging onto the ceiling like some sort of pervy fly.

Just as the women rounded on Genma, preparing to rip him apart he unleashed his ultimate weapon.

Ranma.

Ranma stared up at the semi naked women with big glimmering puppy dog eyes. His bottom lip trembling.

They stood no chance. You could see the anger visibly bleed away from them as they were overcome with a different desire.

"KAWAI!!!"

Faster than you could say 'huh Ranma was pulled into the female group. Being hugged like a teddy or having his cheeks pinched. It was fortunate for both father and son that Ranma was still but a young boy. Lucky for Ranma because it saved him a beating, and lucky for Genma because the boys adorableness allowed him to make a clean getaway.

It was about 10 minutes later that Ranma was able to wriggle free of one of the womens grip when they all moaned in sadness he turned and waved at them.

"Bye bye pretty ladies."

"Oh what a nice boy."

"Take care now."

When he left the ladies all started to relax again. That is until one said something.

"What did we break down the barrier for again?"

Looks of confusion passed over their faces. They didn't remember much before that little cutie appeared, but surely they're had to be a reason.

"AAAGGGHHH!!!"

*Splash*

Jiraiya surfaced from that hot water, rubbing his back from hitting the rock bottom of the shallow pool.

Auras of anger sprang up once more as the womens objective became clear.

As the beating of the soon to be walking bruise of a pervert took place, little Ranma watched from the nearby washroom waiting for his dad to come back and get him. His eyes wide with awe and more than a touch of confusion. Papa always said women were weak, but how could that be if they could be this scary.

He knew one thing though. As they beat Jiraiya they kept hissing or growling out the word 'pervert'. Now he didn't know what it meant exactly but he now knew that 'A' girls don't like them and 'B' they will break every bone in your body if you are one.

It was from that day that he resolved never to be a pervert.

* * *

**End Flashback**

* * *

The door to the clubhouse opened revealing a now dressed and madly blushing Chiharu. Absently pulling on the hem of the gym t-shirt she was wearing.

"S-sorry you saw that. K-kirika said to g-et ch-changed." The poor girl stuttered.

Ranma smiled making her blush further. "It's not your fault. She tried pushing me in so I guess we can put the blame on her."

"Not gonna happen. Now get in so we can start the meeting." The clubs leader said all the while shoving it's newest members inside.

"Meeting? But Kirika they're arn't any other members here." Said Chiharu.

True. The normal sounds of soldering, boiling, smashing and anything else loud and dangerous were not present due to the lack of the members who produce them.

"Thats because I already had them go out on their own club business. Now it's your turn." She sat down and adopted a serious look.

"The Eiken club has a long standing bad rep. Students out their have no idea what our club does, so they start rumour."

Ranma interrupted her. "Uh, to be fair Kirika, we don't even know what the club does." Chiharu nodded in agreement.

"To stop this I've had the rest of the club go out to promote it."

'She avoided the question again.' The two thought in sync.

"Since you to arte new and dont have any special duties I'm assigning you to helper duty. Just go out to each other members location and help them any way you can."

Chiharu perked up a little. "This means we can get to know the others."

Kirika nodded. "Right. But more importantly...."

She almost knocked the two over as she shot up from her seated position. Hands on her hips.

"...If all goes well then might want to join instead of me making them!!!"

The other two sweat dropped.

"Okay before we go out to help the others. I need Ranma to change into this." Kirika said and presented the boy with new cloths.

"Uh Kirika. This is just a gym uniform. I already have one." 'Well two just in case. And neither of them are two sizes too small either.'

A surprisingly innocent look appeared on the huge girls face. Complete with adorable little circles of blush.

"Who said I bought it for you.?"

She grabbed his shoulders.

"I bought it...."

She reached for his pants.

".....So I can play dress up with you!!!"

What followed was a scene that lay somewhere between playing dress up and an an S&M doujin. Ranma fought harder than he ever had. Valiantly trying to keep himself dressed while his opponent tried just as hard to strip him to his birthday suit. It was a literal whirlwind of movement as the two battled it out. Moving as blurs and refusing to give an inch to the other.

Chiharu had been prepared to run as soon as she saw the boy's boxers but found herself glued to the spot. Watching the lightning speed battle in front of her with awe and a touch of curiousity. Evident by the slackness of her jaw, the wideness of her eyes and the redness of her cheeks.

Finally the blur divided into two separate people. One was a slightly annoyed boy in a gym uniform that 'wasn't' too small for him. The other a pouty girl still holding the uniform she'd bought

"Aww. You could at least be a little more grateful for me buying you this."

"If you wanna play dress up then do it yourself." The look on her face told him that was the wrong thing to say. "Wai...."

"If you insist!" She grinned. Her hand flashed towards the fasten of her skirt and with a single motion had flung it clear across the room.

The club newbies where out the door before she could reach the fasten.

The bottomless girl sighed. "Prudes."

* * *

"WATCH OUT!!! WILD BOAR!!!"

People ran for cover as the massive tusked pig came barreling down the street. Running indoors, over fences and even into barrels for some protection from being gored.

That is except for the young man right in it's path.

"Young man, watch out!!!" Cried out a village elder.

The boy in question must have had horrible hearing since he only now turned his head to see the changing beast, however his was not a look of worry but of aloofness. As if the threat of being trampled to death was as much a bother as your shoes coming undone.

Just as the beast reached him he pulled his umbrella of the side of his pack and stabbed it forward right into the beasts nose.

The animal tried to push forward but found itself barred from forward movement by the human who looked to be putting as much effort into blocking it as you would holding back a toddler.

It pushed harder and harder until it eventually felt itself start to move, not forward though. Instead it felt itself being lifted up.

With a squeal of surprise the boar was lifted over the teens head and launched into the air. Landing more than 50 feet ahead of the boy the pig ran as fast as it could away from the monstrous human.

The teen sighed before turning back around when the village rushed out to greet him.

"Boy that was amazing." Said the old man from before." If you need anything just name it."

The boy looked at him for a second. He shrugged and brought up a large map.

"Do you know were Nerima is?"

The old man, along with several other villagers stared at the map for several moments before coming to a conclusion.

"This here is a map of Tokyo sonny."

"Oh? Isn't this Tokyo?"

"............Does it look it."

"I didn't really notice. After a while everywhere looks like everywhere else."

The gathered villagers had a taste of the road.

"I must be close to it though, right?"

"*Cough* Son Tokyo is 500 miles north." Said the old man.

"Aahh. Thank you." Said the boy before turning round and continuing his walk.

"Thats south boy!" One of the villagers called out.

"Sorry." The boy called back before turning left and heading into the woods.

"And that's east." The same villager sighed.

"That is one lost boy." The old man commented.

* * *

Ranma and Chiharu were halfway around the school before they stopped to take a breather. Confident they got away from the crazy girl for the time being.

"Okay. Did she say where the other members are?"

Chiharu nodded and pulled out a small sheet of paper from somewhere that Ranma was at odds on whether he wanted to now about or not and unfolded it into a simple map of the school. Dotted across it were chibi pictures of each club member, the closest being Komoe who was only a few blocks away.

The two started walking to the location, as they did they noticed several students passing them by turning to look at them. Most of them being boys who divided into 'perverts' and 'pseudo perverts'. The pseudo coming from trying to get as big an eyeful as possible in just a flickering glance rather than open gawking.

Ranma was somewhat annoyed by all the staring but tolerated it. Chiharu on the other hand.

"Ignore it." He said without turning his head.

Chiharu looked at him, her blush diminishing from surprise.

"They're not worth getting worked up over so just pretend like their not there ok?"

Chiharu looked at him for a few seconds before nodding and turning her hand back.

Ranma smiled. Glad that his words seemed to have worked without his fists following for a change. So what if a few guys were looking its not like they had a chance with a girl like Chiharu anyway.

'And what kind of girl is she?'

He almost tripped over his own feet at that thought. Where the hell had that came from?

"Chiharu!" A voice called out.

Ranma was pulled back into reality by the appearance of the 'little' girl in front of him. Whom he recognized as the girl who tried to recruit him for the science club.

She had hot pink hair down to the small of her back done up in two loose ponytails. If he had to guess he'd say she was about 12 maybe 13 since she was about 5 foot, and was very clearly going through puberty. Over the gym uniform she was wearing stockings, her gym shoes had been replaced with sensible black ones with pink ribbons instead of laces and and overly frilly apron over her front. She had an overall 'awww' factor that was compounded by the innocent look on her face that belonged on someone years younger.

"Hi Komoe!" Chiharu called back, walking up to the girl.

".....Who's that?" Asked Komoe pointing o Ranma.

"Eh? Komoe this is Ranma Saotome. The new member who started yesterday remember?"

The girl looked at at him, staring at him while trying to match his face to a previous one but failing miserably. After a few moments of straining her sight she reached into her pocket (despite not having any) and pulled out a pair of coke bottle lenses. Trading them for ones on her face for a moment before falling back in shock.

"Your a boy!?!"

".......Is she serious?" Said Ranma in a tone that couldn't be anything but dry since most of the fluids in his body had collected into an enormous bead of sweat.

Chiharu sighed and nodded. "Komoe has abysmal eyesight. She needs her extra thick glasses to see details."

Komoe sat on the ground crying. "Kirika told me to trick you into joining by asking if you wanted to join the science club. I thought you were a girl because I could only make out the pigtail."

Ranma would have asked how she could explain mistaking his voice. When he decided against it. The weakness he had for crying girls making him kneel down and pat her head.

"It's ok. It's not like you can help having crappy vision right?"

The girl sniffled a little but calmed down. Managing to share a shy smile with him.

"Thank you..uh, er."

"Ranma." He said gently. "Try to remember it okay?"

The girls face lit up with fiery determination, her eyes just the same.

"Yes. I'll do my best!"

Chiharu smiled at the interaction. It was just like between a brother and sister. Or a father and daughter.

She shook those thoughts away and changed the subject.

"So Komoe what are you doing for the club?"

"Oh!" She stood up and pulled the two over to her station. "Let me show you."

The station to the surprise of both of them was actually a well equipped kitchenette, on a cutting board in front of them was a folded parcel of dough.

"Your making Udon?" Asked Chiharu.

"Uh huh. Kirika asked me to put on a cooking demonstration for the club."

Ranma and Chiharus ears perked up at that tit-bit of information. Chiharu pulled herself close to the pinkette.

"Does that mean that the Eiken club is a cooking club?"

The girl opened her mouth to answer, then stopped. You could see the gears working in her mind as her expression went from contemplative to confused to utter bewilderment.

"I was in the cooking club until two years ago when Kirika made me join Eiken. Kirika just has me cook so..I."

"Alright, it's fine," 'So she doesn't know either." The boy thought in a tone that would be considered rude if he spoke in it.

"What I wanna know now is why nobody's here?"

Aside from the three of them their was not a person had came near the kitchenette. In fact despite it being on a particularly busy school walkway 'and' across from the football field (Or soccer to anyone who thinks I mean that rugby with padding version) there wasn't a single person anywhere near them.

Komoe looked embarrassed. "Well people tend to run when they hear about the Eiken club. In case Kirika makes you join."

"I'd still like to know how she can do that."

"Me too."

They both sighed.

"Anyway. I'm making udon noodles. Want to try?"

*Shrug* "Why not?"

"Me too." Piped in the redhead. "I want to make them for my family."

So the three started cooking. One because it was her duty as a club member, another because she wished to make it for her family, and the last one because he was bored out of his mind and was sure if he tried to leave a certain crazy purple haired amazon might jump out of the blue and try to kill him.

The other one, the tall one.

While the girls were kneading their dough Ranma hit something of a snag. You see he couldn't really cook. Sure he'd made his fair share of camp fire food and learned a few recipes in his travels, however he'd never actual made anything that didn't involve throwing things in a pot and waiting until it was safe to eat. He tried to follow what his junior was doing and was doing it very well but he still ended up with something that you couldn't really call udon dough.

"It's alright for a first attempt sempai. You can't expect to make something like udon perfect the first time." Said Komoe.

"It worked well enough in the past." He muttered under his breath while watching Chiharu make her dough perfectly. First try his ass.

He noticed Komoe take off her glasses and apron, forcing him to stare directly into her squinting eyes.

"Uh Komoe, Isn't it better to leave those on?"

"I know. But Kirika told me that if I made udon like this then people will come." She said while she started kneading the dough on the ground.

The gears started turning in Ranma's head. 'Okay I could understand if people come for good noodles, but why would Kirika tel Komoe to take off her apron. All that's gonna do is.....she wouldn't.'

"I have to knead it harder." Said the girl in question before actually stepping onto the dough.

'Yeah, she would.' "Komoe I wouldn't..."

"WOW LOOK AT THAT!!!"

Ranma jumped on reflex. Flipping over the massive crowd of boys rushing up behind him to see the display. Landing just behind them.

"That looks great."

"Sooo good."

"I wanna eat em."

It wasn't the udon they were talking about. Komoe, sweet little Komoe was bouncing around like mad. Her efforts to knead the dough beneath her feet making her massive assets jiggle and sway painfully with every step.

While a beyond minuscule voice in the back of his mind liked what it saw. A much, MUCH larger one took over. Filling him with anger and disgust which manifested as a bloody battle aura. He cracked his knuckles with an audible 'pop'.

"Time to kill some perver..."

"Oh no you don't."

Before he could advance on the hormonal crowd he felt himself being pulled back into a large bosom.

"Kirika? What the hell!? Do you have any idea what those guy's are doing?"

"Of course. They're paying for it after all."

Ranma was appalled. "Your charging them to watch Komoe! That's, that's!" He sputtered out.

"Huh?" She said with her face still in her trademark grin. "I'm charging them for quality noodles. Somebodies got a pretty dirty mind." She singsonged.

He spouted some unintelligible gibberish for a moment before making words. "I'm going to tell her." He turned back to the crowd.

"Oh? So you plan to tell that sweet little girl that the only reason people came was to stare at her prematurely massive melons?"

Ranma spun on his heel and opened his mouth to retort, when his words died on his lips. He turned his head round to look at the girl in question. Besides the slight blush from exertion Komoe had yet to look shy and embarrassment from the blatant leering. She went tomato red and bolted the day they met when he glanced for in an instant at her chest to confirm what he was seeing.

Kirika grabbed hold on his shoulder. "Without her glasses Komoe Harumachi can't see past the end of her nose. This way she gets to keep her innocence and we make a pile of cash!" She said pointing to the buckets lining the front of the crowd, which were already starting to fill to the top with coins, notes and a debit card wrapped in a paper with the pin number on it.

"I thought you were charging for the noodles?" Ranma asked dryly.

"We are. But if people would rather throw their money away into conveniantly placed trash cans then thats their business."

".....Your unbelievable. You know that right?"

Shrug. "I'm just upset that you didn't pull the girls like Komoe and Chiharu are the boy's."

"What!!!?"

"Okay. That's enough with the questions, Komoes almost done with the kneading which means you'll be needed elsewhere."

"I can't leave yet! What'll happen when she puts her glasses back on and sees that crowd leering at her." The pigtailed boy said pointing to the crowd.

"Still worried about the girls huh? *Sigh* Fine since I can't really make you do much else anyway." She stuck to fingers in her mouth and gave a sharp whistle. Then called out "Oh boys."

The menagerie of men turned around hoping to catch a glimpse of yet another hottie. Only to freeze at the sight of who it was.

"IT'S KIRIKA!!!"

"This is a trap!"

"Run for your lives!"

"Damn sexy monster!"

The crowd of boys disperse in seconds. Leaving only dust and large sums of money as evidence that they'd been there.

They're wasn't much for the remaining boy to say. Komoe just finished the kneading seconds after the crowd had just left. Placing her glasses back on ans picking up the dough she looked around the empty street.

"Where'd everybody go?"

* * *

"Well that was fun wan't it?" Said Chiharu happily as she and Ranma walked to the next club member located on the map.

"Yeah." Ranma grumbled. Aside from the exploitation of one of the club members it had been ok. At least he got to eat the udon when it was done, which was really good despite the cooks obvious difficulty in the kitchen. Unfortunately since no one bought any, and he didn't make any of his own that meant he needed to buy what he ate. Either that or risk making the girls upset that no one was around to try their cooking.

It was fortunate that he was so well off. Or he'd be up to his eyeballs in debt with the amount he ate.

* * *

A girl sneezed. Getting questioning looks from her subordinates before returning to the semi legal activities that kept her family in the black.

* * *

"So whos next member were supposed to help?" He asked.

"Mmmm I think it's Kyoko. She's the one in the robot from yesterday."

"You mean that little g..."

A streak of vermilion light lanced towards him, streaking past Chiharu only a few feet away from him and hitting him directly in a spectacular explosion! Or it would have been if he had not jumped out of the way at the last possible instant to avoid the beam and resulting explosion."

"Who are you calling a little girl you muscle brained idiot?!"

As the smoke cleared from the duos vision a pair of figures appeared.

The first was a giant robot humanoid easily 10 feet tall. It had an ape like body with short legs, bulky torso and long thick arms. One thing that made it distinctly less humanoid was it's lack of a head. Instead it had a cockpit complete with a faux leather seat, levers and a fair share of sticky notes. It's left arm was extended at him with a hole smoking in its palm. The word 'ZWEI' was emblazoned on it's chest in bright yellow letters.

Beside it was a less imposing figure. No taller than four feet in height if you stretch it the girl looked like she had barely started elementary school. Her light blue hair was done in a page boy style framing a face with a look on it that certainly didn't belong on such a young girl. It was a look that carried maturity beyond her supposed years, one that made it seem like she looked down on him as inferior and beneath her notice. Like the rest of the club she was wearing a gym uniform but had a white lab coat draped over her shoulders like a cape.

"I'm Kyoko Morooka." Her tone was serious, if somewhat annoyed. "And I'll have you know I'm 14 you smart ass."

Ranma would have liked to debate about that claim but he hadn't survived as Genma's son for this long by flapping his gums.

"Nice ta meet ya!" He put on a happy but obviously nervous smile that didn't fool anyone.

"*Hmph* I'll bet. Come on we have work to do." Kyoko turned to face her robot and in a surprising display of agility lept into the cockpit of the mechanical giant which un-literally roared to life and struck the tetsujin pose.

"Okay now follow me. Just be careful." The girl said as the robot named Gustav zwei traversed for her to the back alleys of one of the school buildings.

"Relax. Anyone messes with us won't know what hit em." The secret aqua transexual still appeared to have 'some' ego left at least. You don't become a teenage martial arts master without a little overconfidence it would seem.

If he could have seen past the robot back he would have seen the little but not little girl smirk.

"I didn't say be careful because of a person. I was referring to the...

*BOOM*

"...Land mines." She finished. Chiharu held her hands to her face in shock at Ranma who had been flung from his position to about three feet in front of Kyoko.

"Why, why would you set up land mines?" Asked the red head.

"Kyoko shrugged. "I can't say yet, but Kirika asked me. You ever tried to tell that girl no?"

"...Good point."

"Well I'm glad you survived that one Ranma."

*BOOM*

"Now just avoid the other 198 left."

* * *

The three sat in front of a large sheet covered with miscillanious items. Chiharu smiled at the large crowd of people in front of her while Kyoko gave a semi impressed/ semi annoyed look at the smoldering and slightly charred Ranma.

"You only stepped on 8 out of 200 and survived. You are a damn impressive guinea pig."

"Thanks...I think." He said. "Although I think I need a better explanation for the land mines for a flea market than just 'Kirika told me to.'"

"Because of the dangerous stuff were selling." Kyoko replied.

"Dangerous?" Ranma said with one eyebrow raised. He looked at their 'dangerous' wares.

A coronet with a wet mouthpiece.

A laptop with half an essay written on it.

A gym uniform that looked like someone had just taken it off.

A paint set complete with acrylic soaked brushes and half the tubes empty.

"Uh Kyoko. This stuff looks recently used."

"Yeah, and?"

"'And' all the customers are crying." Said Chiharu as she handed a paper bagged calligraphy set to a sobbing sophomore.

"Nu-now we can get ba-back to work." Cried the boy.

The pieces fit together all to clearly for the newest club members.

"I don't believe this, were selling them back their own stuff." Growled Ranma in disgust.

"*Gasp* Thats dishonest."

"Don't be silly."

The sudden appearance of Kirika with a burglar mask and an enormous bulging bag labeled 'swag' didn't alleviate them of those notions.

"Look." Said the girl, dropping the goods. "The truth is I had those mines set up as an added precaution so that we could make our real sale. You got the goods Kyoko?"

The short genius smirked and lift up an outdated floppy disk.

"The other stuff is just a cover so we can sell this disk to those guy's." The blue haired girl pointed to a group of approaching older men who definitely weren't students, and decked out in long jackets with sunglasses to complete their look. They just screamed suspicious.

"You got the agreed stuff gentlemen?" Asked Kirika. Making the trade off to the side while Chiharu were busy returning the stolen possessions and refunding money.

"Of course." Said the shortest of the mystery men in a voice that reminded him of that guy....ya know from the godfather, mouth full of cotton? Ah who cares I didn't like that movie. Anyway he lifted a briefcase he was holding and handed it to Kirika. "20,000,000 yen just as promised."

Ranma and Chiharu almost tripped over their feet despite standing still.

Kirika checked over the loot for a second then closed it. Giving her trademark grin she snatched the disk from Kyoko and handed it to the man.

"Pleasure doing business with you." He said before walking off with his posse in tow.

Ranma was quite confused at the whole exchange. Not caring that the boy's were simply grabbing their stuff back and running.

"Kirika. What the hell!?" He asked in a rather calm manner.

Kirika looked at him passively. "Oh nothing much. Just some terrorists, or some crap like that. Hired Kyoko to hack government computers and swipe some secrets.

"Oh..........Government secrets!!!!!!!!" He almost yelled. "Do you realize what you've done?"

Kirika waved him off. "Relax. It's not like it was 'our' government."

"I hacked the pentagons." Kyoko finished.

That didn't make what he was feeling any better. If anything it made it considerably worse. The term 'international incident' sprang to Chiharus mind.

'Whoa' sprang to Ranmas.

"Do you have any..."

"Shh. It's on." Said Kirika, bringing out a portable radio and tuning it in.

"AZKWVVVICKRRAAHHAnd in a recap of our top story. The pentagon mainframe was broken into today by a hacker. Since all data is accounted for the government is passing it off as a prank and an excuse for a much needed security update. In other news..."

"***Whistle*** It's impressive that they couldn't trace you." Said Kirika to a despondent Kyoko.

"Big deal. They still managed to discover they'd been hacked. I've still got a lot to learn about this subject."

He would have said something. In all honesty every cell of Ranma was prepared to scream. At the two for what they'd done. He may not know much, but he knew that breaking into anything and giving it to terrorists was beyond a bad thing.

The only thing stopping him were the implications. He tells anyone about this and he can just see himself 'try' to explain how exactly he knows the hackers identify in the first place. Then he can looks forward to a nice long stay in prison for being an accomplish to terrorists.

"Chiharu I think it's time that we go." Whispered Ranma to the equally distraught redhead who nodded slowly and started sneaking off with him, leaving the short scientist and the giant lunatic behind them.

* * *

At the same time-

"Furikan must be around here somewhere."

Ryoga Hibiki was, you guessed it, lost. He had managed to gleen from a source in China that the Saotomes were planning on going to Nerima district in Tokyo. From what he could gather on the map they're were only two high schools in that district, and since his rival wasn't a girl he was going to Furikan.

He had studied this map like a favorite book. Going over every inch of the paper until he could name every street by heart and every landmark on them. He knew every square inch of Nerima better than any resident without ever having been they're.

Now if he could only 'find' Nerima so that knowledge could be put to use.

'I don't have time for this' He thought angrily. "'Every day I waste looking for him is another day Saotome can use to get stronger.

He could just see it now. While he stumbles about the country having no time to improve himself Ranma's father was probably showing his son soon unbeatable new technique he could use to defeat his greatest rival.

Meanwhile in.....do you even care?

Genma Saotome sneezed. Making his old friend wonder if he had a cold.

"Hey buddy you OK?"

Ryoga raised his head, and felt joy beyond bounds.

What the guy looked like was unimportant, and he could care less for either of his friends. No to Ryoga it was the cloths he was wearing.

A school uniform.

The lost boy collapsed to his knees as he let out tears of happiness. Angels played the symphony divine while flowers filled his vision and perfume his nose.

"At last. After all this time, I made it. Furikan high!" He said in pure ecstasy.

"Uh dude. This is Zashono academy. Not Furikan."

Heaven shattered like cheap glass as our directionally challenged wanderer was pulled back into cruel reality.

"Z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z." He stammered worse then a pale eyed girl in front of a blue eyed blond.

"Yeah, Zashono." The boy repeated several steps away from the crying nut case. There were enough maniacs actually going to this school without this guy weirding it up even more.

"But. Nerima!"

"Nerima? As in the district? That's way on the other side of the city." One of the other non discript boys said.

A sickly green aura sprang up about the boy, who had now planted his head on the ground and silently sobbed. "It'll take me forever to reach there. Damn it!" His sobs turned to growls right before he rammed his fist into the ground in anger. Cracking the ground for a four foot radius and burying his arm up to the elbow. "DAMN IT!!!"

By now the students had the good sense to run from this clearly deranged super strong monster.

Ryoga looked up. His face dripping with tears while his teeth were gritted hard enough to almost crack.

'Why!? Why can't I ever find him? It takes me who knows how long to find where hes supposed to be. But whenever I do make it he's gone! It isn't fair!"

Now this might seem petty to you. Tracking someone for something as pointless as revenge when you have no ability to track definitely sounds petty. However to someone like Ryoga whose natural curse leaves him unable to treasure much, having something to focus on is all he has.

After causing more damage to his surroundings with rage fueled punches Ryoga was able to calm himself down. Letting all that anger out felt like such a relief. He stood up and patter away the dirt clinging to his pants. Then reached into his bag and pulled out a different map. This one of Tokyo.

"Okay lets see. That guy said this academy was still in Tokyo so...mmm. Ah there it is. That means that Nerima iiissss. ***Sigh* **This things too big. I need help."

The boy scanned the area. Not able to find the boys from before he searched for someone new. Not moving from his spot because moving meant getting lost.

"Come on. Their has to be someone. There!"

He spotted two students a little way away from him. One being a red haired girl from hat he could tell and........................!!!!!!

* * *

Minutes before-

"I really hope this next one will at least be a little normal. Though I don't remember them being as such the other day." Grumbled Ranma while he and Chiharu were making there way to the last club stop.

"Oh come on Ranma it's not that bad." Said Chiharu, not looking believable in the least.

Ranma didn't even bother with 'the look' "Who are you trying to kid Chiharu? Between that psychotic giant, the international criminal and the twelve year old with the giant breasts they're more than living up to the clubs rep."

"...Your right. Your absolutely right Ranma. The club is everything people think it is." Said Chiharu. "Just like you Kirika forced me to join. And just like you no one in my class or my friends had anything nice to say about it. I was ready to quit."

"You can quit." Said Ranma with one eyebrow raised.

"Well...I would have tried at least. "She corrected. "I was ready to quit when Kirika came up to me and asked me something I never thought people would ask."

"What?"

"She asked 'what do you want to do?'"

"I don't get it."

"*Giggle* Neither did I for a while. But then I realized, I was only leaving the club because my friends said I should." She looked away from him. "I've always done what others tell me. Everyone else always made my big decisions for me. Even coming to this school was my moms idea."

"Ditto." Ranma sad with a smile.

"But this club, I stayed because it's my choice. No one else's. I have to b more assertive. I want to accomplish something in this club.

I f he were not so trained he would have tripped over his feet once more. He was having another of those weird sensations in his chest. The way Chiharu looked at him right now was just...he didn't know what it was but he liked it.

"Chiharu." He whispered out without realizing it. "LOOK OUT!" He grabbed her shirt and yanked her back just as he lept a few yards away, because where he had been standing a moment ago was demolished seconds later.

It hit the ground hard enough to make a crater in the path. The object stood up, showing a boy roughly Ranmas age in a yellow sweater tackier than even the girls uniforms. He carried an enormous back pack and an umbrella that looked heavier than a normal one. The boy looked at Ranma, eyes filled with hate no one had ever directed at him before.

"Ran-ma!!!" He snarled out. Speaking his name as if it were venom

"Uh...Do I know you?"

* * *

End chapter

* * *

(1) Consider a boy who has never had much in the way of female contact in his life, imagine that he never had 'the talk' or got any education of that type from his lazy ass dad. Picture that every encounter with a female up to this point had been associated with unpleasant memories. Now picture that he's suddenly thrown into a perverts fantasy. It may just be me but I don't believe a boy like that would have a normal teenage boy's libido.

(2) fNot exactly true for me.....7:15am at the latest. I'm dead serious.

For anyone who might complain about the lack of Ranma's curse being in the story, don't worry. I'm simply waiting for a part in Eiken or Ranma were it's part of the plot. It won't be that long though.


	5. Chapter 5

Welcome to the club

Chapter five: Meet the Eiken club (Part2)

Disclaimer: If I owned these series why would I be writing this?

* * *

You ever have one of those moments were you recognize someone or something but you can't quite remember it? Like a show you've not seen in years, directions to a distant relatives home...or the name of someone you haven't seen in who knows how long.

That was what Ranma was feeling right now. He knew in all honesty that he should recognize this guy who almost killed Chiharu and him but for as hard as he tried could not remember where from. He felt a little embarrassed really. He should be able to recognize someone with fangs, or wore a spotted bandanna and yellow sweater that made the Zashono girls uniforms looks in style.

He wanted to say this guys name. Sadly all that came out was a rather sad. "Do I know you?"

That was clearly the wrong thing to say as the boy eyes narrowed even more than he had thought possible without closing them.

"You don't remember me? You ass hole! You think you can just forget your greatest enemy like yesterday's news? Damn you Saotome!"

Now the pigtailed boy was really feeling guilty. This guy obviously thought enough of him to consider him his mortal enemy yet Ranma didn't even know the poor guy's name.

"Of course I remember you. Your...Ri...habi?...Ryuichi...hob..Rwa..."

"RYOGA! I'M RYOGA HIBIKI YOU HALFWIT!"

Ranma's face lit up when it hit him. "That's it! Ryoga Hibiki from junior high. How have you been man?"

He mentally face palmed after saying that. The boy's loud declaration moments ago aptly showing what he just asked.

"Making fun of me again Saotome? Have you no shame?" Ryoga growled out.

"I agree. That was a little rude Ranma." Added Chiharu.

"Aw come on Chiharu. I didn't mean it like that. I just haven't seen the guy in a while and wanted to know how he was is all."

"Spare me Saotome. The last thing I need is more of your bad taste in humor."

"I wasn't kidding." Ranma replied.

"You ruined my life Saotome! And for that I will destroy your happiness." Bellowed Ryoga.

"Happiness?" He turned to Chiharu. "Am I happy?"

She thought it over for a second. "I'd like to think so."

"ENOUGH!" RANMA SAOTOME PREPARE TO DIE!" The lost boy yelled and charged his supposed eternal rival. His umbrella jabbing forward like a lance.

Ranma wasn't a slouch though, in fact the boy attacking him might as well have been standing still. He flipped out of the way just as Ryoga ploughed the umbrella into the spot where he'd just been standing leaving another section of the path destroyed.

Ranma landed a fair distance away. Hoping that it was far enough to keep Chiharu out of danger should Ryoga attack again.

"What is your deal Ryoga? I knew we weren't the best of friends in school but I hardly consider that a reason to hate me so much."

"Just tell me one thing Ranma. Why did you run away?"

"Huh?"

Ryoga growled. 'His memory must be as bad as my sense of direction'. "I meant the fight I challenged you to. The duel of honor between us that never happened because you fled like the coward you are!"

Chiharu gasped in shock. No way, Ranma wasn't a coward. Was he?

Ranma looked confused. "Fled? Ryoga I waited three straight days for you."

Ryoga retorted. "But when I reached the location on the fourth day you were gone!"

'Four days! This fight must have been up in the mountains or something if it took that long to reach'. Thought Chiharu.

"Tell me something Ryoga. Why'd it take you four days to reach the empty lot 500 yards from your house?"

*Sweat drop* 'Or he could just have a very bad sense of direction'.

"Bastard! You think I did nothing those four days? I went all over the country to reach you."

Now it was the pigtailed boys turn to sweat drop. "It was a big empty lot right down main street. It should have taken you 20 seconds to reach. See, this is why we had to lead you around to, from and around school. You couldn't find your house if it was right in front of you. Literally."

"SHUT UP! You ran from our man to man fight with your dad all the way to china. And then made my life a living hell!"

'Does this guy only ever speak with exclamation marks'? "So what, you want to finish our fight?"

Ryoga snorted. "Fight? Who said anything about a fight! This is revenge!"

He opened his umbrella and threw it at Ranma. It flew straight at him like a Frisbee. The pigtailed boy wasn't sure what harm a cloth and bamboo umbrella could do but he did not want to find out.

He veered out of the way at the last possible second. He could feel the wind as it sailed by , now sure that if he'd been even a little late that the umbrella would have lopped his head off. Ryoga came up behind his weapon, aiming a jab to cave in his supposed tormentors head. However Ranma's speed far outmatched Ryoga's and allowed him to dodge easily then retaliate with a snap kick to the abdomen. Ryoga returned the attack in kind by grabbing onto the offending leg then lashing out with a vicious punch that Ranma avoided by cocking his head to the side.

It was there that Ranma was shocked. Not because of the level of combatant that Ryoga was, rather that his umbrella was making a return trip like a boomerang and heading straight for Chiharu.

"NOOO!" He cried out, but it was to late. Chiharu turned to face the 'whirring' sound and...

"SCHWWWING!"

Ranma leveled a knee in Ryoga's gut to make the boy stagger back. Our heroes eyes fixated on the scene in front of him.

Much to his relief Chiharu was fine. She was being held in the arm's of a taller and considerably more svelte girl dressed in a gym uniform as well. Her long blond hair was done up in loops with large bauble with demon faces dangling from her ears. Chiharu who was in the arms of the girl was pale and confused, like she had not quite realized what had been about to happen to her. Her uniform had a single cut right along the chest. Exposing a hint of her very heavy top section much to her embarrassment and shame.

"My that was a close one. You were almost chopped in two." Said the girl whom we could identify as Lin Grace.

"You alright Chiharu?" Ranma called out to the distressed girl.

"Um, yes?" The exposed red head said while trying to hide her cleavage.

"Don't ignore me Saotome!" A voice that was rapidly beginning to irritate Ranma called out. Ryoga caught his umbrella, collapsed it and once more aimed it at Ranma's skull.

Ranma returned in kind with a knife strike aiming at the bandanna clothed forehead.

"That's quite enough you two."

To the armament of the fighters, as well as those who had crowded around to watch the fight, the attacks had been stopped by the waif of a girl who had rescued Chiharu. It was incredible how Grace had just 'appeared' between them. One second nothing, and the next she was in the middle for all to see. Holding back attacks that to most would be lethal like they were children in need of a spanking.

Although it wasn't obvious you could see Graces hand shaking slightly as it held Ryoga's weapon while the one holding Ranma's palm was as steady as a rock.

Ryoga was less than pleased. "Why are you interfering! This is a man's fight!"

Grace tilted her unopened gaze towards the lost boy. He felt a small shiver go up his spine. Feeling a fear bare down on him that he hadn't known since he was a boy.

"A man's fight?" She said with a voice full of innocence. "Is it part of a mans voice to hurt bystanders? Because it doesn't sound all that good to me if it is."

If that sentence had came out of his mouth, or Kirika's, or even Chiharu's it wouldn't have sounded anything else but sarcastic. This girl though, it was honestly impossible to tell if she was being sarcastic or if she was completely naive.

"She's right Ryoga. If you wanna fight that's fine. But not where others can get hurt." Said Ranma.

Ryoga really wanted to continue but he was still a martial artist. He who's duty it was to defend those who couldn't defend themselves.

"Fine." He growled "We will fight over there." He pointed to a nearby soccer field.

"Ranma nodded. After a moment of silence he spoke again. "Need any help getting over there?"

"DON'T START SAOTOME!" Ryoga bellowed. He hefted his back pack and headed west.

"Wrong way!" The pigtailed boy called out to the fanged one.

"I know!" He turned right from the direction he had been heading, which of course was still the wrong way. This time leaving every ones field of vision before they could correct his error.

"Well, at least he's out of my hair for awhile." Muttered Ranma.

"Hey Ranma!" The boy rolled to his side to avoid another 'boobalanche' from courtesy of Kirika's patent flying presses. The girl caught herself in mid fall and rounded on him. "Who was that guy? He defiantly has something major against you."

"Him? That was Ryoga Hibiki. And I think he's my rival."

* * *

The journey home was uneventful thankfully. After a day of chaos a little down time is what he needed.

That all changed when he actually got home. First he had to avoid those three amorous maids who were convinced that his weary slouching was a result of a bad back and they needed to get him to bed to 'straighten' it for him immediately.

Then he'd told his mom about Ryoga.

* * *

Flashback

* * *

"You want me to what?" A confused Ranma asked his possibly deranged mother.

"I said that I want you to make friends with this Ryoga boy." Nodoka calmly, not understanding her sons distress.

"Uh uh. And what part of 'tried to kill me' did you not hear?"

Nodoka looked at her son on the other side of the sitting room for a moment before responding "Well he wants to kill you over some sort of perceived wrong correct?"

He nodded.

"And you can't think of anything bad enough to warrant him doing this correct?"

Another nod. He and his mom both agreed that a blood feud over bread was ridiculous. Plus his failure to turn up at the fight, while worse wasn't enough for Ryoga to want his head on a plate.

"Maybe something happened to him in China?"

His mom shook her head "That's his fault son. Not yours."

The boy snorted "You don't know him like I do mom. Back at school Ryoga could accept anything bad happening to him or take the blame for anything he did wrong. It was always somebody elses fault. I wouldn't be surprised if he blamed me for the rain."

"Oh don't be absurd Ranma."

* * *

DAMN YOU SAOTOME!" Yelled a yellow clad teen from inside a tent being battered by torrential rain

* * *

*Knock Knock*

"Come in." Said Nodoka. In entered another young girl in a maids one was different in that aside from the apron she looked to be wearing a military officers uniform. The plain grey uniform came with pants instead of a skirt, which were being held up by a belt holding cuffs, a can of mace and a gun to make it quite clear she meant business. If of course you ignored the frilly apron.

"A Minako. Is their a problem?"

The young woman nodded and pulled out a letter from her apron pocket titled 'Letter of challenge'.

"Several hours ago we received a letter addressed to master Ranma from a Ryoga Hibiki."

"How'd he find out where I live?" Ranma noted.

"The security forces job is to ensure your safety sir. Part of that duty involves monitoring all sources of information for even a mention of you, including the mail systems of Tokyo. This letter was found in Tokyo's central mail services dead letter office with no address. Depending on whether or not he knew we do this makes him either incredibly naive or incredibly dangerous."

"...Okay you are aware that mom runs a toy company right?"

"Yes sir." The maid answered in a military like fashion.

"Not a government official."

"Yes sir."

"Or a heavy weapons manufacturer."

"Yes sir"

"She makes toys."

"Yes sir."

"And your saying that the president of a toy company needs to be able to monitor the flow of information in one of the worlds biggest cities?"

"You'd be surprised sir."

"Never mind Ranma. Just finish your report dear."

"Yes madam. After we examined it for the usual toxins and explosives..."

Ranma didn't even bother looking up at her.

"...The letter is clean. However it was addressed that the challenge be yesterday. Which we were all confused about s according to the acid tests this was written earlier today."

"That's Ryoga speak for about four days from now."

The two women looked at him confused before he continued. "Ryoga's family is cursed. Not like me before you say anything, but with the worlds worst sense of direction. I remember that it takes Ryoga about four days minimum to go anywhere. I don't see why this time would be any different. Course I did think he could at least make it to that lot in time but man was I wrong."

"Forgive me for questioning sir. But I cannot believe anyone could be that bad." Commented Minako.

Ranma snorted "No? That guy had to be led to, around and from school everyday so he didn't end up in Hokkaido. If Ryoga doesn't have aid then he wouldn't even be able to find his ass with a compass and map."

* * *

"Okay which way was it to the academy soccer field." Said the lost boy while holding up a map of Slovakia.

* * *

Meanwhile at the hall of Ju...oh wait it's only the Tendo house.

The Tendo family were all seated around the living room table. Soun's three daughters were excited/ impatient/ uninterested at the news their father had called them to the table to announce. It probably had something to do with the heavyset man in a gi across from them.

"Girls I would like you to met my old friend Genma Saotome." The mustachioed man said happily.

"Hello girls." Genma said politely.

"Hey." Said an annoyed Nabiki Tendo before she got up to go do more important things.

"Sit back down Nabiki. I'm not done yet." Commanded her father, who immediately cringed under her angry stare and calm but deadly tone "I don't see how a visit from your old friend has anything to do with us, so I'm outta here."

"It has everything to do with you girls Nabiki. This concerns your engagement!"

Nabiki stared at her father for a moment, trying to think of what e really said and not what she thought he said. She then looks over to Genma, in all his fat, bald and middle aged glory. Her sisters apparently doing the same, leading her to realize they'd misheard Soun too.

"Dad." She said a little too sweetly. "Please tell me your kidding."

"I most certainly am not Nabiki." He said with all seriousness. "This arrangement was made before any of you were born and you will honor it."

That was when mount Akane exploded.

"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND! THEY'RE NO WAY I'M GOING TO MARRY ONE OF YOUR OLD FRIENDS LIKE SOME PERVERT!"

Soun cringed in fear from his daughters red hot battle aura. Genma was also quite afraid but was able to put his hands up in a warding gesture.

"Settle down now young lady. He didn't mean me."

That calmed her down enough for her to sit down again, but she still gave her father the eye.

"You see up until recently I'd been traveling with my son on a decade long training mission. I taught that brat everything he needed to be the greatest fighter of his generation."

Akane scoffed.

"So where is he?" Asked Kasumi.

"Grrrr, that no good son of mine abandoned me as soon as we got back into the country to go live with his mother like a weak baby. That boy is nothing but an honor less cur!"

"Oh my! A cur?"

"Your not making many selling points for us to marry him." Said the middle Tendo daughter. The sarcasm in her voice was almost tangible.

"Eh! I, I mean to say how 'honorABLE' and noble he is and how thoughtful for him to want to visit his poor mother when he got home."

'Nice save.' The trio of girls thought.

"Speaking of your wife, would it not have been better for you to go with your son to visit her old friend?" Questioned Soun.

'And risk getting killed?' "Ah no Tendo. She was a tad upset with me for taking Ranma for just a 'little' longer than I was supposed to. And you know how my wife can hold a grudge." He laughed nervously a little.

Soun joined his old friend in the laughter, his being honest. "True. Nodoka could never let anything go."

Nodoka. That name struck a nerve with Nabiki. She knew she'd heard that name somewhere before.

'Nodoka? Saotome Nodoka? C'mon where have I...no way!'

She jumped out of her seated position. Eyes locked on the visitor.

"Mr Saotome."

The man stopped laughing and looked at her.

"Yes?"

"Did you say you were married to a woman named Nodoka?"

"That's right."

"Saotome Nodoka?"

"Unless something happened in the past decade I don't know about then yes."

"Short auburn hair and blue eyes?"

"Mmmm. It may have darkened with age but then again not many girl's that stood out like my Nodoka."

"...Sit tight. I'll be back in a second." She ran out the room and up the stairs as fast as she could.

"Nabiki!" Soun called after her. A little to late though since they could already hear the girl thumping around upstairs.

"I wonder what she's up to?" Said Belld, I mean Kasumi.

The thumping quickly stopped and Nabiki came down stairs, looking both exhausted and excited and holding a magazine under her arm.

"Is this her?" Panted the girl before tossing the magazine across the table were it fell directly in front of Genma.

Genma examined the paper in front of him. A woman in an expensive designer kimono graced it. The name Nodoka Saotome above her in big bold letters.

"I was right about her hair." He commented. "But what's she doing on a magazine cover?"

"Maybe Y-you shu-should ru-read it Gen-ma." Stammered Soun. His eyes already pouring across the page.

*Sigh* "Very well." He begrudgingly started reading. "Nodoka Saotome was recently rank the number one wea..." He went silent and the magazine went limp in his fingers. His jaw hanging loose.

Akane looked between her comically frozen father and house guest. She stretched over and plucked the magazine from limp fingers. She looked over the cover, reading the headline that shacked the adults and quickly flipping to the double page spread the cover said the story would be on.

"Nodoka Saotome" She read aloud. "Was recently ranked as the number 1 wealthiest independent woman in japan after succeeding her father as the head of the Kahou gaming company. After gaining control she was able to bring the small company to the global market and make it a household name. Thanks to her efforts have earned her a fortune of over 790 BILLION YEN!

(About 10 Billion dollars.)

"Saotome. Your rich." Soun breathed out.

"Not him dad. Her" Nabiki corrected. "And I think she passed rich several hundred million yen ago."

Genma sat there frozen. Unable to move for the next several moments. He scanned the room slowly and through as if looking for something before sighing and standing up quickly.

"Well I guess since Ranma's not with me I guess I will have to call the arrangement off. Oh well, see you Tendo don't forget to write." The fat man blurted out all at once then made a b-line for the door.

*THUNK*

He got as far as the living room doorway before an arrow wedged itself into the floorboard between his toes. With thanks to the bow in his old friends hands.

"You weren't planning in abandoning our honorable agreement just because your wife is wealthy were you Saotome?" His tone dared the man to agree.

"Of course not Soun." Genma said through his teeth. "I was, uhhh merely going to the ma-ma-mansion indicated in the article to fetch the boy since that is undoubtedly were he is."

Soun did not release the tension on the bow.

"I think my old friend." The uncharacteristically domineering man said "That I would prefer you to stay were I can see you until the matter of my daughters future is attended to."

"Of course of course." Said Genma and quickly found himself seated back in front of the table.

"Good." Soun sat back down as well. Keeping the bow in hand. "Now all we need to do is decide which one of you will marry Genma's son."

"I will not marry some pervert boy!" Barked the youngest Tendo, crossing her arms to show that the argument was over.

Nabiki gave her sister a patent 'Are you serious' look before shrugging "I'll do it."

Despite knowing exactly why his daughter would do such a thing Soun was still a little surprised "You Nabiki."

His middle daughter nodded "Kasumi already has a great prospect going for her." Kasumi looked at her sister confused while Akane looked downcast "And Akane seems to be dead set on becoming a spinster." Akane glared at her sister "I on the other hand an interested in boys, don't have any local prospects and won't complain about being married to a cute and obscenely rich guy. He is cute right?"

"Well...he's in good shape. And he takes much more after his mother than me." Genma was an idiot at times but he wasn't that stupid. He knew that a teenage girls idea of a hunk wasn't him, so saying Ranma got his looks from his mother instead of his dad (which was true even if he didn't admit it) would definitely help here.

He could feel a little piece of his pride wither and die at the girls visible look of relief.

"Now that is settled we just need for you to go to the same school as him."

"Zashono academy."

Everyone turned to the guest for clarification

"Zashono academy is where Nodoka was attending when we met. She always said she wanted him to go there."

"Oh I remember. We were ordered by the ma...you know who to raid the mph mukamph." Genma had quickly covered his old friends mouth with his hand.

That was a problem for Nabiki. Zashono despite it's massive attendance was still considered a prestigious school and hard to get into if you weren't connected, lucky or loaded.

"That might be a problem. Zashono isn't the cheapest private school to attend."

"That won't be a problem if you do well on the entrance exam Nabiki."

Nabiki looked at her sister and for once in no one remembers how long blushed "You really think I can?"

Kasumi nodded without hesitation "Your the smart one Nabiki."

Soun beamed at the display of sisterly affection. "Then it's settled. You and Akane shall both attend Zashono academy.

"Wait. Me 'and' Akane?"

"Of course. You can't expect to leave your younger sister their to fend for herself can you?"

Nabiki inwardly groaned.

* * *

Later that night

Once more Ranma was in his bed, though no where near as quick to sleep tonight. One because he was starting to get accustomed to the comfort of the bed. Secondly he was wondering about his up and coming fight with his supposed rival Ryoga.

While confident in his own ability he had no idea what to expect from Ryoga. Oh sure he could tell the guy was freaky strong, and could through and umbrella hard enough for it to cut through someone but that was it. He had very little idea as to his actual style if he actually had one or if he knew any of those crazy super techniques he'd heard about.

Plus he could turn up at any time. While what he'd said to his mom and the security made was technically the truth, it wasn't the 'whole' truth. Ryoga usually did take several days to get anywhere but in all honesty it could take him anywhere between 1 to 7 days to reach his destination.

He fell asleep thinking about how to fight outside the range of the deadly umbrella.

* * *

Three shadows once more crept through the house without a sound, apparently not learning their lesson from last night.

Like quick footed ninja they reached their masters door.

With a soundless giggle they entered the room as silently as did the night before.

Seconds later the door opened and they found themselves unceremoniously dumped into the hall.

The tangled mass of girls blinked in confusion, unsure of what just happened.

"What are you three doing?"

The heads turned slowly and faces paled at the sight of a peeved Yui tapping a flash light in her palm. Two members of the security forces behind her tapping something a little more painful than a flashlight.

The tangled pile was dragged away to be given a stern remainder on appropriateness.

* * *

Lack of updates reasons...the usual...plus it was a pain in the rear to put through a spell checker

Chapter was longer but I decided to split it up and dish out the parts I did complete. I will release the other parts later.

Til then I hope you enjoy. Criticism is fine as long as it is constructive.


	6. Chapter 6

Ranma: Welcome to the club Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own either Ranma, Eiken or any other series displayed in this fanfiction.

* * *

6 and a half hours later

Unlike the last day Ranma was pleased to find himself waking up normally. No dreams of soft things brought about by scantily clad girls pressing against him from all sides. No maids falling over one another to keep him in bed. It was a good way to wake up. Heck even his pillows felt softer than normal, and bigger...warmer and...beating ah crap.

"Lemon? Malon? Melon?" He said with his eyes closed. Still to groggy to open them.

"Nope." Was the reply he got.

"Oh...Kirika?" He said with no small amount of apprehension when his tired brain registered the voice.

"Yep." The delight in her voice was tangible.

Faster than most could follow Ranma had tossed his covers aside and was pressed against his room wall. Staring back at him was a near seven foot tall girl, butt naked in his bed with the only thing between her and the full mMontybeing his sheet which was lazily being held up with one arm that she didn't care if she dropped. She looked at him like a thin cat does a fat mouse, licking her lips in a manner that wasn't so much suggestive but more advertising with a fifty foot billboard with flashing neon lights

"Hey." She purred.

* * *

Nodoka was in the lavish and spacious kitchen cooking up breakfast.

"WHAT THE HELL!"

She almost dropped the knife she was holding.

"What was that?" She said. Putting down the sharp instrument on the counter and heading towards her sons room.

* * *

"I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!" Gushed the auburn haired woman while holding her son in a bone crushing hug.

"NGH! Mom! It's not what you think!" He grunted out with a precious breath.

"Oh? So a gorgeous young girl didn't sleep naked in the same bed as you last night?" She asked sounding completely sincere.

"Yes! No! YES! AHH!"

"No need to be so shy lover boy." Said Kirika in between bites of the most heavenly food she'd ever eaten.

Nodoka teleported to the girls side. Eyeing her up more than a mother or even a straight woman really should.

"I'm just so happy that my son was able to get such a 'healthy' beauty into his bedroom, and so soon." She said, the sincerity in her voice contrasting with the irritated twitching of her brow.

"Mom I told you she snuck in." Ranma almost whined.

"Even better. Girls are already longing for you enough to break into my home and sneak into your room. Not including the triplets."

"Triplets? You mean those three I tossed out of the room last night?" Kirika asked.

Nodoka nodded "I suppose so. I haven't seen them at all this morning. I wonder where they are?"

* * *

"Can we stop now?" Pleaded Lemon.

"My arms gonna fall off." Melon moaned pitifully.

"No! Another hour to go!" Said Yui sternly

As punishment the three had been made to write lines on a blackboard since they were caught. Only instead of writing so many lines they were made to do it over and over again, erasing the black board once full then writing all over again. Writing the words 'I will not sneak into Master Grandmas' room' over and over again in perfect calligraphy, which if they failed to do so get them another 10 minutes

"This is cruel!" Said Melon.

"And unusual for this day, age and country!" Whined Malon.

"Just be glad you not security right now. And another 20 minutes for complaining!"

"MORE COMPLAINING!"

* * *

"A-GAIN!"

"To ignore our duties is to bring shame to the Saotome clan and ourselves!"

"A-GAIN!"

"To ignore our duties is to bring shame to the Saotome clan and ourselves!"

"A-GAIN!" The laptop shouted through the speaker attached to it while the head of security sat nearby reading an otaku magazine.

She had almost every member of security in a secret training room somewhere on or under the property, each of them standing with their arms out straight in front of them and their legs in squat positions. They had the works when it came to psych and non lasting physical torture applied to them. Holding heavy dumbbells in each hand, Throwing hammers swinging from their thighs while in a seated position. Three foot needles poised to pierce the back of their hands if they were lowered as much as an inch and a large rusty spike ready to skewer their digestive tracks should their legs falter.

This was 'still' considered a slap on the wrist. At least compared to the punishments for the two that fell asleep at their station last night to allow Kirika a chance to break in.

For example. None of the weights are on fire...yet.

* * *

"So might I know the name of the girl who made my boy a man?"

A strangling sound came from that son's throat as his mother and club leader talked at the breakfast table.

"Kirika Misono Mrs Saotome."

"Kirika? A lovely name. So how did you two meet?"

"I'd twisted my ankle and he carried me all the way to my clubhouse. It was love at first sight for the both of us." She said wistfully.

"NO IT WASN'T!"

The two women's heads snapped to face the boy "Ranma!" His mother said admonishingly.

"She is 'not' my lover!" My girlfriend! She isn't anything like that!" He argued back.

"Ranma Saotome! Don't you dare say such things!"

The two were interrupted by a whimpering sound. Kirika had her hands up to her face was quietly sobbing. Letting out a hiccup every so often.

"Don't you *hic* like mu-me?"

Nodoka slowly turned to face her son and gave him the most murderous glare he'd ever get. He tried to counter with his own but it was like an ant trying to stare down an elephant.

"D-do you want Chiharu? Am I not good enough?"

The name Chiharu struck Nodoka as important. Doubly so when he son's expression turned pained.

"Whose Chiharu?"

"No one." Ranma said a little too quickly to be inconspicuous. "Just a girl in my club like Kirika."

The woman looked between her son and the crying beauty she'd found in his bed. The gears in her head ground until generated enough power to turn on the figurative light bulb. She sat down next to Kirika and began patting her back absently, noting her lack of a bra.

"It's alright dear I understand." She said gently.

"You Du-do?"

Nodoka nodded "Of course. It's obvious to me that both you and this Chiharu girl are competing for my son and you were afraid she'd beat you. I'm no stranger to that."

"Say what." Parroted the two teens. One of whom had stopped crying and had no red streaks on her face.

"What? You certainly didn't think Genma was the 'only' man I've ever been with? Your not a little boy anymore Ranma.." She took Kirika by the shoulders and looked into her eyes. "You don't worry dear. Try hard enough and I'm sure he will be bedding you in no time..."

"MOM!"

"...And if he ends up choosing this other girl then I'm sure he wouldn't mind taking you as his mistress. Or the other girl if he chooses you as his wife naturally."

She opened her eyes to realize she'd been talking to thin air. She sighed deeply and put her cup down. "Prudes."

* * *

Ranma and the tall girl next to him made a B-line for the waiting limo. Moving as fast as they could without breaking into a run.

"We will never speak of this again." Said the boy.

Kirika nodded "Agreed."

* * *

"Training?"

"Of course!" Said Kirika.

It was after school...so anytime really...did they ever go to class? The Eiken club was gathered in their club house discussing Ranma's upcoming match with Ryoga.

"You haven't seen each other in a long time. It's best that you prepare yourself to face all sorts of styles and techniques." That sound piece of advice came from the normally silent Grace.

Ranma couldn't fault her logic either. He spent last night only guessing what Ryoga would bring past his umbrella and impossible strength. Plus he hadn't gotten any training done for the past few days. While that way okay for most he could feel himself start to tighten up from lack of almost constant exertion.

"Okay I get it. So I'll just start training myself again."

Kyoko shook her head "I'm afraid not." Ranma faced her and she continued. "I've done some calculations and have been able to come up with a much more effective way for you to train."

He looked over at the diminutive scientist. 'She' made something that could train him better than he could himself. She had to be kidding.

* * *

She wasn't kidding.

It looked pretty much like any exercise machine. It had all the necessary equipment for him to work out in a number of way, some of which at the same time. Although he wasn't really sure if all the buttons and flashing lights were really that necessary, and the diesel fumes coming from it couldn't be good for him or the environment.

"Are you sure that's safe for him to use? It looks awfully dangerous." Said Chiharu. Oddly with more cynicism in her voice than worry.

"Tch ridiculous. They're a 97% guarantee that only 5 minutes in Hercules machine will more than double Ranma's strength and make him more limber than a boneless monkey. "

"And the other 3 percent." Ranma didn't like percent. Always some small chance for something completely unexpected to happen, if it was really bad then they're was a chance for a something completely unexpected and incredibly painful to happen. He prefered all or nothing. Two outcomes which he could guarantee without worrying about a 'maybe' or a 'possibly'.

"Your muscles will tear off your bones and explode." The diminutive girl said flatly.

Really hated percent.

"Sounds good to me!" Kirika proclaimed, shoving him towards the machine.

"You crazy!? Not in your life!" He barked, removing himself from the amazonian grip and putting distance between him and the exercise machine from hell.

"What are you? Scared?" She asked slyly. Attacking his overbuilt sense of male pride.

His answer surprised them all.

"YES I'M SCARED! I'm scared that this machine your trying to jam me into will take away the only thing I have in my life that makes me proud that Genma Saotome is my father!"

The different range of emotions of the club members was hardly unpredictable. Chiharu and Komoe were shocked, Grace and Kuma looked confused while Kyoko was somewhere between angry and guilty...guigry...angilty...whatever, and of course their leader was grinning to each ear.

You have to be wondering if she's popping happy pills by now. Heck knows I am. Honestly who smiles that much and can claim sanity?

"Welllll. I suppose we 'could' come up with another training method." The bluenette said begrudgingly.

The cursed transsexual sighed in relief. "Anything's better than that thing."

"Anything?"

* * *

Never say 'anything'...ever.

'I guess I 'did' get some of pops foot in mouth'.

It was right outside the clubhouse that he was to get the alternate training and he was keen to do it this way rather than be subjected to a mechanical monster.

Grace was facing him several feet away. She stood with no stance and her face looked in an ever present closed eye smile.

The rest of the club was gathered in front of their domicile clearly eager to watch the show, or at least The members who's names began with K were.

"Will Ranma be okay? I mean he is fighting a girl." Chiharu said quietly, not wanted to be accused of making sexist comments in front of her mostly female club.

"You kidding!? I don't think our boy has any problem with it. Do ya Ranma!?" The giantess bellowed.

"Not a one." The boy replied instantly.

That was a lie. A straight up, big fat stinking lie. He had 'every' problem with hitting a girl. Every time he's ever done it mind you had been in a fight. It wasn't the girls themselves who were the problem though. They always made him give his all and became extra vicious when he made his displeasure about fighting them due to their gender known. No the problem was with the spectators. To them he wasn't allowed to fight back even to defend himself. He was supposed to just stand there and take it.

It was quite in one fight in particular. It had been a few years ago. His father had lost all the money in the bottom of an empty glass and forced his son to enter a street fight for easy cash. He'd taken down three big guys before a girl decided to try her luck, she was a few years older than him, a head taller and clearly very well trained since he doubted an ordinary girl could put her bare foot through a wall without even a bruise. The atmosphere of the crowd soon changed when it was clear he had no intention of letting her win. Chants of his name and cheers for his victory turned in booing and angry yells that he was a 'woman beater' and a 'cowardly jackass'. Oh right, he had totally forgotten he was supposed to let her beat 7 shades of s**t out of him.

He wasn't afraid to fight a woman. He was afraid of what everyone else would think if he fought a woman. (4)

"I won't forgive you if you hold back Ranma." Grace called to him while slipping into a stance.

'Wouldn't be the first time I heard that.' He moved into a stance of his own.

"Ready?"

They nodded.

"BEGIN!"

The two wasted no time. Kicking off they darted at each other. Grace ducked a knife strike to the face while Ranma dodged a palm strike to the sternum. Each countered with a straight punch at the other only to once again be avoided by the slimmest of margins.

"Your good." Grace commented.

Ranma's smile said it all.

She ducked and swept his legs out from under him. Without even pausing to curse his foot jabbed her exposed side knocking her over. His landed in a handstand just as she moved into a roll and sprang back to her feet. Moving in a blur she was able to grab hold of his legs and yank him into the air and immediately score a palm strike to his mid section.

The air rushed out of him like a popped balloon, but he didn't let a little thing like oxygen deprivation stop him from countering. Grabbing her arm he pulled Grace towards him and drove a knee into her own stomach, tossing her behind him just as he twisted and touched the ground on his front. He would have got up that very instant but he was frozen for only the briefest of seconds at what he saw.

As she fell back through the air Graces dress, which covered her decency the same way neon spandex disguised 5 colour coded kids with attitude, was pull up. Giving Ranma clear view of her underwear.

Not a pervert by many means he was decent enough to blush and look away if only for a second. A second which allowed Grace to right herself and launch a killing blow against the unprepared boy.

He slammed against the ground harshly, Grace towering over him , her brown eyes wide open and cold as steel. Her left hand clenched into a fist which bulged with trembling veins.

"MISS GRACE STOP!"

*WHAT-DOOM!*

The club members, the club house and the entire building it rested on trembled violently like...ya know...kind of in bad taste to say it now.

Ranma wasn't even aware he had stopped breathing, staring up at Graces battle serious face. Her arm mere inches away from his all too crushable skull was elbow deep into the concrete beneath him with a web of spidercrack spreading from the point of impact all across the roof.

"Nice one Grace!" Kirika cheered "You nearly crushed his skull like an overripe melon with that one!"

It was at that moment that Grace realized what exactly she had been about to do. Her narrowed eyes widened into abject horror. Both hands flew to her mouth and she fell to her rear.

"I..." She couldn't even say another character, she just jumped to her feet and backpedaled into the clubhouse, but not before everyone could see wet track start to form on her cheeks.

"Wait I...!" He called after her but the club door shut behind her before he could say anything.

"I see lady Grace did it again." Someone said from nowhere. Kyoko and Komoe both jumped a mile when they noticed a tall blonde shadow standing behind them.

"Mr Leon?" Said Chiharu.

The blonde man nodded in recognition and sighed. "I'm afraid I was too late . This is unacceptable! What kind of man am I if I cannot even do my lone duty!"

"Your duty? Blondie I don't know what the hell the Grace family pays you for cause Grace does not need anyone to protect her." Snarked Kirika. Yawning loudly and stretching in ways that raised age ratings.

"Ms Grace?" He said confused before comprehension dawned "Ah I see. You believe that because I am Ms Grace's Bodyguard that it is my duty to guard her."

'Kinda in the name.' The majority thought united.

"The reality of my work is much more severe. I am not to protect her from threats..."

"...You protect threats from her." Ranma finished.

Leon nodded "Ms Grace is 'ridiculously' strong you see. A martial arts prodigy of the highest order from a long lineage of Martial arts prodigies, matched with a natural born strength that surpasses even that Hibiki boy. With such a gift she is one of the greatest fighters in the world."

*Shunk*

Ow! Right in the ego.

"However. Because of her overwhelming power. My lady is forced to wear the bangles and earrings you ever see her wear. In actual fact are heavy weights. Made to bring her down to a much, 'much' lower level."

*Shunk, Shunk*

His pride as a martial artist 'and' a dude looked like a team Jacob t-shirt after the fourth book was released.

"Sadly she still possesses a great deal of force. Force which she has no idea how to hold back, even in a spar. It's fortunate that it was you who she fought against Mr Saotome. Anyone else she 'would ' have pulped their head like gourd."

*Shunk, Shunk, Shunka, Shunka, Shunkity, Shunk*

"O..k. I guess I feel kinda bad for her."

"Good. Now all you have to do is apologies to her and this whole mess will be fixed."

"Apologize?! Why me!? She wasn't the one who almost became one with the roof!"

Leon's eyes hardened. "You 'must' apologies to her. The thought of almost killing you scared her. Just go in and say sorry for doing so and all will be right."

He would love to argue. If he hated one thing it was being forced to poise for what other people do to him. He also knew that he was surrounded by women and this guy could probably pin a fly to the wall with a butcher knife without killing it.

*sigh* "Alright. I'll go say sorry?"

"Giving up so easily Saotome? I would have thought that you'd fight a little more about his." Kyoko said suspiciously.

He waved her off while walking towards the clubhouse.

"Nah. I kinda know what it's like see the world as if it was made of glass."

"Thin glass, thats so cracked that even blowing on it will..." Leon said.

"I GET IT! SHE'S STRONGER THAN ME! STOP DESTROYING WHATS LEFT OF MY FRAGILE MALE EGO!" He yelled and flung the door open and slammed it behind him.

"...What fun would that be?" Asked a confused Kirika to her minions/ club.

* * *

It didn't take Ranma long to find her, what with the clubhouse's fanciful exterior nothing more than a shell hiding merely one large room with only one tiny room elsewhere for the toilet. So it was easy to see her cowering in the middle of the room. Crouching down and sniffling and completely oblivious to her skirt which had ridden up to give the word a peek at her snow white panties.

Steeling himself for a battle he had 'no' experience in Ranma walked up to her and kneeled down. Putting on as comforting a voice as he could manage.

"Grace. Grace it's all right..." He said nervously, dealing with crying girls never his strong suit. He gulped loudly when she didn't even respond.

"It's me Ranma. You didn't hurt me see." He assured her. Holding his arms out to show that despite a few minor injuries he was fine.

"..."

"Aww C'mon Grace. I'm really trYING!?" His voice went up an octave for a second when to his surprises a pair of strong arms wrapped around his midsection and pulled him to the ground, he landed in a sitting position but he was now positioned with the girl who could snap him in two in a position to do just so with her face buried in his chest and her tightly clad almost bare rear in his lap.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry." She sobbed into his chest, each sorry punctuated by a light sob which pushed her further and further into his embrace.

Rather than try to wiggle out before Kirika could burst in and make a big deal he put his hand on her shoulder and petted it gently.

"I said it's alright Grace. This ain't the first time somebody didn't know their own strength. It ain't that big a deal."

She looked up at him, her closed eyes slowly leaking. "But...I almost...I."

He smiled "'Almost' but you didn't. I'm gonna be the best Grace. I couldn't let something like that get ta me right?"

"Well...no."

"So don't feel bad bout getting serious with me kay? It'd be a waste to let someone as good as you hold back all the time."

Her sniffing stopped, her eyes opening ever so much to give him a glimpse of her deep chocolate brown eyes. "Thank you Ranma."

"No p..."

His words were silenced when his mouth was suddenly covered by hers. It wasn't a lovers kiss even though their position would suggest otherwise, but it wasn't a simple just friends thank you peck. She lingered for a while but she didn't put anything into it, simply pressing her lips to anothers.

After about 10 seconds she pulled away, leaving her blushing profusely and the boy frazzled.

"Sorry..." She apologized "Papa always did that with mother to make her feel better but I've never..."

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MISS GRACE!"

Both where pulled from their thought by the sound of an angry man. Turning they spotted an enraged Leon, with a shocked Eiken club and a grinning amazon. It was only then that the two realized that their position could be seen by others who had not witnessed their exchange as 'amorous'.

"Not again." The boy whimpered tiredly.

It took 5 days of non stop bowing and scrapping to convince the others of his innocence. Unfortunately and quite shockingly Ryoga arrived the next day

* * *

The field was packed with students. Stands were full to capacity forcing most of the audience to sit on the grass. The cafeteria's had decided to take advantage of the gathering and had sent out vendors to dispense the stale crap people trend to buy at such event but don't notice because of the action.

Off at a quiet corner far out of site of any snooping teachers or campus security was one of the less than legal activities also common at such events. Several students were surrounded by dozens of others, money exchanged hands for paper slips. Some predicting Ranma to win, some for Ryoga. Others predicted how long the fight would last, details on certain injuries. One even said that the fight would be interrupted.

The bookie gave that poor sucker 200 to 1 odds with a bet of 2000 yen.

Nearer the field but still a little off it was an announcers table which the Eiken club had manned, er girled. Kirika and Grace were behind the microphone talking away with using the colour commentary and old pro formula common for sports.

"Perfect day for a rumble isn't that right Grace!" Cheered the ever excitable amazon in over dramatic fashion.

The heiress agreed "Right Kirika. At a balmy 57 degrees the fighters will be able to stay awake and alert throughout."

"I'm so cold." Someone off to the side said.

"Aaannndd lets introduce our fighters!"

Ranma rolled his eyes. If he'd known this would happen he'd have left this an extra day.

"Standing at 5'8 and weighing 157lbs. Ranma 'the horse' Saotome!"

A cheer went up from the crowd. All the boy being cheered for was 'the horse?"

Kirika's voice seemed to lose the happiness and energy.

"And on the opposite side of the field. At 5'9 and 160lbs. A boy who couldn't find his nose with his finger and a GPS...!"

"HEY!"

"RYOGA 'THE OX' HIBIKI!"

If the name bothered Ryoga as much as the jab at his sense of direction did he wouldn't how it. Nor the steady booing that was directed only at him by the crowds. He continued only to glare at his hated enemy.

"So Saotome. I'm actually surprised you showed up. Not going to run away again?" He said in a baby talk voice.

"I didn't run away the first time you directionless nitwit." Ranma replied exasperatedly.

"Both fighters seem raring to go." Commented Grace.

Kirika nodded "Fighters ready!"

Ranma slipped into a loose stance. Flexible and ready to take anything Ryoga threw at him.

In contrast Ryoga went into a riid stance that focused on overwhelming power.

"AAANNNNDDDD FIGHT!"

* * *

"...Zipadee do da, zipadee yay. My ohh my what a wonderful day."

"Will you zip a dee IT ALREADY AKANE!" Said the singers irate sister.

"Oh Nabiki relax and live a little." Said Akane, who was smiling warmly enough to compete with Kasumi.

It was almost unnatural to see the normally angry and violent Akane Tendo so at peace. Then again it wasn't every day she was starting a new school. No more hentai squad. No More Kuno, no...more Kuno, NO MORE KUNO!

Sure there were still *shudder* boys around here but they didn't even glance her way. Not that she was complaining mind you.

Nabiki on the other hand was considerably less happy about the arrangement. She'd built up a reputation at Furikan not to mention a considerable amount of power over the student populace and some teachers. Now she had to start all over again at a school with easily more than 10 times the student number at Furikan.

The problems didn't end there. She'd kept her family in the black by distributing cheesecake of her sister amongst the male populace and especially to that idiot Kuno.

One step into the academy and she knew she'd never be able to provide that same service again with more than 90% of the girls at (school name) being not only better looking than either her or Akane but far more well off in the 'front' department. She couldn't take pictures of these girls either not without risking facing serious jail time

They'd never buy any pictures of Akane. it would be like offering an burnt hamburger to someone who could afford sirloin everyday. The chances of her making any money here the 'old fashioned way' were about as likely as Kasumi listening to heavy metal.

Back at the dojo Kasumi was vacuuming, singing gently in an angelic tone.

"Pushing up the ante, I know you've got to see me, Read 'em and weep, the dead man's hand again..."

Soun sighed from over his paper. "Maybe I shouldn't have paid the extra to get MTV."

"Don't look so happy dear sister. Remember why we transferred." Nabiki said wryly.

Akane's good mood soured a tad. Thanks to 'uncle' Genma they learned that his wife attended school here when she was a teenager and would more than likely send their intended here too. That was enough for the two of them to be transferred.

"Yeah I know. But this place has 54,000 students Nabiki. Chances are we'll never meet the pervert."

*BOOM*

The sound of an explosion hit them like a thunder clap, the ground beneath them trembled them terribly.

"What the heck was that?!" Akane gasped.

"DAMN YOU RANMA!"

"Offhand I'd say the pervert you just said we'd never meet." Replied her sister.

The two picked up their pace to see what was going on.

* * *

The longer the two fought the more 'The Ox' title seemed to stick with the fanged avenger. He charged Ranma like a mad beast, swiping at him with his fists and umbrella while grunting and snorting angrily with every failed attack. Ranma dodged everything thrown at him not daring to try and take a single step step forward since he could actually 'feel' the power coming from the attacks just from swiping past him. Ryoga's legs were solid meaning Ranma couldn't take them out from under him and his umbrella extended his range enough that going for his upper body was all but impossible.

All he could do was wait for a NOW!

He shifted his weight to the left for only second before suddenly twisting to the right. The sudden dramatic chaged caused an already striking Ryoga to overextend himself before he could correct the path of his hit, allowing his 'rival' a chance to score a vicious punch to his solar plexus.

The wind went out of Ryoga, but rather than collapsing to his knees he gritted his teeth and swiped out with his free hand. Now within attack range his strength didn't matter and Ranma effortlessly dodged and delivered another three jabs to lost boys stomach followed by a kick to push him away.

"What's the matter Hibiki." His 'rival' mocked. "Don't like the taste of crow?"

Ryoga stopped gripping his stomach and reached for his sash belt, hands tightening around both ends and speed forward again.

'A sash? Why w...' The sheer ridiculousness of Ryoga's action made our hero pause long enough for his attack to connect. By which time Ranma had surmised that Ryoga might know an offensive variant of the Iron cloth technique.

A loud 'popping' noise told him that his arm was dislocated. The rest was still properly located but hurt like hell none the less. Bruised and bleeding after his collision with the wall. A dozen or so students also lay in pain when he ploughed through them at missile speeds.

Fortunately his pop had hit him with harder things during training or the impact would have squashed him. He managed to shake himself back to full consciousness just as the fanged boy braced himself and took a flying leap right at him. Ranma inwardly smirked, Saotome style worked best when the opponents feet weren't on the ground.

He had just gotten his feet off the ground when he heard a pitiful sound. The sound of someone in pain.

The freshmen he'd been knocked into were still on the ground not moaning in pain but out and out screaming. One had an arm bent 45 degrees the wrong way and crying out for his mother. Another laying in the ground motionless clearly bleeding from the head.

Now up to this point Ranma had a very unusual idea of what the human body could withstand. To him being able to withstand bricks to the face and walk away from trees falling on you was normal. Sure he knew that non-martial artists were weaker and probably were not as durable as he was but he still believed them to able to take at least half the beating he could.

Yet here were people broken and battered to unconsciousness just because he grazed past them. He...he had hurt the weak.

No! Ryoga had hurt the weak.

"RYOGA!" He dodged to the side just as the lost boy tried to punch his head of. Rather than counter punch Ranma grabbed the limb and twisted it behind Ryoga's back and pushing him back to the soccer field. "We have to stop."

"NEVER!" Hibiki screamed. The saotome heir grit his teeth and pushed the arm further up. Ryoga tried lashing out with his other arm but that was quickly secured to. In childish manner he went for the shins but was pressed against the ground by his nemesis who held on for dear life.

"This is between you and me Hibiki." He looked towards the downed students who by now had a large group of people surrounding them. He never thought he'd be so thankful that this school had as many clubs as students when the first aid club and future doctors club were there taking care of them. "Those guys were seriously injured."

"That was you not me!" The struggling had gotten wild. Ranma swore he heard his muscles straining to the point of tearing just to keep him down. His teeth gritting in concentration and anger.

"Maybe but you were the one who launched me! You could have killed them!"

"I DON'T CARE!"

The rage drained from Ranma's face as quickly as the strength drained from his body. The lost boy bucked him off like a bull sending him all the way to the edge of the field. Getting up and dusting himself off before grinning broadly. "I knew that would get you off guard." He reached for his bandana and looked towards the crowd then back to his enemy who was staring at him blank faced.

Ranma shook his head slowly.

Ryoga's grin widened to Grinch like proportions and tore the banana off his head.

The razor cloth even sounded like a shuriken whizzing through the air. Perfectly aligned with a seniors neck.

The whirling cloth was halted when it was intercepted by Ranma who caught the cloth between his fingers and let it flutter to the ground.

His face remained stoic but the ever closed yet always wide eyes of Lin could easily spot him biting the inside of his mouth, the bandanna falling to the earth not because he let it but because a thin but deep cut ran across three fingertips.

"Don't do that again Hibiki." His tone dead even. Not even registering surprise that beneath that head band was another identical headband.

Ryoga's answer was throw another in the exact opposite direction. This time the spinning band made it much closer before Ranma made contact, no time to grasp at it just punched into it wreaking havoc on his fist.

"*Pant* Ryoga if you do that again I won't..."

"Won't what? Save them?" He plucked a whole fistful of cloth before jumping high onto the air and swinging his arm in a wide arc sending razor death in all directions.

Ranma Saotome did 'not' seem to blur out of existence. The razor cloths did 'not' suddenly vanish in mid flight He did not move faster than can be perceived. For you see for any of that to happen it would have to have been implied that he moved at all. To this date neither Graces keen eyes nor the innumerable observation devices Kyoko had planted around the area produced one sliver of evidence that he didn't already have a big pile of black and yellow cloth at his feet nor any to prove that Ryoga's homicidal stunt ever happened in the first place.

The Hibiki boy stared at his hated rivals feet with undisguised awe. He had heard of such speed before, but only in the pages of a shonen manga.

"WHOOO-OOHHHH! Can you believe it!" Screamed Kirika into her microphone. Her foot planted on the announcers table as she pumped her free fist into the air in sheer excitement which if anyone had been watching her and not the spectacle would have completely forgotten about the fight. "In an anime-esque display of awesome the Eieken clubs wild stallion caught the psycho Hibiki's doom-danna's! Can you believe your eyes Grace."

The Chinese girl smiled "I can honestly say I can't Kirika. Such speed is only normally achieved by the most renowned of masters."

The purplette crashed back down into her seat,Microphone resting on top of her breasts which crashed back down on the table hard enough to make the wood creak. "So you think 'our' boys got what it takes to finish the job."

She nodded. "Oh I think both fighters still stand a good chance..."

She internally added. '...depending on how long this fight lasts.'

* * *

"Pht. Big deal. I could do that to."

"Uh huh." Nabiki muttered without turning away from the beefcake that was herfiancee.

It was a given to say that she never got to admire any good looking boys back at Furikan, for reasons that anyone at the school was either merely average or Kuno and she'd rather eat rusty nails than even consider that train of thought no matter how rich he was.

Ranma she'd known of for only a few days and seen for less than a minute and she already had a good opinion of him. Saving innocent bystanders from cloth razors showed great strength of character...also the way his muscles were almost perfectly outlined by the sweatily clinging silk shirt made the lose of extortion money almost totally worth it.

Way past worth it when the actual relationship started...wait...'our boy'?

Nabiki turned her head and saw just who was sitting at the announcers table.

Ho...ly...shit.

Fireworks went of in Nabiki's mind. Chibi Tendo's danced their happy little dances and full grown once leapt like dolphins into a sea of cash.

'If I sold just one picture of either of them...just one picture of that Red head or melon chested announcer...I'd make more than I got from a hundred photos of Akane!'

'Eiken club huh? Well clubs are mandatory here.'

* * *

Ryoga stared cautiously at his eternal rival who was staring back at him like a hawk would a sparrow. He reached up to pluck another Bandana but pulled his hand back down. It didn't work last time and he hated wasting moves or *shock* not having any bandanas left.

'Flames washed the village. Old men and young boys held hoes shakily as he approached. Children crying, a woman screamed.'

He shook his head. "Never again."

He clenched his fists and slipped into an aggressive stance. Common sense told him to be defensive but as a martial artist he listened to his instincts and they told him that he had to destroy Ranma before he tried anything.

He stalked towards Saotome, never breaking his stance, with the speed he'd just seen he'd be destroyed if he dropped his guard for even a moment.

Ranma stands perfectly still, his narrowed eyes following him like a hawk watches prey.

He inched closer to his hated rival. The audience became silent as the suspense became palatable. Kirika gripped her microphone hard enough for it to break which Grace immediately covered for by moving hers over to the girl.

He got to within ten feet of Ranma, his knuckles cracked.

With a snap of muscle he sent a vicious left jab straight for Ranma's face. Arcing his blow so the Saotome couldn't dodge to the right to avoid him. Hos right fist already moving to be were his enemies head would be in a second when to the shock of all his feinted attack actually connected with flesh.

Ranma grunted as he was pushed back by the force behind Ryoga's fist. His hand wrapped between the callused knuckles felt like it was going to break, but it did manage to push him out of line with the boys other attacks. Without him to collide with Ryoga's momentum kept moving him forward and knocking him severely off balance, allowing Ranma to get a shot in with a kick to the sternum. Ryoga barely had time to gasp for the air that was forcibly expelled from him before he was punched in the ribs and landed 20 feet away from his enemy.

"Oh that had to hurt didn't it Grace? Right in his kisser!"

"Not as much as it hurt Ranma I'm afraid." The blonde replied sadly.

"Ha ha You call that a kick Saotome?!" Ryoga launched himself back at Ranma who was put on the defensive. "I've fought wild bears that hit harder than you!"

"That's hardly impossible you nitwit!" Wincing while parrying another haymaker before releasing a serious of jabs into the fanged boys chest.

Ryoga grunted but kept on the assault. "Whats with the love taps Saotome? I thought you dad trained you better than thi..." He was cut short when a foot met his face. Both boys yelped in pain and Ranma jumped away from him, wincing as he landed.

"What are you talking about!? Look at him out there he's beating lost boy like a drum? Am I missing something?" Kirika's gaze on the clubs boy toy intensified.

Nothing really bad, breathings a little ragged, his fists shaking a little but she couldn't see what was wrong...wait...that wasn't shaking.

His clenched fist was shaking but not in the manner of someone whos angry. It's moves were irregular and jerky, like spasms.

"Ouch. That guy must have a face like concrete."

Grace shook her heas. "The thickness of Ryogas skull..."

"HEY!"

"...Has nothing to do with it." 'and everything to do with Ranma's high speed Bandana catch.'

Ryoga darted forward with his fist, easily blocked by Ranma who visibly sucked in his breath while doing so, which was immediately expelled when a knee came up and smashed into his sternum, immediately followed by a vicious backhand which sent him skipping across the field like a stone. He crashed into the concrete walls of the pitch, almost going through it. The cracked stone covering him with rubble.

"RANMA!" Cried out a girl who was actually more concerned that the two were kicking the crap out of each other than the fight. Who was she?

Gee, let me think.

"GEEZ Ranma Saotome, who had been dominating the first part of the fight has quickly went from the top of the heap to having the heap on top of him!" The purplette screamed into her...what like 5th mike? "How can you go from owning this bastard..."

"Impartiality!" A voice echoed from nowhere immediately followed by a yelp and a splash.

"...To barely tickling him in such a small amount of time?"

'Because he expended himself trying to save everyone.' Grace followed the match like a hawk, catching Ranma's every wince as his blows connected, his breath growing increasingly more erratic. 'That phenomenal burst of speed he put on to catch Ryoga's weapons pushed him past his bodies limit, no matter for how long and put a lot of stress on his muscles. I'm surprised he hasn't keeled over already.'

If this match persisted. Ranma would be lucky if all he did was lose.

Ok I'm gonna end right there.

* * *

I know, I'm an asshole. What are ya gonna do? Punch me through the internet?

Seriously though I'm just tired of these things sitting on my computer for who knows how long while I add a few sentences or even a few words every few days or so. It was going to be longer but to be honest I much prefer fight scenes like you get from One piece. Straight up Martial arts like Ranma isn't as interesting to write for me.

I''ll start work on the next chapter when I can and hopefully get it out to you sooner than later.

As usual reviews and criticism are welcome so long as they are constructive. Flames with be ignored like the president with the Asbestos skin from Top Gun.


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